Getting ahead in your career can be a tough task for anyone, but for couples who share a career path, navigating can be even trickier.<\/p>\n
Of course, there\u2019s an obvious upside: such couples can tap into each other\u2019s networks, be more understanding of the demands of the other\u2019s career and help each other rise the ranks.<\/p>\n
But these twosomes \u2014 think two lawyers working at big firms on the partner track or two professors both seeking tenure \u2014 can find themselves at odds or filled with resentment when one partner gets promoted and the other doesn\u2019t or when one has an opportunity that impedes on the other\u2019s career growth. If not carefully managed, it\u2019s easy for resentment and unhealthy competition to set in.<\/p>\n
As workplace norms on romantic relationships have relaxed, many couples find themselves seeking advice on how to get ahead. Understanding how to balance the professional connection and competition, while avoiding trouble at home, is key.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou have an interlocutor for your entire life, someone who knows the demands and pleasures of your work,\u201d when you work in the same career, said Londa Schiebinger, professor of history of science at Stanford University, who has studied academic couples. At Stanford about 13% of faculty are partnered with another faculty member. On the other hand, it can be easy to feel like you\u2019re lagging behind your partner\u2019s success when you share a career path.<\/p>\n
When Zuzana Galova and Peter Sedlacik, both advertising executives in Croatia, moved to Sydney, they started an agency together to help small Australian businesses with their advertising needs. Galova said each of them now has a greater understanding of the other person\u2019s professional needs, making it easier to feel OK about late hours and other sometimes-tricky work situations that couples in different careers might face.<\/p>\n
Then there are the drawbacks and guilt. When, say, Galova works more hours than Sedlacik, he often feels he isn\u2019t contributing enough \u2014 and vice versa. What\u2019s more, working in the same field, at the same company and living in the same house makes it difficult to find time to simply be alone, Galova said.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe are still trying to get some work-life balance,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
The benefits<\/strong><\/p>\n For many same-career couples, one big benefit is an expanded network. Together, they\u2019ve got the power of two professional networks, Schiebinger said.<\/p>\n \u201cIn my experience a lot of women still network with other women and men tend to network among men,\u201d she said. \u201cNow, you could cross those lines.\u201d<\/p>\n For many people, working with strangers creates trust issues that don\u2019t arise when working with or in the same industry as your significant other, said Christian Garcia, co-owner of Vero Patisserie in Florida.<\/p>\n For example, Garcia\u2019s partner, Mark Edmonds, is in charge of the baking, while Garcia runs the front of house. When customers don\u2019t like a new product or have other criticism of the food, he can give Edmonds an honest critique without seeming malicious or out to get him.<\/p>\n \u201cIt helps us have a much more well-rounded look at what we\u2019re doing in our business,\u201d Garcia said.<\/p>\n Tricky balance at home<\/strong><\/p>\n Personal relationships can be tough to maintain when couples have the same career, Jennifer Brunner said. She and her husband are both attorneys. The couple, married for 35 years, avoids talking about work during quality time at home, said Brunner, who is also a politician and an appeals judge in Columbus, Ohio, in the US. Conversations about work are \u201cnot in the bedroom, not last thing at night and not at breakfast,\u201d she added.<\/p>\n At the same time, Brunner said, there\u2019s an inherent understanding about the demands of the job, which can help each person feel less guilty when work demands rise. For example, when their daughter was involved a school bus accident years ago, Brunner\u2019s husband Rick sprung into action while she was at an important deposition. \u201cHe didn\u2019t say, \u2018why don\u2019t you go get her,\u2019 he understood immediately,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n Because people spend much of their lives at work, too-similar careers can present another problem: too little to be excited about, said Lisa Marie Bobby, founder of Growing Self Coaching in Denver.<\/p>\n \u201cFor couples who have so much overlap in their lives, [the relationship] tends to get stagnant pretty quickly,\u201d said Bobby, who works with clients in the US and across Europe. \u201cIt makes couples vulnerable to \u2018emotional fusion\u2019 \u2014 the experience of being overly dependent on and reactive to each other’s ups and downs.\u201d<\/p>\n Focusing on different hobbies and interests outside of work than one another can make for more exciting dinner conversation and create more intrigue in the relationship. Cultivating different hobbies and relationships can help partners retain a sense of individuality, which can later be shared with the other person.<\/p>\n Healthy competition<\/strong><\/p>\n Same-career couples can use their status to their advantage by harnessing a healthy sense of competition with each other. Knowing your partner is achieving additional success can subtly push you to work harder, Bobby said.<\/p>\n \u201cSometimes competition can help,\u201d she said. To keep the competition at healthy levels, rather than constantly comparing yourself to your partner, Bobby recommends that each person set individual goals and celebrate their own achievements. \u201cAsk yourself, \u2018how am I doing compared to where I was six months ago?\u2019\u201d she said. This can help avoid comparing yourself to a partner\u2019s success and dismissing your own \u2014 and becoming resentful.<\/p>\n Stanford\u2019s Schiebinger, whose husband, Robert Proctor, is also a historian of science at Stanford said there can be a teamwork element to a same-career relationship, something she and her husband have achieved. They celebrate one another\u2019s successes. Looking back, she said the fact that they\u2019ve both built successful careers, even if it wasn\u2019t always equal, has cut down on feelings of resentment. Cheering each other on has been a part of that.<\/p>\n \u201cWe are both incredibly distinguished, so we saw [each other\u2019s successes] more as the whole ship rises,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n Throwing in the towel<\/strong><\/p>\n At times, having the same career can actually spell real trouble for a marriage. For one, unequal salaries can bring on a constant feeling of resentment. When it comes to comparing financial success, having empathy is crucial.<\/p>\n \u201cImagine how you would feel if their accomplishments were yours, and use that to express genuine happiness for them,\u201d Bobby said. Rather than being jealous of a spouse that earns more, use the higher salary as inside information to help negotiate your own pay increase, she added.<\/p>\n With varying levels of career success, it\u2019s especially common for partners to start feeling toxic emotions toward each other. To ease friction at home, it can sometimes be necessary for one partner go into a slightly different direction and eliminate the direct career competition.<\/p>\n Not all partners are willing to sacrifice their career, Bobby said. \u00a0Frequent fighting, hyper-competiveness and constantly hurt feelings can all be telltale signs that it\u2019s time for a drastic change either at home or at work.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Source: BBC<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Getting ahead in your career can be a tough task for anyone, but for couples who share a career path, navigating can be even trickier. Of course, there\u2019s an obvious upside: such couples can tap into each other\u2019s networks, be more understanding of the demands of the other\u2019s career and help each other rise the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[],"tags":[36,51],"yoast_head":"\n