Have you ever felt empty? You know, the hollow, blank, ennui, I-don’t-know-what-I’m-f**king-doing-with-my-life kind of empty. If so, does it bother you? FYI: if your answer is no to either question, you’re a rare gem of humanity and no need to read further.
I had my first conscious encounter with emptiness when I was eight. Now, I’m that absent-minded person who’ll forget your name the second after you tell me what your name is. But I remember this non-event distinctively.
It was the end of summer. I had spent the entire summer break catching earthworms in the yard and not much else. School was starting in a week and I hadn’t even touched the homework. As I lied in bed one night, a feeling of hollowness sneaked up on me like Lord Voldemort’s dark ghost. It happened so fast. Before I could make any noise, it seized my gut and raged into my stomach. Suddenly, nothing in life appeared to carry any meaning. All was wasted. Life was in vain. And I was being devoured by a stifling emptiness. A thought immediately followed— My life is going to end futile, because I squandered all my time on worms and will amount to nothing. The sensation and the subsequent thought were so frightening that I found my heart racing and my mouth dry. Tears streamed down my face. I lied there feeling paralyzed.
My father came in to say goodnight, and was surprised to find me crying in bed. He asked me what happened. And I, not able to comprehend the experience or put it into words, told him what I thought it was: “I didn’t do my homework. Now I feel so bad about http://www.bestxanaxcomparison.com myself!”
My father, finding it amusing, stroked my hair and softly said, “It’s ok. Just be more diligent next time.”
My father was a strict parent and we rarely shared any tender moment together. So I was a bit surprised by his response. My gratitude to him at that time was beyond measure. Not only did he rescue me from the emptiness monster, but gave me the forgiveness that I was sure not even God was able to bestow.
Neither of us realized that I just had my first rendezvous with the No. 1 primal fear of humanity. Death, annihilation, oblivion, nonexistence. Call it whatever. It’s the opposite of life, which most of us don’t know–and probably don’t want to know–much about. Most people, no matter what belief about death we buy into, unconsciously assume that there’s nothing fun about nonexistence. It’ll be a meaningless void going on and on to eternity. Cold, dark, immobile, like a black hole that the stars die into.
It’s natural to feel that the experience of emptiness is a dreary preview of our worst-fear scenario. No matter whether you’re on top of the world or trampled under Fortune’s wheel, you can get a visit from emptiness anytime. You hear it say: “Hey, come here! Look closer! Yes, this is the dingy dungeon you’ll end up in, exactly like you suspected!”
I don’t blame you if you try to get away from it as much as humanly possible. I did the same, without ever understanding what it was.
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Source: Yourtango.com