{"id":72120,"date":"2014-12-07T13:11:13","date_gmt":"2014-12-07T13:11:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/4cd.e16.myftpupload.com\/?p=72120"},"modified":"2014-12-07T13:11:13","modified_gmt":"2014-12-07T13:11:13","slug":"4-surefire-ways-bring-spark-back-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/12\/4-surefire-ways-bring-spark-back-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"4 Surefire ways to bring that spark back into your relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"

“Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.”<\/em>\u00a0\u2014\u00a0Simone Weil<\/p>\n

This morning, I was busy French pressing coffee for my husband and me. Everything was going great; I was happily humming along, looking forward to starting my day. My lovely husband came up behind me and bear hugged me gently.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Now, I’ll admit that I don’t usually take this well when I’m in the middle of something. If I’m cooking (which I’m particularly serious about), I’ve been known to push him away and say something along the lines of “I’m cooking! Back!” This is not sensitive or caring. It’s more of a “get-off-me-I’m-working” reaction that I’ve been working on.<\/div>\n

To my husband’s credit, he usually responds fine and continues about his business seemingly undeterred from future affection<\/strong>. I apologize later, and he doesn’t seem to take offense. After an interaction like this, I often feel embarrassed and ashamed of how I’ve responded to his attempts at closeness. I worry that if I keep pushing him away, eventually he’ll just stay away for good. The very idea itself makes me feel sad and repentant.<\/p>\n

Today, however, when he came over and hugged me from behind, I had enough good sense not to push him away. In fact, I took the opportunity for some bonding time with him, which made my morning. I actually had to have the conscious thought that I should stop the urge to push him away and instead be receptive. Instead of getting caught up in what I was doing, I stopped myself and let him foster closeness between us.<\/p>\n

Today, I was receptive.<\/p>\n

Today, I let myself get swept up in the moment instead of worrying about the coffee getting cold, or burning dinner, or the myriad of other little nagging things that seem more important in the sweet little moments like this. My priorities are woefully out of whack if I think that preventing my coffee from getting cold is more important than connecting with someone who isn\u2019t afraid to come over to me for the 4,345 time when I\u2019m in the middle of something, even though he knows he\u2019s likely to get the cold shoulder.<\/p>\n

What if one day he gives up? I\u2019ll admit, I probably would have given up already if I were him. It\u2019s embarrassing to admit that my skin isn\u2019t nearly as thick as his has been when it comes to affection. In fact, so often, haven’t I shown through my actions that a deeper connection was not my priority? That admission stings. If I\u2019m really honest, in the past, a lack of mindfulness about how I handle affection has led me to prioritize tons of things above my relationships<\/strong>. I have allowed things of little importance to often take priority over connecting with the people who I love<\/strong> most.<\/p>\n

Since I\u2019ve been struggling to change this reluctance to connect on someone else’s terms, here are four things that I’ve learned help to bring someone closer in the moment.<\/p>\n

1. Awareness.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Notice the ways, both small and large, in which others try to create connections with you. If we wait for them to approach us perfectly or in the exact moments we\u2019re thinking about it, we miss so much.<\/p>\n

2. Receptivity.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Being aware is important, but so is being receptive to a connection. If we acknowledge and then open ourselves to connecting with others, it\u2019s clearly going to foster more connection than if we are aware but not receptive (like my cooking example above).<\/p>\n

Being receptive involves staying aware of the greater good in our most important relationships, namely saying “yes” to more love, more connection, and more closeness from others. It\u2019s not turning down the hug or pushing someone away in the moment. It\u2019s apologizing if we fail at these things.<\/p>\n

3. Appreciation.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Appreciation is key to positively reinforcing someone\u2019s attempts to get closer to us. If I allow myself to be selfish or distracted and fail to positively acknowledge my partner\u2019s attempts to connect with me, I\u2019m not only pushing him away in that moment, but I\u2019m effectively blocking future connection.<\/p>\n

If I don\u2019t nurture the connections that matter the most to me, I won\u2019t have connections with the people I love. That is the inevitable, preventable, awful consequence of failing to provide positive reinforcement.<\/p>\n

This is about recognizing the little things, with heartfelt thank you\u2019s and big hugs. It\u2019s having an eye toward acknowledging people\u2019s efforts, and providing them with a positive experience when they interact with me.<\/p>\n

4. Reciprocity.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Rather than saving up our affection and positive attention for when we\u2019re really feeling it (or say, date night), maybe it\u2019s better to make a practice of reciprocating our partner\u2019s affections even when we\u2019re tired, distracted, or not quite interested.<\/p>\n

Giving them the gift of our attention is such a strong tool for nurturing them and the relationship that it shouldn\u2019t be saved for the exact, right moment when we feel like sharing our affections. Maybe it\u2019s more effective to resolve to share and connect with the people we care about whenever they reach out to us.<\/p>\n

How often do we push our partners away and refuse to connect without quite seeing it that way? How often do we reject their advances, when if we thought about it, we actually desire more closeness? How long do we have before we push the other person away forever, only to wonder later what went wrong?<\/p>\n

Of course, I never consciously intend to make my partner feel rejected, but how often do I reject him anyway, bumbling through our life together? How often could I be nicer, or less stressed, or more receptive? How often do the people in our lives who are most important to us suffer because we are too busy, or too clueless to notice?<\/p>\n

No matter what the reason is, what if we\u2019re sacrificing the everyday events that have lasting potential to bring us closer? I can do big things that are meant to connect with my partner. For example, I can suggest and plan out weekly date nights, but if I\u2019m downright cold and repellant in the tender, everyday moments that are his idea, pretty soon, I will drive away the very connection that I truly long for.<\/p>\n

It won\u2019t matter if we try to formally “plan” times to be affectionate or if I make sure to approach him often on my own terms. What if we\u2019re doing this not just with our intimate partners, but also with the rest of the important people in our lives? What if we\u2019re providing negative reinforcement when, if we were more conscious of it, we would actually want to allow more closeness? It\u2019s so common to take the closest relationships in our lives for granted. That\u2019s why it\u2019s so vitally important to take the time to nurture the little connections that we have with each other, every day. In this way, love is a practice, just like connection takes practice.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s the small things, once again, that truly matter with someone we love. It\u2019s taking the time to listen to them when we\u2019re tired and would rather do something else. It\u2019s not shutting them down when they show us little acts of affection. It\u2019s receptivity and openness to connection, as well as getting our priorities straight.<\/p>\n

And\u2026 try not to push your spouse away when they\u2019re happily giving you a bear hug.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Source: YourTango.com<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.”\u00a0\u2014\u00a0Simone Weil This morning, I was busy French pressing coffee for my husband and me. Everything was going great; I was happily humming along, looking forward to starting my day. My lovely husband came up behind me and bear hugged me gently. \u00a0Now, I’ll admit that I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":70878,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[],"tags":[38,51],"yoast_head":"\n4 Surefire ways to bring that spark back into your relationship - Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/12\/4-surefire-ways-bring-spark-back-relationship\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"4 Surefire ways to bring that spark back into your relationship - Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"“Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.”\u00a0\u2014\u00a0Simone Weil This morning, I was busy French pressing coffee for my husband and me. Everything was going great; I was happily humming along, looking forward to starting my day. My lovely husband came up behind me and bear hugged me gently. \u00a0Now, I’ll admit that I […]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/12\/4-surefire-ways-bring-spark-back-relationship\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/citi97.3\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2014-12-07T13:11:13+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/4cd.e16.myftpupload.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/black-couple-holiday-325x225.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Kojo Akoto Boateng\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@citi973\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@citi973\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Kojo Akoto Boateng\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/12\/4-surefire-ways-bring-spark-back-relationship\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/12\/4-surefire-ways-bring-spark-back-relationship\/\",\"name\":\"4 Surefire ways to bring that spark back into your relationship - Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2014-12-07T13:11:13+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2014-12-07T13:11:13+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/#\/schema\/person\/1642ef473fe39bf0c4e2f2f252678eb1\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/12\/4-surefire-ways-bring-spark-back-relationship\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/12\/4-surefire-ways-bring-spark-back-relationship\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/12\/4-surefire-ways-bring-spark-back-relationship\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"4 Surefire ways to bring that spark back into your relationship\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/\",\"name\":\"Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always\",\"description\":\"Ghana News | Ghana Politics | Ghana Soccer | Ghana Showbiz\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/#\/schema\/person\/1642ef473fe39bf0c4e2f2f252678eb1\",\"name\":\"Kojo Akoto Boateng\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/ba51f5385119e83762c67ecd6aa410ab?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/ba51f5385119e83762c67ecd6aa410ab?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Kojo Akoto Boateng\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/author\/kojo\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"4 Surefire ways to bring that spark back into your relationship - Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/12\/4-surefire-ways-bring-spark-back-relationship\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"4 Surefire ways to bring that spark back into your relationship - Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always","og_description":"“Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.”\u00a0\u2014\u00a0Simone Weil This morning, I was busy French pressing coffee for my husband and me. Everything was going great; I was happily humming along, looking forward to starting my day. My lovely husband came up behind me and bear hugged me gently. \u00a0Now, I’ll admit that I […]","og_url":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/12\/4-surefire-ways-bring-spark-back-relationship\/","og_site_name":"Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/citi97.3","article_published_time":"2014-12-07T13:11:13+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/4cd.e16.myftpupload.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/black-couple-holiday-325x225.jpg"}],"author":"Kojo Akoto Boateng","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@citi973","twitter_site":"@citi973","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Kojo Akoto Boateng","Est. reading time":"6 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/12\/4-surefire-ways-bring-spark-back-relationship\/","url":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/12\/4-surefire-ways-bring-spark-back-relationship\/","name":"4 Surefire ways to bring that spark back into your relationship - Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/#website"},"datePublished":"2014-12-07T13:11:13+00:00","dateModified":"2014-12-07T13:11:13+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/#\/schema\/person\/1642ef473fe39bf0c4e2f2f252678eb1"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/12\/4-surefire-ways-bring-spark-back-relationship\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/12\/4-surefire-ways-bring-spark-back-relationship\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/12\/4-surefire-ways-bring-spark-back-relationship\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"4 Surefire ways to bring that spark back into your relationship"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/","name":"Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always","description":"Ghana News | Ghana Politics | Ghana Soccer | Ghana Showbiz","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/#\/schema\/person\/1642ef473fe39bf0c4e2f2f252678eb1","name":"Kojo Akoto Boateng","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/ba51f5385119e83762c67ecd6aa410ab?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/ba51f5385119e83762c67ecd6aa410ab?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Kojo Akoto Boateng"},"url":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/author\/kojo\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/72120"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/14"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=72120"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/72120\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/70878"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=72120"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=72120"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=72120"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}