{"id":410539,"date":"2018-03-17T13:36:28","date_gmt":"2018-03-17T13:36:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/citifmonline.com\/?p=410539"},"modified":"2018-03-17T13:36:28","modified_gmt":"2018-03-17T13:36:28","slug":"regret-spending-50000-wedding-mother-3-laments","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2018\/03\/regret-spending-50000-wedding-mother-3-laments\/","title":{"rendered":"‘I regret spending \u00a350,000 on my wedding’ – Mother of 3 laments"},"content":{"rendered":"
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There\u2019s a box at the top of my wardrobe that I\u2019ve only opened once. It contains the most expensive piece of clothing I\u2019m ever likely to own. Beautifully wrapped in acid-free tissue paper and boxed with a bow for storage, almost certainly never to be worn again. My wedding dress. As far as cost-per-wear goes, it\u2019s not good.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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I\u2019ve taken it out once since my wedding day in 2007, to remind myself of what it felt like to put all one\u2019s hopes, dreams and excitement into a single day.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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I bought the dress, a lace gown, for \u00a35,000 from an ultra-exclusive bridal boutique where the assistants were terrifyingly brisk. It was the most I\u2019d ever spent on anything in my life \u2013 and that was without the silk veil, jewelled headdress, bespoke underwear, designer shoes, make-up, going-away outfit, hairdresser and brand-new scent which would remind me forevermore of the day.<\/p>\n

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Now, 10 years later, with three children, I look back with the irritating benefit of hindsight and wonder what on earth I was thinking. It’s a\u00a0dress –\u00a0<\/em>a\u00a0dress I knew I would only wear once.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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And back then, aged 27, I didn\u2019t just want the dress \u2013 I wanted everything. I behaved like the most princessy princess ever to open a bridal magazine. I was usually fairly level-headed, but something inside me flipped as I said yes to my partner’s proposal.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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I felt like I\u2019d been catapulted into a fantasy world, where my loose grip on the reality of what marriage was really about (combined with a strong sense of bridal entitlement) propelled us to splash almost definitely upwards of \u2013 and I struggle to say this \u2013 \u00a350,000 on our wedding day.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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How could I have thought it was a good idea to spend such an eye-watering amount of money – more than the average deposit for a house – on one day?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Once we started, it was as though we couldn\u2019t stop. At the time, my husband had a really well-paid City job so I felt that we could afford the best of the best. Having our \u2018big fat London wedding\u2019 became an obsession. \u2018Must-haves\u2019 included a ceremony in a central London church with full choir, a reception in a trendy private members\u2019 club, proper free-flowing Moet (no prosecco for us) as well as all the odds and ends, such as the \u00a3900 wedding cake that my mother insisted on. And then we \u2018had to\u2019 have a honeymoon on stilts in the Maldives \u2013 which added another \u00a315,000 to everything.<\/p>\n

\"Expensive<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Coming from a large family of equally large weddings, there was a part of me that wanted to impress everyone. I wanted to keep up with all the other weddings I\u2019d been to \u2013 and out-do them. I was completely obsessed with this need to deliver a beautiful day, but I never thought past that. The wedding day itself became everything.<\/p>\n

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I think part of it came from an emotional need to mark a new beginning for my future husband and me. There had been significant ups and downs in our relationship – we\u2019d struggled through a terrible family trauma and we\u2019d both had job struggles. We hoped that buying our house and having this wonderful wedding would be the fresh start we wanted, and if that meant spending a large chunk of money? So be it.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Our goal was to have a fabulous day that we would remember forever. And we certainly did that. It was a beautiful occasion surrounded by our loved ones that looks even more beautiful in photographs.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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But do I regret the gobsmacking cost of it? Yes.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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The day was so fleeting that most of those precious details I\u2019d obsessed about for months were lost on me. We\u2019d carefully selected canapes and paired them with the most exquisite wines. But with all the adrenaline of the day, my appetite disappeared and I couldn\u2019t manage more than a few mouthfuls.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Then there was the venue itself. It looked stunning dressed with thousands of pounds worth of flowers, candles and small gifts that I\u2019d spent ages choosing. But how many people really noticed it – particularly given the amount of alcohol they\u2019d consumed before even arriving at dinner? We also invited way too many people \u2013 some of whom we\u2019re no longer in touch with. I look back and think maybe it would have been more appropriate to have just half of the 120 \u2018friends\u2019 we invited.<\/p>\n

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Today, as a mother of three who works part-time, with a house that needs constant attention, I\u2019m well aware of the value of money. As fate would have it, we learnt that lesson the hard way before we even reached the altar. My husband was made redundant the day before our wedding.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Of course, by that point, everything had to be paid for. I\u2019d presented lists of suppliers for him to pay in the lead-up to the big day. It was all far too expensive but by then there was no going back. Our only option was to just try and enjoy it.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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We did and it was a magical day, but it could have been just as special at a fraction of the cost. Marriage isn\u2019t about weddings; it\u2019s what comes afterwards that counts.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Today, we are happily married, and my husband is back in work. But I occasionally think back to the money we spent on the wedding, and think longingly of the security it could have brought us when we really needed it.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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I regret spending it, and I wish society didn\u2019t keep encouraging brides (and grooms) to do the same. It\u2019s not necessary, and the pressure to have a \u2018perfect\u2019 wedding can become too much. If my children marry, there\u2019s no way I\u2019ll be pushing them to have a \u2018dream wedding\u2019 like the one I had.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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The box at the top of my wardrobe \u2013 with its barely worn lace gown buried in tissue \u2013 serves as a reminder to me, to make sure that my children don\u2019t ever start their married lives with the financial regrets I brought into mine.<\/p>\n

–<\/p>\n

Source: BBC<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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