![\"rbk-men-arent-telling-you-they-want-1-lgn\"](\"http:\/\/4cd.e16.myftpupload.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/07\/rbk-men-arent-telling-you-they-want-1-lgn.jpg\")
<\/a>If one of you is more social than the other, you need to actively work to strike the right balance between your personalities.\u00a0<\/strong>As newlywed Chad L. said,\u00a0\u201c<\/strong>I would enjoy spending less money on expensive dinners with friends, and more time for just the two of us.\u201d\u00a0Studies<\/a>show that double dates are beneficial for relationships\u2014but not when they come at the expense of alone time. \u201cMake sure you\u2019re not doing it as a distraction because you\u2019re having trouble communicating with each other,\u201d says\u00a0Kara Thompson<\/a>, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Lenexa, KS.<\/p>\nThat said, if you\u2019re merely desperate for a night out at the end of a long day with the kids and he\u2019d rather not go anywhere after two hours of sitting in traffic, there\u2019s no harm in grabbing dinner with a friend and letting him handle homework and dinner duty from time to time.<\/p>\n
Consider treating decorating like a money matter, and agreeing that under a certain amount\u2014say, $200\u2014you can each make decisions on your own. And if you really do want him to pipe up with an opinion, listen when he does. \u201cIt\u2019s important that you consider it, even if it\u2019s not what you wanted to hear,\u201d says Thompson.<\/p>\n If one of you changed your mind about the matter\u2014say, your first pregnancy was really tough and you\u2019re not willing to go through it again\u2014it\u2019s worth scheduling an appointment with a counselor to explore whether there\u2019s any way to get back on the same page.<\/p>\n But a criticism is a personal attack\u2014for example, your husband saying he won\u2019t be attracted to you again until you lose 20 pounds. Complaints are okay. After all, everyone has opinions. But if your husband is picking you apart, that\u2019s a red flag, and you should have an honest discussion with him about how it makes you feel, says Thompson.<\/p>\n Often, going into control-freak mode is a sign that you\u2019re afraid, says Thompson. If you\u2019re able to tap into what\u2019s causing that fear, it will be easier to address the root issue, which probably isn\u2019t how he organized the pantry. \u201cMen want to feel confident in their relationship, and acting overly controlling may leave your husband feeling worthless,\u201d says Thompson.<\/p>\n And if you\u2019re trying to start a family with a chronic sports-watcher, perhaps share this information: A\u00a0study<\/a>\u00a0published in the\u00a0British Journal of Medicine\u00a0<\/em>found that men who watched more than 20 hours of TV a week had about half the sperm count of those who didn\u2019t watch any at all.<\/p>\n A slob is never going to morph into a butler, but if you tend toward messy, try to limit the piles to certain areas of the house. \u201cIf you have your own bathroom, keep it however you like,\u201d says Thompson. \u201cBut if you strew 10 pairs of shoes across the living room right where your husband could trip over them, or leave food out on the counter for days, that\u2019s a different story.\u201d<\/p>\n Take the opportunity to consider what\u2019s irking you and how you can make changes in your own life. If you feel out of shape, join a local running group where you can meet and train with like-minded women. Concerned that your professional skills are out of date? Sign up for a continuing education class at a local college.<\/p>\n \u201cIn this day and age, both people need to be aware of their exact financial situation,\u201d says Thompson. If your husband slips into \u201chis money\u201d terminology, it\u2019s time to reframe\u2014and modernize\u2014the conversation. \u201cThe two of you agreed to your financial setup, so the household money is both of yours,\u201d adds Thompson.<\/p>\n He\u2019s definitely not alone. A recent anonymous\u00a0Today.com<\/a>\u00a0survey<\/a>found that 60 percent of people say they sleep better solo too. If your sleep situation no longer feels ideal, don\u2019t hesitate to speak up. Robert and Cora do have separate bedrooms on\u00a0Downton Abbey<\/em>, after all.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Source:\u00a0redbookmag.com<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" It’s not always easy to speak up about the little\u2014or big\u2014things that bother you about your marriage, but some of this stuff may be on his mind. If one of you is more social than the other, you need to actively work to strike the right balance between your personalities.\u00a0As newlywed Chad L. said,\u00a0\u201cI would […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":33571,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[],"tags":[51],"yoast_head":"\n<\/a>No, your husband doesn\u2019t care about every coaster, but be careful not to assume he has no preferences at all. \u201cWhen I do pipe up and express an opinion\u2014like that I really do want the couch with the bigger ottoman\u2014it means it really matters to me,\u201d said Rob M., who\u2019s been married for six years. And remember, saying that whatever wallpaper is fine isn\u2019t a signal that he doesn\u2019t care what you think. \u201cIt just means that issue isn\u2019t a priority for him,\u201d says Thompson.<\/p>\n<\/a>\u201cMy wife thinks two kids is enough, but I come from a large, tight-knit family, and it doesn\u2019t feel right for my children not to have more siblings,\u201d says Jeff S., who\u2019s been married for eight years. Differences of opinion on when and if to start a family, not to mention the size of it, can create a huge rift in a relationship, especially since there\u2019s no way to compromise between having one kid and two.<\/p>\n<\/a>Some guys really don\u2019t notice your new haircut or bathing suit, but others do, and they secretly\u2014or openly\u2014hate it. \u201cThere\u2019s a huge difference between complaints about your appearance and genuine criticism about who you are,\u201d says Thompson. A complaint, such as preferring your hair blonde, is about a situation.<\/p>\n<\/a>When we get married, we often hold out hope that some of our partner\u2019s habits and qualities will change. It\u2019s fair to want to evolve together over the years, but you can\u2019t always dictate the terms. \u201cTrying to control everything I do just makes me want to dig in my heels and tune her out even more,\u201d says John H., married three years.<\/p>\n<\/a>We\u2019ve all heard a resounding \u201cno\u201d at the suggestion of a Saturday field trip to Home Depot\u2014and your husband does have a point. Weekends shouldn\u2019t be all about crossing everything off your shared to-do list, but that doesn\u2019t mean they should be filled with 10 hours of World Cup games either. Just like everything else in a marriage, how you spend your days off needs to be a compromise. Consider piling all the errands into one day, then reserving the other for more relaxing activities.<\/p>\n<\/a>\u201cMy side of the bedroom has a couple of things on the nightstand,\u201d says Lou A., married 13 years. \u201cHer side is a trail of clothes, books, tissues, plastic shopping bags, old pieces of mail, and magazines. I think the stuff multiplies during the day while we are away. I’m not a nitpicky neat freak, but it drives me nuts.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/a>It\u2019s one thing to debate the latest Internet gossip with friends, but it\u2019s a whole other to rip apart the people in your inner circle, which can leave your husband worried about what you say when he\u2019s not around. \u201cIf you get into a pattern where you are constantly picking other people apart, ask yourself what you\u2019re getting out of it,\u201d says Thompson. \u201cA lot of times what we criticize in others is what we don\u2019t like about ourselves.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/a>There are two possible issues here: One is that you\u2019re racking up debt and not paying attention. The other is that your husband may be oblivious to the expense of summer camp, violin lessons, and the ER visit required when your son fell out of a tree. In that case, he may think you\u2019re being frivolous when you\u2019re really trying hard to budget.<\/p>\n<\/a>Wanting to sleep solo has absolutely\u00a0nothing<\/em>\u00a0to do with how hot, wonderful, whatever he thinks you are. Sex and sleep are two entirely different biological functions. \u201cI know it\u2019s a terrible thing to say, but I sleep better when I\u2019m in bed alone,” says William S., married eight years. \u201cAlso, my wife has complained from time to time about my snoring. It just seems that separate bedrooms would make us both happier, and even add a bit of the old dating mystery when we do get together.\u201d<\/p>\n