Most of us have read enough and been through enough to\u00a0know\u00a0the signs to look out for that indicate a relationship\u2019s gone toxic. We\u00a0pretty instinctively recognize a\u00a0dating red flag\u00a0when it pops up on the first meeting with someone, and consciously try to avoid the codependency that comes with\u00a0losing our identity to our partner.<\/p>\n
But how do we know if our relationship is, well, just\u00a0actually working?<\/em>\u00a0They say when you know, you know \u2013 but sometimes it\u2019s nice to have reassurance you\u2019re on the right track.<\/p>\n Read on for 11 signs you\u2019re actually in a really healthy adult\u00a0relationship \u2014\u00a0and some tips on how to keep it that way\u2026<\/p>\n 1. You like doing things together<\/strong><\/p>\n This might seem obvious, but if you\u2019re in a relationship with someone, you should actually enjoy being with each other. You don\u2019t have to like all the same things, but having shared interests is essential. Whether it\u2019s watching sports, hiking, or just sitting next to each other reading quietly, you genuinely like hanging out together.<\/p>\n 2. You can relax with each other<\/strong><\/p>\n You don\u2019t have to let it all hang out all the time, never dressing up or trying to make a good impression, but you\u2019re not always on your best behavior either, constantly trying to look perfect and say the right thing, all the while wondering if your partner is silently judging you. You\u2019re secure enough to be yourself, and you know your S.O. loves you just as you are.<\/p>\n 3.\u00a0You know how to fight fair<\/strong><\/p>\n Fights are part of any healthy relationship; the key is knowing\u00a0how<\/em>\u00a0to fight.\u00a0The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work<\/em>\u00a0author, Dr. John Gottman\u00a0says it\u2019s all about how you approach those inevitable conflicts when they arise.<\/p>\n According to Gottman, the first three minutes of a fight are crucial, as they set the tone for how the rest of the discussion will go, and should ideally be\u00a0a\u00a0\u2018soft startup,\u2019 which means you don\u2019t begin an argument by attacking your partner.<\/p>\n Fighting can feel upsetting and awful, but if you and your partner are able to have constructive arguments that end with both of you feeling heard and loved, you\u2019re doing great. And wouldn\u2019t it be sad if neither of you cared enough to fight about anything, ever?<\/p>\n 4. You both admit when you\u2019re wrong \u2014\u00a0and say you\u2019re sorry<\/strong><\/p>\n Love definitely\u00a0does<\/em>\u00a0mean having to say\u00a0you\u2019re sorry.\u00a0Part of knowing how to fight is being able to admit when\u00a0you screwed up \u2014\u00a0and apologize for it.<\/p>\n After\u00a0a fight, both partners should be willing to own up and accept their share of responsibility for what happened. It shouldn\u2019t always be the same\u00a0person apologizing. No one is right\u00a0all<\/em>\u00a0the time, or wrong all the time. (Besides,\u00a0most of the time fights aren\u2019t about right or wrong anyway.)<\/p>\n Couples who aren\u2019t afraid to say, \u201cI messed up, and I\u2019m sorry\u201d after the dust has settled on an argument are doing something right.<\/p>\n 5. Three words: lots\u00a0of sex<\/strong><\/p>\n Let\u2019s just admit it: if you\u2019re not doing it, it\u2019s not working. And if it\u2019s not good, why bother? Therapist and author of\u00a0The Sex-Starved Marriage<\/em>, Michele Weiner-Davis,\u00a0says good sex \u201coffers couples opportunities to give and receive physical pleasure, to connect emotionally and spiritually. It builds closeness, intimacy and a sense of partnership. It defines their relationship as different from all others. In short, sex is a powerful tie that binds.\u201d<\/p>\n The definition of \u2018lots\u2019 will vary from couple to couple, but here\u2019s something to keep in mind: therapists define a sexless marriage as one in which couples have sex less than 10 times a year, which is slightly less than once a month.<\/p>\n 6. You celebrate each other\u2019s successes<\/strong><\/p>\n Sure, you\u2019re there for each other when things go wrong \u2014\u00a0but how do you respond when things are going great for your partner? Experts say\u00a0that\u2019s often\u00a0more important<\/em>\u00a0to a relationship.<\/p>\n UC Santa Barbara associate professor of psychology, Dr. Shelly Gable conducted an experiment in which she asked couples to talk\u00a0about negative and positive things that had happened to them recently, then categorized their partner\u2019s response on a scale of most destructive to most helpful. Gable found praise for positive things made the most impact on people, even more than sympathy for sad stuff. The worst reaction was passivity, no matter what people were responding to.<\/p>\n Being happy and enthusiastic about your partner\u2019s success is a recipe for a healthy, happy relationship.<\/p>\n 7. You laugh together<\/strong><\/p>\n Have you ever fallen in love with someone who didn\u2019t make you laugh? Nope? There\u2019s a reason for that.\u00a0Getting each other\u2019s sense of humor, cracking each other up, being playful together \u2014\u00a0all these things are clues that your relationship is firing on all cylinders. Plus, having a sense of humor makes life a lot more fun, and sharing it with\u00a0your partner is key.<\/p>\n When the laughter starts to die out of your relationship, it\u2019s a surefire sign the spark has faded.<\/p>\n 8. You can have comfortable silences<\/strong><\/p>\n When you can be quiet together and neither of you is simmering with resentment or desperately wondering how to break the silence, it\u2019s a beautiful thing.<\/p>\n You don\u2019t have to talk\u00a0all the time<\/em>\u00a0when you\u2019re in a healthy relationship. You can let conversation ebb and flow, work or read side by side comfortably, and not get scared that something is wrong.<\/p>\n 9. You spend time apart and are really okay with it<\/strong><\/p>\n In a healthy relationship, both partners have their own interests and strong independent friendships outside the relationship. You\u2019re not attached at the hip, going everywhere together and replacing all of each others\u2019 friends.\u00a0You don\u2019t even have to live together.<\/p>\n Out of sight isn\u2019t out of mind, necessarily \u2014\u00a0or at least, not for long. Rather, a little bit of absence really can make the heart go fonder. Plus, when you come back together again, you\u2019ll have more to talk about (see #11, below).<\/p>\n 10. You\u2019re not worried about the future<\/strong><\/p>\n We\u2019ve all had those relationships where we\u2019re constantly trying to figure out where we stand and where the relationship is\u00a0headed. But in a healthy relationship, you\u2019re not always wondering what\u2019s coming next.<\/p>\n That doesn\u2019t mean you never think about the future, but you\u2019re content to be in the moment, not worrying\u00a0whether you should break up with your partner or whether you\u2019re\u00a0meant to be together forever.<\/p>\n 11. And you can still surprise each other<\/strong><\/p>\n Relationships can get boring after a while if you don\u2019t continue to actively work on them; you\u2019ve heard all each other\u2019s stories 37 times before, know what your S.O. likes to do on a Friday night after work, can reliably get each other off in bed\u00a0and still squeeze in a chapter of your book before you go to sleep.<\/p>\n But the best relationships still have that element of surprise, and that keeps things interesting.<\/p>\n Psychologist and marriage counselor Esther Perel says\u00a0introducing new and unexpected elements into your relationship\u00a0not only infuses it with passion but also triggers the same rush of feelings you had when you were first falling in love, which is why that \u2018in love\u2019 feeling never completely goes away in the healthiest relationships.<\/p>\n –<\/p>\n Source: Your Tango<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Most of us have read enough and been through enough to\u00a0know\u00a0the signs to look out for that indicate a relationship\u2019s gone toxic. We\u00a0pretty instinctively recognize a\u00a0dating red flag\u00a0when it pops up on the first meeting with someone, and consciously try to avoid the codependency that comes with\u00a0losing our identity to our partner. But how do […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":79188,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[354],"tags":[3],"yoast_head":"\n