{"id":258801,"date":"2016-10-16T15:16:58","date_gmt":"2016-10-16T15:16:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/citifmonline.com\/?p=258801"},"modified":"2016-10-16T15:16:58","modified_gmt":"2016-10-16T15:16:58","slug":"real-romance-its-about-these-little-things","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2016\/10\/real-romance-its-about-these-little-things\/","title":{"rendered":"Real romance – it’s about these little things"},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve been in a committed relationship now for about 20 years and, if you didn\u2019t know us, I\u2019m pretty sure that we wouldn\u2019t look like a particularly romantic couple.<\/p>\n

We don\u2019t go on many date nights, I rarely buy flowers, and I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever intentionally covered anything in our house with rose petals. Nothing about our day-to-day lives exactly screams ‘torrid romance’.<\/p>\n

And, yet, I still consider myself a hopeless romantic. I love my wife desperately. I worry about not showing her enough that I love her all the time. However, my definition of what constitutes ‘romance’ has definitely evolved over the past two decades.<\/p>\n

True romance is all about the small things<\/strong><\/p>\n

I now realise that true romance is all about the small things. The tiny, quiet moments that scream out that you know and love someone down to their core.<\/p>\n

When I was younger, I\u2019ll admit, I was all about the grand sweeping gesture.<\/p>\n

I bought extravagant gifts. I planned secret vacations. I used an old photograph to track down the exact lunchbox that my wife had had when she was in elementary school to give her as a Christmas present one year. In terms of big, showy signs of romance, I thought I was hot stuff.<\/p>\n

As I got older, though, I started to realise that many of my grand gestures were more about making me feel like a hero than about giving my wife what she actually wanted.<\/p>\n

For example, one year, my wife had mentioned that she really wanted a new desk (she\u2019s a writer). So, to surprise her, I went out and found an antique desk that I thought was just PERFECT. I presented her with my oh-so-thoughtful gift, and she was extremely grateful. But, over the next few weeks, I noticed that something was off.<\/p>\n

She wasn\u2019t using the desk very much, and she seemed uncomfortable when she did use it. When I finally confronted her about it, she reluctantly admitted that it wasn\u2019t the kind of desk she would\u2019ve picked out for herself. The size was wrong, it didn\u2019t really fit her laptop. She loved that I had surprised her, but, ultimately, she would\u2019ve preferred to pick out her own desk.<\/p>\n

But that doesn\u2019t sound as sexy and romantic, does it? Going out to shop around for desks together?<\/p>\n

The thing is – that\u2019s what my wife actually wanted. She wanted to pick out her own desk, so who cares if I get the thrill of being the person who surprised her? It\u2019s supposed to be about her, right?<\/p>\n

Over time, I started noticing that some of my other ‘thoughtful’ gifts were falling into similar categories. I kept buying her rare books from her favourite authors until she finally admitted that she had enough books and she was too nervous to actually handle and read the first editions I was buying her. It wasn\u2019t just that I wasn\u2019t being practical – I wasn\u2019t thinking about things from her perspective.<\/p>\n

I was making a show out of what I thought she wanted, rather than actually listening and figuring out what she really wanted.<\/p>\n

This is what our romance looks like now: It\u2019s small and it\u2019s mundane and it means EVERYTHING<\/p>\n

No, I wasn\u2019t as bad as Christian Grey (so I hear) selling his girlfriend\u2019s car and buying her a new one without asking. I\u2019m not a psycho.<\/p>\n

But my wife didn\u2019t want me to book a couple\u2019s spa weekend. She wanted to fall asleep on my lap while watching dumb TV.<\/p>\n

She didn\u2019t want me to re-decorate the kitchen while she was away on a work trip. She wanted to be part of the decision-making with me, picking out paint together and having her opinions heard by me.<\/p>\n

Thoughtfulness<\/strong><\/p>\n

I found myself buying her fewer unique knick-knacks and pieces of jewellery (which she rarely wore) and buying more practical things instead. And, while buying your wife a new skillet might sound like something a neglectful husband does in the first act of a romantic comedy, if you\u2019ve watched your wife curse your old one for months while making quesadillas and you know that this one simple thing will make her life SO much easier – isn\u2019t that more romantic than a diamond ring?<\/p>\n

Maybe not for some people, but it is for us.<\/p>\n

I now realise that my wife doesn\u2019t want bombast, she wants thoughtfulness. She wants me to load the dishwasher after she goes to bed, she wants me to say I\u2019ll clean out the garage and actually follow through with it.<\/p>\n

She wants me to show her that I love and appreciate her by walking the walk and doing the work, rather than hiding behind a price tag or a clich\u00e9d gift.<\/p>\n

It makes buying birthday and anniversary presents a lot harder – grandiose gestures are easy … insightful empathy is hard – but my tiny acts of affection are far more meaningful in the long run.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s what our romance looks like now. It\u2019s small and it\u2019s mundane and it means EVERYTHING … and it took me far too long to realise that.<\/p>\n

–<\/p>\n

Source: All4women<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve been in a committed relationship now for about 20 years and, if you didn\u2019t know us, I\u2019m pretty sure that we wouldn\u2019t look like a particularly romantic couple. We don\u2019t go on many date nights, I rarely buy flowers, and I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever intentionally covered anything in our house with rose petals. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":258803,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[354],"tags":[12727],"yoast_head":"\nReal romance - it's about these little things - Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. 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