You hear people tell you, “you have to love yourself first and then someone will love you.” I used to hate that phrase. Sure, it makes sense, but how do you love yourself when you are constantly being rejected or discarded in dating?
This common self-help quote didn’t help me much. I tried to love myself. I took confidence workshops and I said my affirmations and, when someone I liked stopped calling, my positive thoughts turned into self-hate again.
I thought, “What is wrong with me? Am I not young or thin enough or pretty enough? Do I need to be more fun and interesting? Am I just so nerdy that I am so repulsive to men?”
That is why I do what I do. I want to empower people to stop taking rejection so hard and really believe they are lovable.
I know what it is like to be inside those nasty self-loathing thoughts and I want to you to be liberated like I was and find real love. So, if you feel down when someone rejects you, here are three ways you can start to turn this around.
2. Realize that the reason people reject you doesn’t have to do with you. I know, the “what men want” and other dating tips will tell you that it is your fault they didn’t call. People reject others because they are afraid of intimacy, especially when they bolt and don’t confront you. They project their shadow parts on to you. What makes them run has nothing to do with who you are or something you did. They are running away from themselves. No acting or dating games will help you overcome their shadow. Yes, you can throw the “rules” book out now or burn it.
3. Notice the pattern of your reaction to the rejection. What is the common theme? The pattern is reflecting back to you how you see yourself. If you see yourself as broken or insecure, your reaction to the rejection will feed that story. Now, since you made up that story, the first step is to make up a new one that is more loving and supportive. Since you will never know the “real” story, why not pick one that makes you feel good about yourself instead of bad? You may argue that it is lying to yourself. Well, the fact that you are awesome is really the truth. You are lying to yourself when you think you are less than wonderful.
Source: Yourtango.com