Has this ever happened to you? You send a message to a young lady you came across on Facebook. You do so because she has caught your eye. She seems like a cool person to know. Of course, you have no clue what her situation is and you want to find out. You say hello to her respectfully through messenger.<\/p>\n
She reads the message and ignores you. She leaves you hanging and may respond days later or not respond at all. Sometimes the response leaves you scratching your head.<\/p>\n
There was a time I sent a message to a young lady on Facebook. She was the sister of one of my school mates from Secondary school back in Ghana. I had lost touch with him and a search came up with his sister\u2019s Facebook page. I said hello and started formulating my message to introduce myself and why I reached out. Before I could hit send; a message comes through from her.<\/p>\n
\u201cSorry, I have a boyfriend.\u201d<\/p>\n
When I said hello to you on Facebook, I was not looking for the recipe for palava sauce. You knew immediately that I was interested in you. You are smart enough to realize that. You already know that very few men approach a strange lady wanting to be \u201cjust friends.\u201d So you and I both know my \u201chello\u201d means that I may be interested in you.\u00a0 I did approach you respectfully. My message to you was decent. I did not harass you. I just wanted to find out what your situation was.<\/p>\n
The moment you realized I was interested in you, you changed your name from Nana Akua to Nicki Minaj.<\/p>\n
I get it, I am a stranger. You have boundaries and I respect that. You need boundaries on social media so I can\u2019t be mad at your rules. You can\u2019t just let everyone in; you can\u2019t respond to every single message and accept every friend request. You have to be selective and discreet in your choices. I get all that.<\/p>\n
What I do not get is why some of you develop a diva complex when a respectful stranger expresses interest in you.<\/p>\n
You are a product of strangers. Your dad was once a stranger to your mum. You are in existence today because your mum allowed a stranger into her life. She made room for a stranger.<\/p>\n
If your mum had ignored your dad simply because he was a stranger, you probably will not look as beautiful as you look today.<\/p>\n
Your dad\u2019s genetics makes up the majority of your being.\u00a0Your best friends were once strangers to you.<\/p>\n
Your neighbors were once strangers to you. Your priest was once a stranger to you. Your favorite professors or teachers were once strangers to you. Jesus was once a stranger to his disciplines.<\/p>\n
Freaking Romeo was once a stranger to Juliet!<\/p>\n
My Sisters, allow me to set the stage and the dynamics of what led me, a Stranger, to you.\u00a0 You must know that dating is a numbers game especially when you live abroad. I live in Boise, Idaho.<\/p>\n
There is no way I am going to walk into\u00a0Walmart and run into eligible Ghanaian ladies in every aisle. If I was in Accra, the situation would be different. However, fate has brought me here.\u00a0 A good majority of us do not have a pool of potential mates we already know through friends and family.<\/p>\n
We have no choice but to turn into strangers looking for love. We are not stalkers or perverts. At least not all of us are I should say. We are grateful for social media. It is another avenue to look for potential mates from all over the country.<\/p>\n
So we get on social media and we are once again reminded of a reality we know too well.\u00a0 You, my sisters, hold all the cards on the dating scene online too. Very few of you become the stranger who has to say hello to a guy first.<\/p>\n
Some of you develop a diva complex and put on the \u201cI can\u2019t be bothered\u201d attitude when that message comes through. You are too important to respond to a guy who approaches you respectfully. The diva complex you developed may be a result of your lack of\u00a0interest in the guy. Guess what, we are okay with that. Rejection is part of the game and we get it.<\/p>\n
Your relationship status is not on social media and we can\u2019t tell from your pictures if you are single or taken. Your relationship status is not tattooed on your forehead for all to see. We have developed an interest in you and want to get to know you better and see where the relationship goes. So we get into our vulnerability zone and say hello. It is not cool to ignore a guy who approaches you in a respectful way. There are a lot of \u201cf#%k boys\u201d out there.\u00a0 They approach you like this.<\/p>\n
\u201cHey baby, that ass is looking mighty tight and fine in that dress. Damn!\u201d<\/p>\n
By all means, go ahead and ignore anyone who comes at you in this disrespectful manner.\u00a0 He is an idiot and disrespectful.<\/p>\n
If a guy approaches you nicely, be nice back. If he treats you like a Queen, treat him like a King back.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t grow diva horns and ignore us simply because you are feeling mighty due to my interest in you.\u00a0 It\u2019s okay to say hello back and ask me what my interest in wanting to know you is. That question is totally legitimate given the fact that I am a stranger.<\/p>\n
It is okay to say to me nicely that you are not interested. We get that too and we will move on. If a brother is still pushing the\u00a0issue after you tell him nicely that you are not interested, you have our permission to block his ass.<\/p>\n
I know this situation is tough for you. Sometimes it\u2019s a lose-lose situation. If you are too nice, a guy may misinterpret your kindness to mean interest. If you ignore a guy, he may call you \u201cstuck up.\u201d You deserve respect and we men have to give you that without any conditions. You are someone\u2019s mother, sister or daughter.<\/p>\n
If you politely reject advances from men, you should not face ridicule and insults. You have every right to ignore the \u201cboys\u201d who approach you with sexist compliments and disrespectful comments. You have every right to ignore the \u201cboys\u201d who can\u2019t take no for an answer.<\/p>\n
However, if we approach you politely and respectfully, it is courteous to respond. We know you do not always welcome the unwanted attention and unsolicited messages. Sometimes you expect us to read in between the lines based on how much attention you pay to us. If it is very little, you expect us to exit left. Most of the time, it is best to be straightforward with a guy who approaches you with respect.<\/p>\n
Here is an example of what you want to say to a guy who approaches you respectfully,<\/p>\n
\u201cI understand that you are interested in me and I am appreciative of your interest. However, I do not hold the same interest. I want to be respectful of your time and efforts. I do not want you to waste your time and effort on me.\u201d<\/p>\n
It is a tough message for a guy who is interested in you but it\u2019s better than ignoring him.<\/p>\n
On the topic of\u00a0friend requests, you decide who you want to make room for. Just know that strangers every now and then will ask permission for some room in your life. You do not necessarily have to know a person always before you accept his request. It\u2019s your call.<\/p>\n
Below is a quote I found while researching finding love online.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou can\u2019t meet somebody using social networking unless you accept friend requests from people you don\u2019t know,\u201d\u00a0Jeffrey Hall, Kansas University Communications Researcher.<\/em><\/p>\n In conclusion, let me share this story with you. Last year, I attended my friend Kwesi\u2019s wedding and I laughed along with the guests as he and his bride Esi told the crowd the story of how they met. Kwesi did not know Esi but she popped up on his list of people he might know on Facebook. He was in New Jersey and she lived in Atlanta.<\/p>\n \u201cI saw a cute Ghanaian girl and I wanted to add her, I wanted to get to know her,\u201d he told the guests.<\/p>\n Over time, he will like a couple of her pictures but she never liked any of his. When she graduated from college, he saw an opportunity to connect with her. He sent her a long congratulatory message he was sure she will not ignore. She admitted that she had not even checked his page prior to his first message. She responded to his message and before long, their chats turned into phone calls, dates, a long distance relationship and finally a proposal after two years of dating.<\/p>\n \u201cI do not know where I would have been today had I not accepted his friend request,\u201d Esi told the guests. \u201cWhat would have happened if I had ignored his message? I would have missed the love of my life.\u201d<\/p>\n Hey, after reading this piece, go check your friend requests. I may be languishing in there<\/p>\n –<\/p>\n By: Kwadjo Panyin\/musingsofanafricanbachelor.com<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Has this ever happened to you? You send a message to a young lady you came across on Facebook. You do so because she has caught your eye. She seems like a cool person to know. Of course, you have no clue what her situation is and you want to find out. You say hello […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":233481,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[374,354],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n