{"id":349314,"date":"2017-08-30T13:48:44","date_gmt":"2017-08-30T13:48:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/citifmonline.com\/?p=349314"},"modified":"2017-11-10T12:36:09","modified_gmt":"2017-11-10T12:36:09","slug":"3-things-women-in-passionate-sexual-relationships-do","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2017\/08\/3-things-women-in-passionate-sexual-relationships-do\/","title":{"rendered":"3 things women in passionate sexual relationships do"},"content":{"rendered":"
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If things feel a little dull. You know those couples that just look like their sexual passion is alive and well? The ones who spontaneously and easily touch and kiss each other in public? Or maybe you have a friend who, when the conversation turn to sex and intimacy, shares an exciting story that makes you think, wow, that sounds fun (and then wonder if perhaps your sex life could use a bit of spicing up)?<\/p>\n

Have you ever wondered why these couples experience ongoing passion and higher levels of sexual desire, while others feel that the passion and desire wane over time? Are they just lucky? Or are they doing something differently?<\/p>\n

Over the course of my research, I interviewed two groups of women (aged 18 to 29) in longer-term relationships (at least 2.5 years or longer) to find out. One study included women who felt that their sexual spark was alive and well, while the other group reported experiencing a wane in desire as their relationship progressed.<\/p>\n

After interviewing the women about their experiences, I compared their responses to see if there were any differences \u2014 and what, if anything, we could learn from these “high-desire women” about how to maintain passion in a marriage or long-term relationship.<\/p>\n

It turns out there were three things that women in passionate sexual relationships were doing differently:<\/p>\n

1. They stay mentally present during sex<\/strong><\/p>\n

When you’re having sex, do you feel your mind wandering? Maybe you’re making a grocery list for the dinner party you’re hosting next weekend. Or painstakingly going over that awkward conversation you had with your boss at work earlier that day. Or are you able to focus on the moment, tuning into the touches and sensations?<\/p>\n

Mindfulness appears to be a crucial component to feeling higher levels of sexual desire. Women in my study who self-identified as having higher levels of sexual desire said they were able to stay present and focused during sexual activity, while women in the decreased desire group indicated that they found their mind would wander while having sex. For example:<\/p>\n

High: “If we decide we want to have sex, it\u2019s just like, forget about everything else right now. I\u2019ll just concentrate on pleasing my partner, and he\u2019ll concentrate on pleasing me. Being in the moment… I don\u2019t let anything get in the way.”<\/p>\n

Low: “I feel like I have to work pretty hard at focusing on, okay, this is time that we\u2019re spending together, instead of, this is what I have to do tomorrow. My mind wanders a lot during [sexual activity], which doesn\u2019t help.”<\/p>\n

2. They view monotony and routine as positive, not negative<\/strong><\/p>\n

As relationships become longer-term, it is natural to fall into a more \u201ccomfortable\u201d routine. We go from wearing nice outfits to sweatpants, going out for dinners to eating popcorn in front of the TV, and our sex lives tend to fall into a routine as well. Interestingly, it seems that it is not the monotony and routine of our sex lives that matters as much as women\u2019s perceptions of that routine.<\/p>\n

Women in the high-desire group were more likely to say they liked routine. They indicated that over time, their partner had learned how to please them, and they liked keeping things familiar and predictable. They said this led to more sexual satisfaction and higher desire.<\/p>\n

On the other hand, women in the decreased desire group described routine as boring and a killer of their interest in sex. They craved new experiences that they felt they were not getting in their relationship. For example:<\/p>\n

High: “There is an element of routine at this point, but it\u2019s not a bad thing. We know what each other likes, and we know what works for each other, and that\u2019s why we do it, you know?\u201d<\/p>\n

Low: “I don\u2019t understand it. Whenever I have a shower, he\u2019ll get into the shower with me. And we\u2019ll make out, and we might have sex or fool around. But even those not so typical things almost have become routine. So it\u2019s kind of frustrating.”<\/p>\n

3. They make sex a priority<\/strong><\/p>\n

It’s completely natural for desire to ebb and flow over the course of a relationship. Having a sexual slump isn’t the issue. It’s what you and your partner decide to do about such slumps that matters.<\/p>\n

The women in the high-desire group acknowledged that sexual passion wasn\u2019t a permanently super-charged experience. Rather, they said that they experienced sexual ups and downs, but when they were in a rut they noticed it, talked about it, and did something to spice things up. Women in the waning desire group, on the other hand, indicated that when they hit a slump, they took more of a passive role and didn\u2019t do a lot (if anything) to address those concerns. For example:<\/p>\n

High: “There are some times, over the course of six years, at one point or another, I\u2019m like, okay, this is becoming really routine. Then we, like, switch it up, and we try to make it more exciting. Because we don\u2019t want to fall into that pattern of like, every night this is what we\u2019re going to do. There have been points where I have felt that way… but it doesn\u2019t last that long. We get over it, we spice things up.”<\/p>\n

Low: “I think it\u2019s just that the interest kind of peaks off a little bit, and we don\u2019t put as much effort as we probably should into our relationship. But I mean, I think after a while you get out of that \u2018just together for our 6-month honeymoon period\u2019 and you just get used to it.”<\/p>\n

What does this mean for you?<\/strong><\/p>\n

The great thing about these findings is that the women who experienced maintained passion and desire in their relationships didn’t have amazing secrets or super sexual powers. In other words, there weren’t intrinsic characteristics and personalities that led to higher or lower levels of desire.<\/p>\n

Instead, women with high desire held certain \u2014 and realistic \u2014 perspectives about what sex in longer-term relationships should look like, and had embraced how to maintain passion in a marriage.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/header>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
–<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Source: Your Tango<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If things feel a little dull. You know those couples that just look like their sexual passion is alive and well? The ones who spontaneously and easily touch and kiss each other in public? Or maybe you have a friend who, when the conversation turn to sex and intimacy, shares an exciting story that makes […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[354],"tags":[4653,3,4654],"yoast_head":"\n3 things women in passionate sexual relationships do - Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. 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