{"id":192213,"date":"2016-02-22T10:13:38","date_gmt":"2016-02-22T10:13:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/4cd.e16.myftpupload.com\/?p=192213"},"modified":"2016-02-22T10:13:38","modified_gmt":"2016-02-22T10:13:38","slug":"the-50-things-you-need-to-do-for-a-relationship-to-last","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2016\/02\/the-50-things-you-need-to-do-for-a-relationship-to-last\/","title":{"rendered":"The 50 things you need to do for a relationship to last"},"content":{"rendered":"
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  1. Burn your blueprint.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Rid yourself of whatever fantasies you harbor about the bliss of coupled life. They\u2019re not helping. There is no script, so don\u2019t be disappointed when your fairytale gets hijacked.<\/p>\n

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    1. Forgive.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      Didn\u2019t Jesus say something about forgiving someone not just seven times but seventy times seven? That would be 490 times\u2026.which should last you through your first 6 months. Jesus underestimated because, remember, he wasn\u2019t married.<\/p>\n

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      1. And forget.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        If you forgive but don\u2019t forget, did you really forgive? I know people who claim to have forgiven but still use every available opportunity to bring it up. And if you don\u2019t want to forgive, forgetting works just as well.<\/p>\n

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        1. Be a good teammate.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

          Life can come at you hard. One of the nice things about marriage and relationships is being able to have someone else in the bunker when you\u2019re getting shelled.<\/p>\n

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          1. Grow.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

            If you still have the same desires, opinions and beliefs at age 50 that you did at age 25, that\u2019s your own damn fault. You will not, and should not, be the same person you were then.<\/p>\n

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            1. And adapt.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

              Even if you stagnate, the person you\u2019re in a relationship with will change. Don\u2019t fight it. Embrace it, learn from it, be thankful for it.<\/p>\n

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              1. Find your faith.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                There is great comfort in believing in something or someone beyond our crude human existence. Explore this belief. Take this journey together.<\/p>\n

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                1. Travel together.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                  Travel forces couples to rely on one another in unpredictable ways. It will also broaden your worldview and the way you value your relationship.<\/p>\n

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                  1. Travel separately.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                    I want to go to Australia and you want to go to Maine? Cool. Take lots of pictures. See you in a week.<\/p>\n

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                    1. Develop your own interests.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                      It seems counter-intuitive, but you will enhance your relationship when you pursue your separate interests.<\/p>\n

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                      1. Cultivate a wide, diverse circle of friends.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                        One of the greatest joys of living is meeting new people. And many of the people you meet will likely make you appreciate your mate even more.<\/p>\n

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                        1. Don\u2019t keep score.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                          I know a couple who keeps track of the number of times each partner completes a household chore. Don\u2019t do this. It\u2019s exhausting. And childish.<\/p>\n

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                          1. Exercise.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                            You owe it to each other to be in the best physical health possible. The mental side effects from exercise will also be beneficial.<\/p>\n

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                            1. Practice self-awareness.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                              Take frequent looks in the mirror. Reflect on who you are and the contributions you are making to your relationship. Are you being judgmental? Unfair? Harsh? Hypercritical? Defensive?<\/p>\n

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                              1. Admit that you\u2019re wrong (even, on occasion, when you aren\u2019t).<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                This is both the easiest and hardest thing to do on this list. But this simple gesture will pay immeasurable dividends; it will help you grow and it\u2019s just the right thing to do.<\/p>\n

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                                1. Celebrate accomplishments big and small.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                  Whether it\u2019s a promotion at work or the police officer let you off with just a warning, find every occasion possible to toast your good fortune.<\/p>\n

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                                  1. Surprise one another.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                    Fill up her car. Let him sleep alone in the bed once in a while. Buy some bacon.<\/p>\n

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                                    1. It\u2019s the good little things.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                      Holding the door, suggesting a movie night, paying attention. The reward for these is greater than the sum of the parts.<\/p>\n

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                                      1. And it\u2019s the bad little things.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                        Cracking your knuckles, spitting, clearing your throat, picking your nose, chewing ice. These are death by a thousand cuts to your relationship.<\/p>\n

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                                        1. Cultivate your finer qualities.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                          When do you ever have an opportunity to really work on qualities that make you a better person? In a strong relationship, you can do it every single day. Qualities like patience, loyalty, compassion, trust.<\/p>\n

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                                          1. The bathroom is private.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                            If you think it\u2019s quaint to brush your teeth while I use the toilet, you\u2019ll change your mind about that eventually. Trust me.<\/p>\n

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                                            1. Talk about sex (but not just right before, during, or right after).<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                              Sex is an important part of any relationship. But for some reason couples don\u2019t want to discuss it unless they are in the throes of passion. Don\u2019t make sex a taboo subject.<\/p>\n

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                                              1. Encourage each other.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                We all have insecurities. Your relationship is one place where you should be completely free to reveal these and your spouse should help you overcome them.<\/p>\n

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                                                1. It\u2019s okay to have secrets.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                  Even\u00a0George Bailey\u00a0slipped Violet Bick a $20 bill every now and then.<\/p>\n

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                                                  1. Avoid subtext.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                    This is a cowardly way to communicate. If you have something to say, say it. Don\u2019t hint about it.<\/p>\n

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                                                    1. Put it down.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                      The toilet seat. Her cell phone. The beat.<\/p>\n

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                                                      1. Pick it up.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                        Your dirty sock. Your used tissue. The pace.<\/p>\n

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                                                        1. Don\u2019t over-romanticize past (or future) relationships.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                          You weren\u2019t that great and your ex isn\u2019t that hot.<\/p>\n

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                                                          1. Never use the \u201cs\u201d word.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                            Don\u2019t call each other \u201cstupid.\u201d That\u2019s just stu\u2026. not wise.<\/p>\n

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                                                            1. Offer solutions, not criticism.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                              Anyone can criticize. A good teammate (See Rule 4) will offer a way out.<\/p>\n

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                                                              1. Read.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                                To escape or to expand. Either way, it helps.<\/p>\n

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                                                                1. You are equals.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                                  It doesn\u2019t matter which one of you makes the most money. It doesn\u2019t matter which one of you has the better REO Speedwagon vinyl collection. It doesn\u2019t matter which one of you has the best nickname. It doesn\u2019t even matter which one of you has the coolest food allergy.<\/p>\n

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                                                                  1. Compliment each other.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                                    Sincerely and often.<\/p>\n

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                                                                    1. Respect each other\u2019s friends.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                                      You know your wife\u2019s loud mouthed, insane friend Cathy who thinks you have weak bullshit and can\u2019t believe you married her BFF? See below.<\/p>\n

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                                                                      1. Know when to keep your mouth shut.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                                        No list would be complete without the \u201cDo these jeans make my butt look big?\u201d lesson.<\/p>\n

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                                                                        1. Indulge each other\u2019s passions.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                                          Scrapbooking doesn\u2019t count.<\/p>\n

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                                                                          1. Lose your arbitrary moral code.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                                            This list alone proves that I am the king of the double standard. When I want to spend money on a new set of golf clubs, it\u2019s a good investment. When my wife wants to spend money on new kitchen countertops, she\u2019s a profligate. It\u2019s not exactly fair.<\/p>\n

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                                                                            1. Respect space and time.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                                              Have we not evolved as a species or watched enough Dr. Phil to realize our mate does not want to answer the question \u201cHow was your day?\u201d the minute he\/she walks in the door?<\/p>\n

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                                                                              1. Take pride in your appearance.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                                                Your marriage license doesn\u2019t give you a free pass to always wear sweat pants and T-shirts.<\/p>\n

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                                                                                1. Maintain good hygiene.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                                                  Could your big toenail puncture a snow tire? Could your breath peel wallpaper? Take care of that, please. I don\u2019t want to have to tell you again.<\/p>\n

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                                                                                  1. Ask before you throw it away.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                                                    Don\u2019t touch that broken, ceramic, animated cactus tequila shot glass holder. I\u2019m serious.<\/p>\n

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                                                                                    1. Invite his\/her family to special gatherings.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                                                      At least once. Thankfully, this may be all you need.<\/p>\n

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                                                                                      1. Speaking of family, everyone gets a holiday card and a birth announcement.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                                                        Even your creepy Uncle Steve and their psycho cousin Lisa.<\/p>\n

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                                                                                        1. Don\u2019t be petty.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                                                          So I forgot to stop at the store to get your prescription. Did you have to throw away my ceramic cactus shot glass holder?<\/p>\n

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                                                                                          1. Be self-sufficient.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                                                            Learn to do your own laundry. Know how to cook a meal; how to navigate the grocery store; how to make an online purchase; how to turn off the water to the house; how to erect a Nerf basketball hoop; how to unclog a toilet.<\/p>\n

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                                                                                            1. Everything is fair game for a joke.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                                                              This should be at the heart of everything you do. I have not found a single thing that I have been unable to eventually laugh about. If you know this from the beginning, it makes things a lot more fun.<\/p>\n

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                                                                                              1. Have good manners.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                                                                Don\u2019t yell. Open the door. Help carry the groceries. Cover your cough. Hold your gas.<\/p>\n

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                                                                                                1. Be responsible with money.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                                                                  No one lives on love. You need money. If you earned it, you will almost certainly respect it. If you didn\u2019t earn it, you must respect it even more.<\/p>\n

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                                                                                                  1. Remember to say thank you.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                                                                    Even and especially when things don\u2019t seem like they need to be acknowledged.<\/p>\n

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                                                                                                    1. Adapting beats abandoning.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                                                                      There will be moments when you want to quit, walk out, give up. You can do that. But you will probably be doing so without giving due consideration to the new life that awaits you. Will you be better off in six months? 10 years?<\/p>\n

                                                                                                      –<\/p>\n

                                                                                                      Source: Thought Catalogue<\/p>\n

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