{"id":10803,"date":"2014-04-03T14:38:37","date_gmt":"2014-04-03T14:38:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/4cd.e16.myftpupload.com\/?p=10803"},"modified":"2014-04-03T14:38:37","modified_gmt":"2014-04-03T14:38:37","slug":"quit-yelling-5-ways-to-fight-fair-in-your-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/2014\/04\/quit-yelling-5-ways-to-fight-fair-in-your-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"Quit yelling: 5 ways to fight fair in your relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/4cd.e16.myftpupload.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/couple-arguing.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-7620\" alt=\"couple-arguing\" src=\"http:\/\/4cd.e16.myftpupload.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/couple-arguing.jpg\" width=\"450\" height=\"337\" srcset=\"https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/couple-arguing.jpg 450w, https:\/\/citifmonline.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/couple-arguing-300x224.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 450px) 100vw, 450px\" \/><\/a>Married couples need to have discussions, they need to solve problems, and sometimes they need to disagree, but they don&#8217;t need to squabble, argue, bicker or fight. Fights are dramatic, which is not helpful to a discussion. If you have enough energy to create drama, you have more than enough to tone it down into a discussion. However, because social expectations and mythology are so strong, many of my clients want guidelines for &#8220;fighting fair&#8221;. I&#8217;ve developed a set of Fair Fight Guidelines you may find helpful.<\/p>\n<p><b>Guidelines to fighting fair: <\/b>If you feel a fight is unavoidable, you can still find a win-win resolution if you follow these guidelines.<\/p>\n<p><b>1)\u00a0Remember the point of the fight is to reach a solution, not to win, be right, or make your partner wrong.<\/b><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Don&#8217;t try to mind read. Ask instead of what he or she is thinking.<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t bring up all the prior problems that relate to this one. Leave the past in the past; keep this about one recent problem. Solve one thing at a time.<\/li>\n<li>Keep the process simple. State the problem, suggest some alternatives, and choose a solution together.<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t talk too much at once. Keep your statements to two or three sentences. Your partner will not be able to grasp more than that.<\/li>\n<li>Give your partner a chance to respond and to suggest options.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><b>2) Practice equality. If something is important enough to one of you, it will inevitably be important to both of you, so honor your partner&#8217;s need to solve a problem.<\/b><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Ask and answer questions directly. Again, keep it as simple as possible. Let your partner know you hear him or her.<\/li>\n<li>State your problem as a request, not a demand. To make it a positive request, use &#8220;I&#8221; messages and and say please.<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t use power struggle tactics: guilt and obligation, threats and emotional blackmail, courtroom logic: peacekeeping, sacrificing, or hammering away are off limits.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><b>3) Know your facts. If you&#8217;re going to fight for something, know the facts about the problem: Do research, find out what options are available, and know how you feel and what would solve the problem for you.<\/b><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Ask for changes in behavior. Don&#8217;t criticize character, ethics or morals.<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t fight over who&#8217;s right or wrong. Opinions are opinions, and that won&#8217;t solve the problem. Instead, focus on what will work.<\/li>\n<li>Ask your partner if he or she has anything to add to the discussion. &#8220;Is there anything else we need to discuss now?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t guess what your partner is thinking or feeling. Instead, ask.&#8221;What do you think?&#8221; Or &#8220;How do you feel about it?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Hold hands, look at each other, remember you\u2019re partners.<\/li>\n<li>If you&#8217;re angry, express it calmly. &#8220;I&#8217;m angry about \u2026\u2026&#8221; There\u2019s no need for drama, and it won&#8217;t get you what you want. Anger is satisfied by being acknowledged, and by creating change. Anger is a normal emotion\u2014rage is phony, it&#8217;s drama created by not taking care of yourself.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><b>\u00a0<\/b><b>\u00a04) Acknowledge and honor your partner&#8217;s feelings \u2014 don&#8217;t deflect them, laugh at them or freak out. They&#8217;re only feelings, and they subside when respected, heard and honored.<\/b><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Listen with your whole self. Paraphrase what your partner says; check to see if you understand by repeating what is said. &#8220;So you are angry because you think I ignored you. Is that right?&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><b>\u00a0<\/b><b>5) Don&#8217;t use personal attacks or criticism. Focus on solving the problem.<\/b><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>If you want to let off steam (vent), ask permission or take a time out. Handle your excess emotion or energy by being active (run, walk, hit a pillow,) writing, or talking to someone who is not part of the problem. Don&#8217;t direct it personally at anyone. You can&#8217;t vent and solve problems at the same time.<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t try to solve a problem if you&#8217;re impaired: tired, hungry, drunk or unstable.<\/li>\n<li>Surrender to your responsibility. When you become aware that you have made a mistake, admit it and apologize. Use it as an opportunity to learn and grow.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Source: Magazine.foxnews.com<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Married couples need to have discussions, they need to solve problems, and sometimes they need to disagree, but they don&#8217;t need to squabble, argue, bicker or fight. Fights are dramatic, which is not helpful to a discussion. If you have enough energy to create drama, you have more than enough to tone it down into [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":6385,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[],"tags":[51],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v20.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Quit yelling: 5 ways to fight fair in your relationship - Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. 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