At one time or another, most of us have found ourselves in a relationship where we\u2019re clinging. But, this is never to our advantage. When you get a fleece jacket out of the dryer and every sock you own is stuck to it, it\u2019s annoying, right?<\/p>\n
This\u00a0clinginess\u00a0is also aggravating in a relationship. Ergo, don\u2019t be a sock; socks suck.<\/p>\n
Still, learning how to stop being needy and\u00a0clingy is more than just a decision.\u00a0Clinginess\u00a0is a reaction to need\u00a0and need is a feeling we can\u2019t always control.<\/p>\n
This is why learning how to get your needs met is so vital. So is building your own self-esteem so you can frolic in a healthy relationship instead of wallow in an unstable one.<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, many people assume that asking a partner to meet their needs will put an unfair pressure on them, a pressure that will\u00a0leave the foundation of a union cracked.<\/p>\n
Then everything \u2014 the love, bond, and\u00a0trust \u2014 comes tumbling down. But, the irony is, in order to learn how to stop being needy, you must learn how to demand that your needs are indeed met. Yep, not expressing need creates neediness.<\/p>\n
When we don\u2019t express our needs and ask our partner to fulfill something, we stay locked in a state of need. That\u2019s what creates neediness in a relationship.<\/p>\n
For example, a woman who wants to tell the man she\u2019s dating that she loves him might find herself unable to sleep, struggling at work, or distracted. She\u2019ll definitely find herself insecure about her relationship.<\/p>\n
Expressing her heart, on the other hand, removes this burden and transforms the partnership. It also allows the relationship to blossom into the next stage.<\/p>\n
Part of this is when you\u2019re being honest with yourself, you\u2019re allowing your authentic self to be realized and that is so important in love and life. Be happy. Be\u00a0sappy. Be hurt. Be a flirt. Be playful. Be\u00a0graceful. The point is: be true and be you.<\/p>\n
When you fail to learn how to express yourself, you fail to learn how to love as well. And then the relationship simply fades quietly into the night.<\/p>\n
Being authentic and in touch with your needs\u00a0is a skill we must learn; it\u2019s scary to put yourself out there. It\u2019s also very, very necessary. So, in order to re-frame your relationship and your role in it, ask yourself what it is you truly want.<\/p>\n
Do you want to be heard? Do you want presence (or presents!)? Do you want clearer communication? Expressing your needs allows you and your partner to learn where you stand with each other.<\/p>\n
And it\u2019s different than putting overt pressure on somebody. But why? What makes something a burden and what makes it clean communication about one\u2019s needs?<\/p>\n
It comes down to this: when you\u2019re\u00a0asking someone to meet your needs, are you asking them to do something they\u2019re uncomfortable with? When you\u2019re asking someone to meet your needs, are you making assumptions about their intentions?<\/p>\n
In other words, the key to clear communication is to ensure that the other person is okay and that you\u2019re not making a request based on assumptions (or assigned blame).<\/p>\n
Luckily, the latter is easily resolved.\u00a0Assuming is a curable condition: talking is the remedy.<\/p>\n
In other words, there is a huge difference between saying, “You never listen to me” and “I\u2019m feeling a little insecure and I think I could use some more attention from you.”<\/p>\n
One elicits defensiveness; the other does not. One prevents you from owning your experience; the other does not.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s not just words that help you do this, either. Most communication, the vast majority, is nonverbal \u2014 it\u2019s not what you say but how you say it (your tone, your gestures).<\/p>\n
This is why communicating face to face is always better than doing so over email or text; technology removes nonverbal communication from the equation and sets the stage for misunderstandings.<\/p>\n
Communicating your needs\u00a0in a way that owns them and doesn\u2019t attack or blame the other person provides an opportunity for growth. It also allows your partner to step up and meet those needs, something they\u2019ll want to do if your relationship is worthy.<\/p>\n
If they don\u2019t step up (or they accuse you of pressuring them when your communication is clear and you-centric), then it might be time to reassess your union.<\/p>\n
Maybe you have different visions for the relationship. Maybe you\u2019re at different stages in your life. Maybe the guy or gal who works at the coffee shop and always draws a heart on your chai latte is a better fit.<\/p>\n
If that bridge appears, it\u2019s one you\u2019ll have to decide to cross.<\/p>\n
Ideally, your partner will jump at the opportunity to meet your needs (and you will do the same for them), because that\u2019s what makes a relationship go the distance.<\/p>\n
–<\/p>\n
Source: Your Tango<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
At one time or another, most of us have found ourselves in a relationship where we\u2019re clinging. But, this is never to our advantage. When you get a fleece jacket out of the dryer and every sock you own is stuck to it, it\u2019s annoying, right? This\u00a0clinginess\u00a0is also aggravating in a relationship. Ergo, don\u2019t be […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":212890,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[354],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n