Since forever, for one reason or another, I have stayed \u201cwoke\u201d in regards to all forms of oppression and social injustices; in my personal life, my professional life, and society generally; as if I have been primed for them. I am unsure whether it was enrolling in a Gender and Development course for a year during my undergrad studies that deepened this social-consciousness or whether I had already started becoming more sensitive to them by mere observation, but it seems that every day something new, different, and often worrisome arises and I just can\u2019t look away.<\/p>\n
It may seem the steam that erupted during the Otiko Djaba brouhaha might have settled, but that is only because \u201cthose of us who really care,\u201d do not have as much power and influence like she does. While the controversies centered around Otiko and her current role as protector of the feminine realm in the country, it also exposed our society in very unsettling ways.<\/p>\n
This past week, in particular, I have heard and read many cases of child sexual abuse, which has triggered, on my part, a very critical reflection into our cultural setting to identify other ways to steer the discussion on sexual harassment and child sexual abuse. I have noticed and mentally\u00a0catalogued, over the years, the various disturbing ways in which grown men address not only adult women but teenage girls and children with terms of paternalistic endearment.<\/p>\n
“My wife….. \u201c<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cEi\u00a0miyere\u00a0kitiwa, (my small wife) how are you? When will you come and cook for me?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cEi\u00a0my wife, I’ll marry you ok.”<\/em><\/p>\n Here, methinks, is a prime example of unassuming, subtle everyday-sexism mining its heels deeper and deeper into our collective subconscious. With every saying of \u201cmy wife\u201d, there\u2019s not only a reinforced gender stereotype in our cultural\u00a0lexicon,\u00a0but also, a \u00a0perpetuation of a culture of polygamy, patriarchy and \u2018chattelisation\u2019 of women as items and objects, that a man can just have at his beck and call. This goes to influence a woman’s sub-consciousness that it is OK to be a little wife, a second wife or the side Chic when the big madam is indisposed.<\/p>\n A very mundane picture in our society is being painted here. The sexualization of girls from a very early stage is one cancer we cannot afford to miss. This statement is also one we\u2019ve heard come from our uncles, family friends,\u00a0neighbours, etc. It is\u00a0for\u00a0this simple fact that statistics show that majority of rape victims actually know their rapists on a personal level.<\/p>\n It starts as simple \u201cflattery,\u201d or \u201ccompliments,\u201d as I suppose these patronizing monikers would seek to achieve but really what it does is give a\u00a0false sense of intimacy<\/strong>\u00a0to relationships that are in truth built on nothing more than mere cordiality. And because it is largely overlooked by even parents, the perpetrators are able to get away with it because obviously, they are people \u201cwe trust.\u201d<\/p>\n We might have all heard this statement in some variation before.\u00a0Adults who should know better, shamelessly say it to freshly born babies. They say it to toddlers. They say it to teens. They say it to adult girls.<\/p>\n Now here are a few things to note:<\/p>\n Please, men, listen up. Erect a thick wall of boundary that reaches to the highest heavens when it comes to girls. Don’t admire, don’t flatter, don’t propose marriage. Let teenagers\u00a0remain\u00a0teenagers and children, children. Keep your\u00a0favours\u00a0and endearments to yourself.<\/p>\n If the only thing you have to say to a little girl is ‘my wife’; then you should give yourself a befitting hard knock on the head and STOP, because it is no endearment. It is totally INAPPROPRIATE.<\/p>\n Also, young girls are not your playmates.\u00a0Desist from sending little girls and boys on errands; you were blessed with legs too. Truth is, people notice these things and more often will not complain openly or call you out until something terrible happens to that child.<\/p>\n If the child goes missing, they will mention you. If the child gets raped, they will point fingers at you.<\/p>\n Why? Because you chose to treat the child like an adult and made marriage proposals to little girls in\u00a0jest,\u00a0while sending them on errands as if they were born to serve you.<\/p>\n Many dangerous people are clad as family and friends. The perverts are not strangers. Even our sons and baby boys are not spared. Some of these pedophiles are also females. There\u2019s no gainsaying that evil in itself has no gender!<\/p>\n Parents, please pay attention to your daughters (and sons); listen to them. Don’t beat them into silence. DON\u2019T BLAME THEM. Listen. Believe the child. He\/She may only reach out once.<\/p>\n Also, pay attention to the people they get close to. Rape and child abuse did not die yesterday – it will be here with us till the conversion of the Jews.<\/p>\n Don’t make a sexually abused child lie in the name of \u201cprotecting the family” or your marriage. Cowardice at this time is not an option! Get justice for that child. Let the child trust you; let them know you are here to protect them and not blame them. Name and shame the abuser. Let the laws deal with him\/her.<\/p>\n If you see or notice something odd, don\u2019t look away. SPEAK UP! You have chosen the side of the oppressor (abuser) when you say nothing.\u00a0Sweeping sexual abuse under the carpet won’t make it stop. Neither will it make us nor our kids safe. Break the culture of silence.<\/p>\n Talking to your kids about child sexual abuse isn’t scary.\u00a0NOT TALKING IS!<\/p>\n Empower your child to identify\/recognize what an inappropriate “touch” or compliment is and to boldly say NO! Teach them to SPEAK UP!!!<\/p>\n It is an easier task to build a strong child than to fix a broken adult.<\/p>\n Stay \u201cWoke\u201d<\/p>\n