{"id":5923,"date":"2014-03-13T11:36:42","date_gmt":"2014-03-13T11:36:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/4cd.e16.myftpupload.com\/?p=5923"},"modified":"2014-03-13T11:36:42","modified_gmt":"2014-03-13T11:36:42","slug":"10-things-never-to-say-to-singles","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/03\/10-things-never-to-say-to-singles\/","title":{"rendered":"10 things never to say to singles"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Black-woman--006\"<\/a>The next time you\u2019re tempted to advise single friends, bite your tongue. \u201cYou may believe you\u2019re empathizing, but intrusive comments may offend your friend,\u201d says Helen Friedman, PhD, a clinical psychologist in St. Louis who specializes in relationships.<\/p>\n

\u201cBefore you open your mouth, ask yourself what\u2019s more important: your opinion or your friendship?\u201d Here\u2019s what to avoid saying to your single friends, what you can sometimes say or do instead and when to simply zip your lips.<\/p>\n

1. \u201cWhy aren\u2019t you married?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

This question almost universally pushes single people\u2019s buttons. \u201cPerhaps the answer is \u2018none of your business,\u2019\u201d says *Grace from Detroit. In fact, it\u2019s rude to assume singles are looking for a relationship. \u201cThis question presumes that the single person is unhappily single,\u201d saysBella DePaulo, PhD, author of Singled Outand Singlism who blogs about singles. \u201cMany unattached people live their best, most authentic lives as singles.\u201d So stay away from this question and its variations\u2014\u201cDon\u2019t you want to be married?\u201d \u201cHave you ever been married?\u201d<\/p>\n

2. \u201cHave you tried online dating?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

True, people find relationships online. But this assumes your friend is clueless and hasn\u2019t thought of it herself. \u201cI can\u2019t tell you how many people have suggested online dating like it\u2019s never been suggested before,\u201d says *Idora from Boston. \u201cThe truth is the ratio of disappointing dates is the same online as it is offline.\u2019\u201d Furthermore, avoid sharing details about people you know who\u2019ve found someone online; it has zero bearing on your friend\u2019s life. Finally, remember that offering dating advice implies there\u2019s something wrong with being single, says Dr. Friedman.<\/p>\n

3. \u201cStop being so picky.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cAvoid name-calling. This comment basically slaps your friend\u2019s wrists and accuses her of faulty judgment, as if she can\u2019t trust her own wants and needs,\u201d says Dr. Friedman. If she brings up being frustrated with the dating pool, a better approach is to respond with, \u201cIt\u2019s challenging to find the right person for you,\u201d which acknowledges the realities of dating without criticizing her. And while it\u2019s OK to ask about what qualities she\u2019s looking for in a mate, don\u2019t add what she should be seeking.<\/p>\n

4. \u201cYou\u2019ll find the perfect guy when you\u2019re not looking.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

This is a lose-lose comment. On one hand, this assumes your friend is on the hunt when she may be content with single life. On the other hand, \u201cThis comment is disempowering if your friend actually is seeking a relationship,\u201d says Dr. Friedman. \u201cIt\u2019s the equivalent of saying, \u2018Just sit and wait for someone.\u2019\u201d Instead, affirm how much you care for your friend by continuing to do things you both love together and inviting her to events because you enjoy her company\u2014not because you feel sorry for her.<\/p>\n

5. \u201cWhat ever happened with [insert ex\u2019s name here]?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

This is one of the worst things you can say to your friend, according to experts. \u201cWhen a relationship ends, there\u2019s usually some degree of sadness, even if your friend is the one who initiated the breakup,\u201d says Diana Kirschner, PhD, author of Find Your Soulmate Online in Six Simple Steps. \u201cDredging everything back up is hurtful.\u201d Skip this question; if she wants to talk about it, she\u2019ll bring it up on her own.<\/p>\n

6. \u201cYou\u2019re so lucky to be single!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Even if you\u2019re reminiscing about your own carefree days of singledom, no one wants to hear this. \u201cJust because I\u2019ve never experienced marriage doesn\u2019t mean I don\u2019t miss that experience or think of what it might mean to me,\u201d says Grace. \u201cI\u2019m sure people in a relationship think the independence of being single is preferable at times. Yet singles have all the responsibilities of life without someone to share them.\u201d How you can help: \u201cBe cognizant of the fact that singles don\u2019t have a partner to do something with 24\/7 and may need someone occasionally,\u201d says Idora. So offer her a ride to the airport, help moving and whatever else she could use.<\/p>\n

7. \u201cIf you\u2019d get out there, you\u2019d find someone.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cThis rubs me the wrong way because you have no idea what I\u2019ve tried or how aggressive or passive I might be,\u201d says Grace. \u201cMaybe I\u2019m shy and it isn\u2019t my personality to be the pursuer. Or maybe my workplace doesn\u2019t put me in contact with many other singles.\u201d Still, there\u2019s no harm in seeing if she\u2019s open to meeting someone you know. \u201cJust don\u2019t spring it on her,\u201d says Dr. Kirschner. \u201cSay something like, \u2018So-and-so is coming to the party on Sunday and he\u2019s funny and nice. You might enjoy talking to him.\u201d And leave it at that.<\/p>\n

8. \u201cYou should smile more\/flirt more\/wear your hair differently\/wear more makeup.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s hard to imagine anyone finding these useful, but singles say they frequently hear these rude suggestions. \u201cIt\u2019s smug to think that because I\u2019m single, I clearly am doing something wrong,\u201d says Idora. Most of all, \u201cThis assumes that you\u2019re the all-knowing superior person who can diagnose the \u2018problem\u2019 and dole out advice about how to fix it,\u201d says Dr. DePaulo. \u201cPlenty of single people don\u2019t think they need to be fixed. And they\u2019re right. Even singles who want to be coupled don\u2019t always welcome unsolicited advice.\u201d Refrain from all attempts to teach your friend how to act or look, and respect and love her for her unique self.<\/p>\n

9. “You\u2019re still young. You\u2019ll find someone.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

You\u2019re probably trying to make her feel good about herself, but this kind of remark usually backfires. \u201cShe may think: \u2018I must look old. Why else would she feel the need to reassure me?\u2019\u201d says Dr. Kirschner. Besides, age has no bearing on one\u2019s ability to love or be loved, so don\u2019t spout platitudes that only perpetuate this myth.<\/p>\n

10. \u201cMaybe you\u2019re meant to be single.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

You don\u2019t have a crystal ball any more than your friend does. \u201cI want to share my life with someone; I don\u2019t need to,\u201d says *Nicola in New York City. \u201cBut I\u2019m not giving up on lasting love simply because it hasn\u2019t happened yet\u2014same as I wouldn\u2019t tell someone to give up on her dream at any age to go to college or start her own business or see the world. How dare anyone tell me to?\u201d With that bit of common sense, this is one thought that should never be said aloud.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Source: womansday.com<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The next time you\u2019re tempted to advise single friends, bite your tongue. \u201cYou may believe you\u2019re empathizing, but intrusive comments may offend your friend,\u201d says Helen Friedman, PhD, a clinical psychologist in St. Louis who specializes in relationships. \u201cBefore you open your mouth, ask yourself what\u2019s more important: your opinion or your friendship?\u201d Here\u2019s what […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":5924,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[],"tags":[51],"yoast_head":"\n10 things never to say to singles - Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. 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