1 He only texts you after 1 a.m<\/p>\n
It\u2019s a scientific fact that all booty calls happen after 1 a.m. All those cars you see driving around after 12:59? People out in the streets past 1? They\u2019re all on their way to a booty call.<\/p>\n
2 He gets frustrated when you invite him over to watch a movie and actually just want to watch a movie.<\/p>\n
Most guys would be like, \u201cAlright, cool. If I can\u2019t have sex, I guess actually getting to watch the entirety of The Hunger Games: Catching Fire is a pretty good consolation prize.\u201d But when you swat away his thigh-climbing hand he\u2019s suddenly tired and has to go home.<\/p>\n
3 You never meet his friends<\/p>\n
The less information you have about him, the easier it is for him to ghost you. If you don\u2019t know who he hangs out with, or where he lives, or what his last name is, he can disappear like a phantom into the night. A phantom who banged you a bunch of times and then stopped answering texts, which would make for a shittier Broadway play than the kind of phantom that hangs out in operas. But a phantom nonetheless.<\/p>\n
4 He makes it really hard for you to sleep over<\/p>\n
He never straight-up says you have to leave (That wouldn\u2019t get him a next hookup!) but he always has a \u201cthing\u201d really early the next morning. A \u201cthing with friends\u201d or \u201ca work thing\u201d or \u201csome family thing.\u201d You know families don\u2019t have picnics at 5 a.m. though.<\/p>\n
5 He always hands you everything before you leave<\/p>\n
Did you forget your bra? Some lipstick? Your purse? A single bobby pin? If you never forget anything there, you can never have an excuse to show up when he doesn\u2019t want you to. If you tried to show up unsolicited anyway, you\u2019d probably find the place abandoned and boarded up, and some neighbor would tell you, \u201cWhy, that place has been abandoned for years!\u201d like some episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark.<\/p>\n
6 You\u2019ve never been on a real date.<\/p>\n
Dates are for men who consider themselves boyfriends, not men who consider themselves to bang buddies.<\/p>\n
7 He always insists on splitting the cost of the post-coital pizza you ordered.<\/p>\n
If one of you doesn\u2019t pay for the pizza, it can\u2019t be considered a date. He will follow #6 if it kills him.<\/p>\n
8 He\u2019s \u201cbusy\u201d whenever you text him about something personal or emotional.<\/p>\n
Who has time to pause his game of Madden to talk to you about things like how you feel? If your text about your grandma passing away isn\u2019t attached to a sexy picture, he won\u2019t even bother opening it. Guys who just want you for sex aren\u2019t going to spend time playing the boyfriend.<\/p>\n
9 He always tries to initiate sex when you hang out<\/p>\n
An easy way to tell the difference between guys who like having sex with you a lot and guys who only like having sex with you is this: Think back to a time when the two of you were together but weren\u2019t having sex for more than an hour. If you can\u2019t do that, he only wants you for sex.<\/p>\n
10 The only thing he\u2019s ever bought you that could be considered romantic is a vibrating cock ring.<\/p>\n
He was like, \u201cHey, I have a surprise for you,\u201d and you could hear a faint vibration, and he dropped his pants and honestly expected you to be pumped about it.<\/p>\n
11 Every conversation turns flirty\/sexual<\/p>\n
Every time you talk or text, it immediately turns into a conversation about having sex. He\u2019s stopped even trying to be witty about it. \u201cOh, you\u2019re at the grocery store right now? I sure would like to have sex with you \u2026 at the grocery store ;-)\u201d<\/p>\n
12 He texts you to meet up with a group, but wants to go back to your place\/his place as soon as you get there<\/p>\n
You might think you\u2019re about to meet all of his friends at some bar, but when you get there, he\u2019s already waiting outside with his coat and some condoms.<\/p>\n
13 He only compliments your looks.<\/p>\n
He loves your ass but not your sense of humor. You always look \u201chot\u201d but never \u201cgorgeous.\u201d If his compliments are superficial at best and gross at worst, he\u2019s Just Not That Into You Starring Justin Long and Scarlett Johansson and Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck and That Chick From Once Upon a Time.<\/p>\n
14 When he comes over, he heads straight for the bedroom.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s no loitering in the kitchen or hanging out in the living room with this guy. He has streamlined the process of sex-having by eliminating or minimizing the chitchat or talk about your day. He\u2019s like the Philip Glass of booty calls (that was a joke about the minimalist art movement that someone\u2019s dad will probably find funny).<\/p>\n
–<\/p>\n
Source: Funny Island<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
1 He only texts you after 1 a.m It\u2019s a scientific fact that all booty calls happen after 1 a.m. All those cars you see driving around after 12:59? People out in the streets past 1? They\u2019re all on their way to a booty call. 2 He gets frustrated when you invite him over to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":121015,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[],"tags":[51],"yoast_head":"\n