What can you do right now to make your relationship more romantic? You could get your wife a diamond necklace. Or maybe you could buy her the Mercedes dream car she\u2019s always wanted. Sounds like a good idea, right?<\/p>\n
But let\u2019s suppose that you haven\u2019t asked your wife a question in five years, so you fail at\u00a0Love Maps. Or while you are out on a double date with friends and your wife starts telling a story, you say, \u201cThat\u2019s a good story, but you always tell it wrong. Let me tell it.\u201d So you fail at showing her\u00a0fondness and admiration.<\/p>\n
Later that night she excitedly plops down next to you on the couch and shows you a picture of a romantic getaway in Italy.<\/p>\n
\u201cIsn\u2019t this romantic?\u201d<\/p>\n
You respond, \u201cWill you be quiet? I\u2019m trying to read here!\u201d<\/p>\n
So you fail at\u00a0turning towards\u00a0her when she tries to connect with you.<\/p>\n
Now reconsider that necklace and new car. Is that going to rekindle the romance? I don\u2019t think so. She\u2019ll probably throw the necklace on the ground and use the new Mercedes to drive over it a few times for good measure.<\/p>\n
The Micro-Moments of Love<\/strong><\/p>\n Culture has distorted what makes passion sizzle in a marriage. Advertisements convey the message that a romantic getaway or expensive jewelry is the way to a woman\u2019s heart, but I find the dull moments of relationships are the most significant of all.<\/p>\n There is profound drama in the micro-moments of love. The time when Jack and Susan have dinner together and talk about their days rather than watch TV in silence. Or how Kevin and Kris tenderly touch each other as they pass in the kitchen.<\/p>\n Love is cultivated during the grind of everyday life. It\u2019s the seemingly meaningless little moments of connection that are the most meaningful of all.<\/p>\n In relationships, people offer what Dr. John Gottman calls a \u201cbid\u201d for each other\u2019s attention, affection, or support. This can be as insignificant as \u201cplease cut the carrots\u201d to something as significant as helping a partner deal with the struggles of an aging parent. In these moments, we have a choice to turn towards our partner or away from them. If we turn towards our partner, we build trust, emotional connection, and a passionate sexlife.<\/p>\n As loopy as it may sound, the passion of romance is enhanced in the supermarket. In the seemingly unrelated relationship question, \u201cDo we need milk?\u201d The reply, \u201cI can\u2019t remember. I\u2019ll grab some just in case\u201d makes a world of difference rather than apathetically shrugging your shoulders.<\/p>\n Dr. John Gottman discovered that couples who divorced an average of 6 years after their wedding turned toward each other 33 percent of the time in his lab, while the couples who were together after 6 years turned toward each other 86 percent of the time. That\u2019s a big difference.<\/p>\n The #1 things couples fight\u00a0about is not about money or in-laws or sex. According to Dr. Gottman, most arguments in relationships are about a failure to connect emotionally.<\/p>\n The Emotional Bank Account<\/strong><\/p>\n Every time you and your partner turn towards each other, you make a deposit into what Dr. John Gottman calls the Emotional Bank Account. Every connected moment in your relationship builds up a savings of lovethat can be used during hard times.<\/p>\n If a couple has more positive deposits than negative, they are less likely to distrust each other during hard times. But if their Emotional Bank Account is in debt of disconnection, then\u00a0trust and intimacy\u00a0erode away.<\/p>\n Here’s how to reconnect with your partner in three steps by\u00a0investing in your Emotional Bank Account.<\/p>\n 1. Accept bids for connection.<\/strong><\/p>\n