{"id":5334,"date":"2014-03-11T10:44:38","date_gmt":"2014-03-11T10:44:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/4cd.e16.myftpupload.com\/?p=5334"},"modified":"2014-03-11T10:47:24","modified_gmt":"2014-03-11T10:47:24","slug":"10-things-never-to-do-after-a-fight","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/03\/10-things-never-to-do-after-a-fight\/","title":{"rendered":"10 things never to do after a fight"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Couple-Fighting\"<\/a>It\u2019s completely normal\u2014and healthy\u2014for couples to argue. You\u2019re two separate people, and you\u2019re going to have different opinions sometimes.<\/p>\n

But what you might not realize is that how you act post-spat can be as important to your relationship as what you say in the heat of the moment.<\/p>\n

Here are 10 reactions to avoid, whether you\u2019re totally over it or still working on that whole forgive-and-forget thing.<\/p>\n

1. Don\u2019t give him the cold shoulder.<\/strong> If you need some space after a fight, that\u2019s OK\u2014as long as you tell him. \u201cOne of the biggest mistakes people make after an argument is stonewalling,\u201d says Rachel A. Sussman, a licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert in New York City. If you brush him off or ignore him, he may think you\u2019re punishing him, which may make him hold back on telling you how he feels in the future. Instead, say, \u201cMy emotions don\u2019t recede as quickly as yours, but give me 24 hours and I\u2019m sure things will be fine. If not, we can discuss more.\u201d<\/p>\n

2. Don\u2019t keep his words in your arsenal.<\/strong>You know \u201cWhat happens in Vegas stays in Vegas\u201d? Whatever your partner says during a fight should stay there. \u201cList-makers never tell their partners what bothers them in the moment,\u201d says Michelle Golland, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in Los Angeles who works with couples. So if he says something during the fight that bugs you, tell him his words are frustrating you. If his fighting words annoy you the next day, give yourself some breathing room instead of approaching him again so soon. Bringing up an argument too often can lead to talking in circles, not a resolution.<\/p>\n

3. Don\u2019t just say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry\u201d if he\u2019s still hurt.<\/strong> That says, \u201cI\u2019m sick of this. Leave me alone. I want to do something else,\u201d says Laurie Puhn, a couples mediator and creator of the Fight Less, Love More program based on her bestselling book. \u201cWhat you want to say is, \u2018I\u2019m sorry for\u2026\u2019 and explain what you\u2019re talking about. The second part of the apology is, \u2018In the future, I will\u2026\u2019 and fill in the blank with how you won\u2019t make the mistake again.\u201d<\/p>\n

4. Don\u2019t make excuses for why you fought.<\/strong> There are a million things on which you could blame an argument: a bad day at work, a headache, a restless night. In fact, a University of California, Berkeley, study says that couples who don\u2019t get enough sleep are more likely to fight. Still, passing the blame isn\u2019t fair to your or your partner. \u201cFights are about information,\u201d says Dr. Golland. \u201cIf you\u2019re angry, sad or hurt, that\u2019s information your husband needs to know.\u201d The next time you have a bad day at work, \u201cwarn your husband before you get home,\u201d suggests Dr. Golland. That way, he knows that you may be more irritable.<\/p>\n

5. Don\u2019t walk away if he re-approaches the argument.<\/strong> If it\u2019s been only a few minutes since your fight, tell your husband you\u2019re open to any questions or hearing about lingering frustrations after he\u2019s had time to think. If he wants to revisit the issue after a few days, though, don\u2019t turn your back on him. \u201cNon-verbal communication is as loud as yelling,\u201d says Dr. Golland. If you find yourself walking away, apologize, return and hear him out. \u201cReflect back what he\u2019s telling you: \u2018So you\u2019re saying [fill in the blank]. Correct?\u2019 Check in to make sure you\u2019re getting it right.\u201d<\/p>\n

6. Don\u2019t keep getting in jabs. Still reeling from a fight<\/strong>? That doesn\u2019t give you the right to mutter not-so-sweet nothings. \u201cNever call a person a name. It\u2019s hard to recover from that,\u201d says Sussman. So if you fought about your vacation budget, don\u2019t say he\u2019s cheap when you\u2019re looking at your friend\u2019s photos from her trip to Greece. Name-calling only \u201cmakes him come back swinging with insults,\u201d says Sussman. Instead, ask him to talk through what\u2019s still bothering you once you\u2019ve calmed down. Say something like, \u201cI know you\u2019re concerned we don\u2019t have the money, but here\u2019s a budget I made,\u201d suggests Sussman.<\/p>\n

7. Don\u2019t have makeup sex if you\u2019re not feeling it.<\/strong> You both said \u201cI\u2019m sorry\u201d and meant it\u2014but now he\u2019s trying to get some, and all you can think is, Seriously? \u201cIt\u2019s not that they don\u2019t realize you had a fight,\u201d says Sussman. \u201cMany men want to have sex to feel close.\u201d If going at it is the last thing on your mind, let him down gently. \u201cSay, \u2018Thank you for feeling like you want to be close to me, but I\u2019m not in the mood right now,\u201d she suggests. \u201cHug him, and tell him that maybe you can have sex tomorrow.\u201d Don\u2019t just roll over and refuse him without an explanation. \u201cThat will hurt his feelings,\u201d says Sussman.<\/p>\n

8. Don\u2019t focus on what caused the fight.<\/strong> Your energy is better spent on the solutions for the problem. Puhn uses this example: Say your husband forgot to bring cash to a cash-only event. You had a tiff about it, but then you went to an ATM and the issue was resolved. Enjoy the night instead of replaying your partner\u2019s screw-up in your head. \u201cThe difference between a bad fight and a good fight is whether or not you reached a solution,\u201d says Puhn. On the other hand, if his forgetfulness is consistent, try saying, \u201cI\u2019m noticing that you aren\u2019t carrying cash much these days. What\u2019s going on there?\u201d It\u2019s a less judgmental way to get at the issue than, \u201cUgh! Not again!\u201d<\/p>\n

9. Don\u2019t say, \u201cI didn\u2019t mean it.\u201d<\/strong> \u201cSaying this is like trying to use an eraser on permanent marker,\u201d says Puhn. \u201cIt inflames the situation because your husband will say: \u2018Yes you did!\u2019\u201d Going back and forth on what you said or didn\u2019t say, meant or didn\u2019t mean, keeps you focused on the past instead of working toward a solution for the future, which is the goal of any disagreement. If hesays, \u201cI didn\u2019t mean it,\u201d say, \u201cYou didn\u2019t mean it, but the result was that I felt this way. So in the future, please do XYZ.\u201d<\/p>\n

10. Don\u2019t beat yourself up that you had a fight.<\/strong> Everyone wants a partner who\u2019s invested\u2014and fighting can be a sign that you\u2019re both still working at the relationship (a positive thing!). Puhn says she knows a couple is doomed when they say, \u201cWe used to fight a lot, but now we raise our hands and walk out.\u201d It\u2019s not that they don\u2019t disagree on things. \u201cIt means they\u2019re letting the relationship go, which is what happens before they leave or find an affair,\u201d says Puhn. So feel good that you both still care enough to get to the bottom of your issues.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Source: womansday.com<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s completely normal\u2014and healthy\u2014for couples to argue. You\u2019re two separate people, and you\u2019re going to have different opinions sometimes. But what you might not realize is that how you act post-spat can be as important to your relationship as what you say in the heat of the moment. Here are 10 reactions to avoid, whether […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":5338,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[],"tags":[51],"yoast_head":"\n10 things never to do after a fight - Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/03\/10-things-never-to-do-after-a-fight\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"10 things never to do after a fight - Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"It\u2019s completely normal\u2014and healthy\u2014for couples to argue. You\u2019re two separate people, and you\u2019re going to have different opinions sometimes. But what you might not realize is that how you act post-spat can be as important to your relationship as what you say in the heat of the moment. Here are 10 reactions to avoid, whether […]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/03\/10-things-never-to-do-after-a-fight\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/citi97.3\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2014-03-11T10:44:38+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2014-03-11T10:47:24+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/Couple-Fighting.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"448\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"339\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Jonas Nyabor\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@citi973\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@citi973\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Jonas Nyabor\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/03\/10-things-never-to-do-after-a-fight\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/03\/10-things-never-to-do-after-a-fight\/\",\"name\":\"10 things never to do after a fight - Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2014-03-11T10:44:38+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2014-03-11T10:47:24+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/#\/schema\/person\/476b2fb2e9233445afbfa2662d85fe6b\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/03\/10-things-never-to-do-after-a-fight\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/03\/10-things-never-to-do-after-a-fight\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/03\/10-things-never-to-do-after-a-fight\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"10 things never to do after a fight\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/\",\"name\":\"Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always\",\"description\":\"Ghana News | Ghana Politics | Ghana Soccer | Ghana Showbiz\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/#\/schema\/person\/476b2fb2e9233445afbfa2662d85fe6b\",\"name\":\"Jonas Nyabor\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/b74e004fce505330b7ba17aeaae177b3?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/b74e004fce505330b7ba17aeaae177b3?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Jonas Nyabor\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/author\/jonas\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"10 things never to do after a fight - Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/03\/10-things-never-to-do-after-a-fight\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"10 things never to do after a fight - Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always","og_description":"It\u2019s completely normal\u2014and healthy\u2014for couples to argue. You\u2019re two separate people, and you\u2019re going to have different opinions sometimes. But what you might not realize is that how you act post-spat can be as important to your relationship as what you say in the heat of the moment. Here are 10 reactions to avoid, whether […]","og_url":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/03\/10-things-never-to-do-after-a-fight\/","og_site_name":"Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/citi97.3","article_published_time":"2014-03-11T10:44:38+00:00","article_modified_time":"2014-03-11T10:47:24+00:00","og_image":[{"width":448,"height":339,"url":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/Couple-Fighting.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Jonas Nyabor","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@citi973","twitter_site":"@citi973","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Jonas Nyabor","Est. reading time":"6 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/03\/10-things-never-to-do-after-a-fight\/","url":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/03\/10-things-never-to-do-after-a-fight\/","name":"10 things never to do after a fight - Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/#website"},"datePublished":"2014-03-11T10:44:38+00:00","dateModified":"2014-03-11T10:47:24+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/#\/schema\/person\/476b2fb2e9233445afbfa2662d85fe6b"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/03\/10-things-never-to-do-after-a-fight\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/03\/10-things-never-to-do-after-a-fight\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/03\/10-things-never-to-do-after-a-fight\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"10 things never to do after a fight"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/","name":"Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always","description":"Ghana News | Ghana Politics | Ghana Soccer | Ghana Showbiz","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/#\/schema\/person\/476b2fb2e9233445afbfa2662d85fe6b","name":"Jonas Nyabor","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/b74e004fce505330b7ba17aeaae177b3?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/b74e004fce505330b7ba17aeaae177b3?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Jonas Nyabor"},"url":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/author\/jonas\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5334"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5334"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5334\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5338"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5334"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5334"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5334"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}