If you\u2019ve never been involved with a\u00a0cunning, pathological lying, narcissistic, abusive partner,\u00a0you may not know what you\u2019re dealing with.<\/p>\n
When you date an abusive personality, you may\u00a0buy into his charm, braggadocio and phony fa\u00e7ade\u00a0while downplaying his inconsiderate and questionable behavior.\u00a0Or you\u00a0mistrust your instincts that your boyfriend or husband\u00a0is lying to you, demeaning and controlling you. Worse yet, you may think you are overreacting and crazy \u2014 as he claims you are.<\/p>\n
NOTE:\u00a0<\/strong>You can be in an emotionally abusive relationship with\u00a0a boyfriend or girlfriend,\u00a0husband or wife,\u00a0male or female friend,\u00a0family member,\u00a0boss or co-worker.<\/p>\n An abuser\u2019s goal is to affect and control the emotions, objective reasoning and the behavior of his victim. Covert abuse is disguised by actions that appear normal, but it is clearly insidious and underhanded.<\/p>\n The abuser methodically chips away at your confidence, perception and self-worth with his subtle hints, unnecessary lying, blaming, accusing and denial.<\/p>\n The abuser\u00a0fosters an atmosphere of fear, intimidation, instability and unpredictability. He\u00a0steadily pushes\u00a0you to the edge with his deception, sarcasm\u00a0and battering until\u00a0you erupt in anger and then\u00a0you become the \u201cbad guy\u201d giving him the ammunition he needs\u00a0to\u00a0justify\u00a0his hurtful actions.<\/p>\n If you are experiencing any of the following things, you’re\u00a0in an emotionally abusive relationship:\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n Accusing and blaming<\/strong>:\u00a0He shifts the responsibility and the emphasis onto you for the problems in your relationship.\u00a0He says things,\u00a0like: \u201cIt\u2019s your fault.\u201d What\u2019s wrong with you?\u201d “You didn\u2019t remind me.\u201d \u201cNothing I do is ever enough.\u201d<\/p>\n Punishment by withholding:<\/strong>\u00a0He refuses to listen, he ignores your questions, he withholds eye contact\u00a0and he gives you the \u201csilent treatment.\u201d\u00a0He’s\u00a0punishing you! He may refuse to give you information about where he is going, when he is coming back, about financial resources and bill payments. He withholds approval, appreciation, affection, information, thoughts and feelings to diminish and control you.<\/p>\n Blocking and diverting:<\/strong>\u00a0He steers\u00a0the conversation by\u00a0refusing\u00a0to discuss an issue or\u00a0he\u00a0inappropriately interrupts the conversation. He twists your words, he watches TV, or he walks out of the room while you’re\u00a0talking. He criticizes you\u00a0in a way that causes you to defend\u00a0yourself and lose\u00a0sight of the original conversation.<\/p>\n Contradicting:<\/strong>\u00a0He disapproves and\u00a0opposes\u00a0your thoughts, perceptions\u00a0or your experience of life itself. No matter what you\u00a0say,\u00a0he uses contradicting arguments to frustrate you and\u00a0wear you\u00a0down. If you say, \u201cIt\u2019s a beautiful day,\u201d he\u2019ll say, \u201cWhat\u2019s great about it, the weather\u2019s crappy.\u201d If you say you like sushi, he\u2019ll say, \u201cAre you kidding, it’ll\u00a0give you parasites.\u201d<\/p>\n Discounting:\u00a0<\/strong>He denies your experience of his abuse. He tells you that you\u2019re hypersensitive or that you\u2019re imagining things or that you can never be happy. He\u00a0disfigures\u00a0the truth, causing\u00a0you to mistrust your perception and the reality of his abuse.<\/p>\n Disparaging humor:<\/strong>\u00a0Verbal abuse is often disguised as jokes. The abuser teases, ridicules and humiliates you with sarcastic remarks about your appearance, personality, abilities and values. He makes fun of you in front of your friends and family because he knows you will avoid a public confrontation.\u00a0If you tell him to stop, he tells you that you are too sensitive\u00a0or you can\u2019t take a joke.<\/p>\n General crazy-making:<\/strong>\u00a0He uses a combination of distortion, blaming, forgetting, stonewalling and denial to confuse, frustrate and drive you to the brink\u00a0of insanity. He denies the truth and twists your words, putting you on the defense. He wants you to second guess yourself, doubt your reality and your ability to reason.<\/p>\n Judging and criticizing:<\/strong>\u00a0He harshly and unfairly criticizes you and then he passes it off as \u201cconstructive\u201d criticism. If you object,\u00a0he tells you he is only trying to help in an effort to make you\u00a0feel unreasonable and\u00a0guilty.<\/p>\n Undermining:<\/strong>\u00a0He breaks his promises and he fails to follow through on agreements. He minimizes your efforts, interests, hobbies, achievements and concerns. He trivializes your thoughts and suggestions.\u00a0If you suggest a restaurant or a vacation destination, he says, \u201cThe food is awful at that place!\u201d and \u201cWhy would you want to go to Florida; it\u2019s nothing but a tourist trap!\u201d<\/p>\n Forgetting:<\/strong>\u00a0He “accidently” \u00a0forgets the things that are important to you. He forgets to pick up the dry cleaning, to make a household repair or buy tickets to the movies. By doing this, he’s saying, \u201cI\u2019m in control of your time and reality.”<\/p>\n Abusive behavior is not always verbal.\u00a0Your partner may use body language\u00a0or gestures to control and diminish you. For example:<\/p>\n Now that you know the conniving,\u00a0covert signs of emotional abuse, what are you going to about it?<\/p>\n –<\/p>\n Source: Your Tango<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" If you\u2019ve never been involved with a\u00a0cunning, pathological lying, narcissistic, abusive partner,\u00a0you may not know what you\u2019re dealing with. When you date an abusive personality, you may\u00a0buy into his charm, braggadocio and phony fa\u00e7ade\u00a0while downplaying his inconsiderate and questionable behavior.\u00a0Or you\u00a0mistrust your instincts that your boyfriend or husband\u00a0is lying to you, demeaning and controlling you. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":94418,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[354],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n\n