Ghanamanosyncratic Nsempiisms<\/p>\n
My brothers and sisters, first and foremost, I think basically that Ghanaians are a great bunch of people. We have our own expressions that are understood only by us. They come in various ways. We like to \u2018happy\u2019 ourselves. Is that true for all Ghanaians, you may ask. My response? \u201cWho told you?\u201d<\/p>\n
As a matter of fact, when you are contributing to a debate, you may get a response from a panelist to suggest that your argument does not \u2018wash\u2019 because your presentation of the issue is neither here nor there. \u2018Should in case\u2019 you try to correct him, he will stand his ground, that his point is the \u2018gospel truth\u2019, actually the true fact. Should you try to interrupt, he will insist that you let him \u2018land\u2019. Otherwise, he will shout, \u201cPlease, give me a break!\u201d<\/p>\n
Try putting in a call to the ECG consumer care line (does one exist?) to complain about an issue. The standard response: \u201cWe are working on it.\u201d Walk to the complaint centre and you may meet workers there who would tell you \u2018we are on break\u2019. Break can last for three hours. Try telling them that it is not good customer service and the response will be \u201cmy friend, what is your beef? This is not America. You are even lucky we have not closed at 2 p.m.\u201d.<\/p>\n
Supposing you work in that establishment and want things to be done differently, you would be asked \u2018Is it your father\u2019s work?\u2019 Don\u2019t push too much, because you would be branded as \u2018too known\u2019. Then, you need to be careful because the next time you misbehave, a superior could show you \u2018where power lies\u2019. A colleague may even warn you to be careful \u2013 \u201cyou di\u03b5, you no know!\u201d The thing is that you may end up being dismissed.<\/p>\n
As far as these service providers are concerned, we have gone to the drawing board for too long; I wonder the efficacy of the modalities that have been drawn to move them forward. In this democratic dispensation, our leaders need to expedite action to get them to be efficient; already we are reeling under the effect of the ecomini<\/em>. Then, and only then, can we say \u2018Thumps up!\u2019<\/p>\n In Sikaman, when you seek clarification on an issue from an older Ghanaman you don\u2019t ask \u2018what do you mean?\u2019 It is considered an insult. You can say \u2018I beg your pardon?\u2019 Otherwise, you could be branded a \u2018bleddy\u2019 fool!<\/p>\n The rainy season in Ghana brings with it various excuses to skip work, especially for those in the civil service. You will find the guy pulling his cloth around himself the more, as the rain hits his roof. The standard expression is \u201cThe weather bring himself! As for this weather, hmmm.\u201d<\/em> In other words, the probability of this guy showing up at work on such a rainy day is zero! Frankly speaking, he is not going to work!<\/p>\n \u201cChop, make I chop some\u201d; now that is not referring to an experience at an eatery or in local parlance, a \u2018chop bar\u2019. It is the practice of \u2018hand-go-hand-come\u2019, corruption spread thinly so everyone is settled. If you attempt to swerve any member of the team, you would be asked \u201cCharlie, where is my share?\u201d Sometimes, one officer takes the lead in the corruption move and gives the rest back passes.<\/p>\n When a trotro<\/em> approaches where a passenger wants to alight, you could hear \u201cB-u-u-s stop! I will drop here!\u201d The driver\u2019s mate should by now be ready with the passenger\u2019s change. If you don\u2019t give the mate enough notice before your stop, then be ready to experience a jolt as the driver applies aponkye brake!<\/p>\n \u201cEi, Kwaku, I see you ky\u03b5r o!\u201d Booklong<\/strong><\/p>\n I like booklong<\/em> people. They like book and they love to read. But the Ghanaman is likely to ask you why you are booklong<\/em> like that, if all you do it to study and quote \u2018big English\u2019.<\/p>\n When a statement seems too good to be true, the Ghanaman will exclaim \u201cAs for this one paa di\u03b5!\u201d However, if the matter sweet him<\/em>, he will say \u201cSay it and say it again!\u201d If the issue is worrying or irritating, you will hear him say, \u201cWhat kind matter koraa be this?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n When I attend events and the MC starts by saying, \u2018without much ado\u2019 (some actually say \u2018without much I do\u2019)<\/em>, suggesting he will be brief, I laugh; usually the opposite happens. When a speaker opens with \u201cI won\u2019t take much of your time\u201d, watch out! In some churches, when the pastor states, \u201cin conclusion…\u201d<\/em>, be prepared for one more hour of the sermon, particularly if he is in the spirit. You will never be the same, again. All too soon, which does not come soon enough, the pastor will touch on his \u2018last but not the least\u2019 point and you may heave a sigh of relief.<\/p>\n Ingenuity is a strong characteristic of a Ghanaman. \u2018Take away\u2019<\/em> used to be available only for \u2018check-check\u2019 or fried rice. These days, you can do take away from chop bars, with fufu and light soup koraa. When you leave the food joint, don\u2019t be surprised to hear the proprietor say \u2018Please return back soon\u2019<\/em>, a sign of his good customer service. However, if you change your mind about patronizing this eatery, perhaps due to insanitary conditions, you could give an excuse that you are not going away totally, just going to come<\/em>. Express your opinion about the insanitary conditions, and you may hear someone who disagrees with you saying \u2018but you why?\u2019<\/p>\n With ECG\u2019s dum-sor-dum-sor<\/em> antics, we usually don\u2019t have the opportunity to off the light<\/em> in the mornings.<\/p>\n Ask a Ghanaman how he is doing. \u201cWe are managing o\u201d, \u201cIt is not easy o\u201d or \u201cBy his grace o\u201d. Home hard usually, raining but the ground is still hard. But how for do? Small-small, small time, e go be. \u2018God dey, we dey\u2019, as my friend Yaw Duose would say.<\/p>\n We are noted for our courtesy, especially in addressing older folks. The combinations are endless and sometimes needless: Bra Oldman, Sister Girl, Auntie Sister or Uncle Dada.<\/p>\n Some people just love to eat. Ghanaman will call such a person a foodian<\/em>. When a foodian<\/em> is your buddy buddy<\/em> and visits you at meal time, be careful about an invitation to the meal, \u2018you are invited\u2019 or \u2018you have met me\u2019<\/em>. He could take over your meal and also ask silly questions like \u2018was the akrantie<\/em> shot or killed in a trap?\u2019 A good answer, particularly if you are not amused, could be \u2018lightning killed it!\u2019 You will talk true! Shine your eyes about such friends.<\/p>\n As kids, we knew such friends, so when they found us eating, we would jokingly say, \u201cAll hands are invited except those who will eat!\u201d Some foodians<\/em> were not shy koraa<\/em>, they would still join in!<\/p>\n Big men<\/strong><\/p>\n Don\u2019t cross the big men in our society. \u201cDo you know who I am? Who are you? Who born dog? Who born you by mistake?\u2019<\/em> are some of the expressions you could hear. If you are bold to stand up to them, the really annoyed one can tell you \u2018Go way you! The cheek of it!\u2019 and \u2018nonsense on high heels!\u2019<\/em> Please increase the distance between you and that big man, otherwise you will smell pepper<\/em> and be laughing at the wrong side of your mouth.<\/p>\n In relationship and marriages, choices differ. Some of the ladies like thick tall men and some like slim machos. Some men like women with enough body.<\/p>\n I was listening to a Twi commentary on radio. Kotoko was playing against Hearts of Oak. It was a cagey encounter. \u201cMine oh mine,\u201d the commentator kept repeating. He gave the commentary in between adverts for the many sponsors; most of them locally produced blood tonics. I wondered whether the players took those tonics instead of water on the field of play.<\/p>\n Workmen Wahala<\/strong><\/p>\n Watch repairers, tailors, seamstresses, radio repairs \u2013 these are amongst the artisans whose words are taken with bags of Annapurna salt. You visit their shops to check on the progress of your job. \u201cOh small time, I will finish; e l\u03b5f small.\u201d When they ask you to look up, look down, otherwise a piece of wood will pierce your eyes! When they see you approaching their shops, they pick up your article or equipment; once you leave, they switch to another\u2019s. You got to love the Ghanaian mechanic. When he doesn\u2019t understand what a component in the engine is supposed to do or can\u2019t repair it, his first action is to disable it. His reason? \u2018This is not required in hot climates \u2013 they use it only in abrokyire\u2019.<\/p>\n Thief man thief thief man, no one vex!<\/em> A simple law in Ghana. Similar to the law that says \u201cyou do me, I do you\u201d. All die be die!<\/p>\n When I went to Form 1 for my secondary education, it was a whole different world. On the walls of my dormitory, I found out that some students who passed through the institution had inscribed their names written on classroom walls and ceilings, as a reminder that they were there some<\/em>. Apart from that memorial on the walls, no one remembered them. Some would come to visit the school, expecting some sort of remembrance. Zilch! They would ask the little ones :\u201dWhen we were we, where were you?\u201d Excuse me to say, we were in \u2018cyto\u2019<\/em> and preparatory schools. They may have been ogbontias<\/em> in their time but they forgot that \u2018no condition is permanent.<\/p>\n Dining hall food made us miss home-made \u2018cho\u2019<\/em> all the time. Except for the \u2018mama-bas\u2019 and \u2018dada-bas\u2019 who were visited every weekend.<\/p>\n Some of the concoctions we were served in school defied characterisation. Some swore that the kontomire stew we were served with was actually made from cassava leaves. Once a week, we got one egg each, for breakfast. It went with bread and Milo<\/em> Tea<\/em>. Sometimes, we experienced scattey in the dining hall. Free for all. That was the only time the junior boys got more than a paltry portion.<\/p>\n One day, there was scattey<\/em>. This friend of mine got an entire table\u2019s portion of bread. This guy was a good runner. He could run like something. He really tried, his skin caught him papa<\/em>, but he survived the chaos in the hall. After managing to exit the hall with two surviving loaves, an intelligent senior boy standing by the entrance just called him over, took the two loaves of bread and just gave him that hard end of one of the loaves. Agyeiiii! Monkey dey work, baboon dey chop!<\/em> My friend was livid. \u201cNana, my eyes are red, but how for do? I can only hit him stick.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n In Ghana, people are willing to give you directions when you ask. However, there are basically two problems. First and foremost, if the person does not know the directions to a place, he will not give any indication that he does not know. Secondly, the instructions are rarely conclusive. Check out these directions to the post office: \u201cplease go straight a-a-a-a-h<\/em>, you will see a mango tree, pass in front of it and turn left, go straight again and ask anybody you see.\u201d<\/p>\n Ghana Metric Time (GMT)<\/strong><\/p>\n Then, there are those who never keep to their time. They follow the Ghana Man Time. Bob Palitz calls it the Ghana Metric Time, arguing that for the Ghanaman, 100 minutes make one hour and a minute consists of 100 seconds. You have an appointment with and he calls you a few minutes to the time. \u201cCharlie, I dey traffic inside o!\u201d or \u201cI am in a long line at Circle.\u201d Meanwhile, Ghanaman has not even left his house. If such a person is a friend, you have to manage the relationship well, otherwise you soon will not be on speaking terms with him. Usually, it is better to speak your mind and tell him, \u201cMassa, this your habit<\/em> is not fresh koraa<\/em>, you got to change.\u201d<\/p>\n When it comes to such conflict in friendships, usually female struggle the most. Small time nn-o-h<\/em>, then one would say to the friend \u2018we are not on speaking terms, don\u2019t speak to me again. Aka aka aka, akaa dompe!\u2019 Otsokobila!<\/em><\/p>\n There are friends who promise to touch base with you, to call you on phone, but only \u2018flash\u2019<\/em>, especially when they are on a journey. \u201cI will bell<\/em> you when I catch there.\u201d They never have credit on their phones. You try calling them and they won\u2019t pick up. Their excuse? \u201cMy phone was on charge.\u201d When you get them on the phone and they don\u2019t want to talk to you, they go: \u201cHello hello, the network is bad o.\u201d Reminds me of this guy who had a stomach upset, was in the loo when a call came through. \u201cHello, hello,\u201d he said, \u201cplease call me later; I am in a serious meeting!\u201d Indeed, \u2018thumps up\u2019<\/em> to this smart guy!<\/p>\n \u201cYou fool too much\u201d<\/em>, some may be saying. Well, this is true Ghanaman talk. I taya sef. I am going to come, catch you later. Perhaps, we will crush moro, abi? I have to run, I am taking my little girl to the hospital for weighing.<\/p>\n \u2018Weighing\u2019 and tom brown<\/strong><\/p>\n Ah, weighing. In the good old days, sending your child to the Polyclinic for immunization, basic growth checks and weighing was pleasantly anticipated. You got \u2018tom brown\u2019<\/em> if you took your child for weighing. I can\u2019t remember whether the tom brown<\/em> was for the child, the mother or older siblings. The nurses also took a lot of it home, which is how I got my supply for school. Sometimes, the tom brown<\/em> came with powdered milk. Kai! That one could produce a steady stream of gas from the human exhaust pipe. We called that milk \u2018dinat\u2019- eat it and flatulence was koko<\/em>!<\/p>\n Opiana got a call from his friend Ascona.<\/p>\n \u201cMassa, did you listen to Cool FM today?\u201d The land where any allegation can be made. I dey feel the country!<\/p>\n In fact, Ghana dey be! I feel you, Ghanaians.<\/p>\n Oki-doki, I got to go now, we will crush<\/em> later!<\/p>\n –<\/p>\n By: Nana Awere Damoah Ghanamanosyncratic Nsempiisms My brothers and sisters, first and foremost, I think basically that Ghanaians are a great bunch of people. We have our own expressions that are understood only by us. They come in various ways. We like to \u2018happy\u2019 ourselves. Is that true for all Ghanaians, you may ask. My response? \u201cWho told you?\u201d […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":26417,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2],"tags":[8],"yoast_head":"\n
\n\u201cYes o, Akwasi! Do you know something? The last time, I was sitting my somewhere when I got a call from Bruno, you remember him?\u201d
\n\u201cOh no, please remember me of him or please remember him for me.\u201d<\/em>
\n\u201cAh, this boy who was in House One!\u201d
\n\u201cAhaa, I remember. But when you see him, will you see him?\u201d<\/em>
\nThat means that because it\u2019s been such a long time, it could be difficult to recognise him.
\n\u201cOK Charlie, we will crush tomorrow.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n
\n\u201cWhy? What is the matter?\u201d
\n\u201cHonorable Menum alleged that you have taken bribe.\u201d
\n\u201cMe? Ei! Does he have proof?\u201d
\n\u201cHe said he has documents and a tape.\u201d
\n\u201cI will call the radio station, then. I challenge him to produce the tape (ah, do people still record on cassette?). Today be today, he has been having verbal diarrhoea for so long! That statement is far from the truth, my honesty is as crystal as glass.\u201d
\n\u201cOpiana, he said that you rather have to prove that you are innocent.\u201d
\n\u201cTwe-a-a, na lie! I won\u2019t! If he doesn\u2019t provide the evidence, I will leave him to God.\u201d<\/p>\n
\nAuthor, I Speak of Ghana<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"