We\u2019ve all been through it before. Your partner asks you what\u2019s wrong, and you say, \u201cnothing\u201d and give them attitude for the next hour.<\/p>\n
You try to let it go, but after time passes, he says something, and you somehow contort it into a conversation about why you\u2019re actually pissed off<\/p>\n
We can turn almost any conversation into the one we want to have. How do we do this? By these dreaded lines: \u201cI just think it\u2019s funny how\u2026\u201d or \u201cIsn\u2019t it interesting how\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
I know I\u2019ve done this before. I\u2019m upset, and I don\u2019t want to say why, so I lead my boyfriend on a wild goose chase to figure it out. Why? Well, because in my opinion, he should already know what he\u2019s done wrong.<\/p>\n
However, instead of telling them why you\u2019re upset, your get super defensive.<\/p>\n
The problem isn\u2019t that we are passive-aggressive or cop an attitude. The problem is that we have been socialized to not speak up and say what\u2019s on our minds. We don\u2019t want to cause conflict, but we still want to be heard.<\/p>\n
We say, \u201cI\u2019m fine.\u201d We want it to be known that our feelings have been hurt without giving up the small amount of power we have in hetero-relationships.<\/p>\n
The reason is clear: patriarchy. We have been trained to believe that we \u201cshouldn\u2019t\u201d be upset or that our feelings won\u2019t be validated because \u201cwomen are hormonal, crazy bitches.\u201d We\u2019re all young and stupid, and we have hang ups over silly things.<\/p>\n
Men can be just as petty, insecure and sensitive to what their partner does. Somehow, though, they are seen as \u201cstrong and protective\u201d rather than \u201cpsycho and emotional.\u201d Double standard? I think so. Ladies, you need to remember that your feelings are always valid. I\u2019m sick and tired of watching TV shows or stand-up comedians talk about \u201cthe old ball and chain\u201d and how \u201csensitive\u201d women are.<\/p>\n
Being sensitive is not a negative trait but has somehow been confused with \u201cweak,\u201d which is why men hate being associated with the term. So, speak up. I\u2019m learning to, and it\u2019s been quite the process.<\/p>\n
It feels awkward at first, but then it feels surprisingly really empowering to take control of the situation rather than just passively react to it. Don\u2019t feel like you\u2019re being too sensitive or petty because you\u2019re hurt by something your man did. You matter.<\/p>\n
No one wants to admit it, but by saying, \u201cYou hurt me,\u201d you\u2019re really saying, \u201cI gave you the power to hurt me, and you let me down.\u201d When you care about someone, you are bound to get hurt sometimes.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, you had lunch with her? Whatever, sleep with her for all I care.\u201d We both know that\u2019s not true, and we all know you actually do care. It\u2019s not our fault that our importance or feelings have been minimized or walked over.<\/p>\n
It makes it difficult for us to be vulnerable with people, but playing games or being passive doesn\u2019t help the situation at all. \u201cI just think it\u2019s funny how you\u2019re so busy, yet you somehow have the time to have lunch with her.\u201d You don\u2019t need to \u201cHoudini\u201d the conversation to be heard; just be honest.<\/p>\n
Have a constructive conversation. You are a strong, beautiful woman who any man (or woman) would be lucky to have, and don\u2019t ever feel like your feelings don\u2019t matter. By bottling up your anger or sadness, it starts to come out in unhelpful ways, like passive-aggressive jabs and sarcastic comments.<\/p>\n
There is no way to move forward in a relationship or work on things that you may be unhappy with unless there are open channels of communication. If you are honest with them and they still don\u2019t see your perspective or minimize how you feel or even make you feel stupid for feeling the way you do, then dump their ass and find someone who values you and your feelings.<\/p>\n
And remember, don\u2019t ever confuse vulnerability for weakness. It\u2019s an incredible sign of strength to open yourself up to another person knowing you might get hurt. It\u2019s courageous and admirable.<\/p>\n
–<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
We\u2019ve all been through it before. Your partner asks you what\u2019s wrong, and you say, \u201cnothing\u201d and give them attitude for the next hour. You try to let it go, but after time passes, he says something, and you somehow contort it into a conversation about why you\u2019re actually pissed off We can turn almost […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[354],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n