He doesn’t have much time

“Hey, I really don’t have much time but if I could just ask you one question …” Pickup artists like to claim they’re short on time. Perhaps a friend is waiting for them or they’ve gotta head off for whatever reason. Whatever is the case, the pickup artist will make sure you know that they won’t be hanging around for long. Why? Primarily to put you at ease. The pickup artist doesn’t want to seem intrusive, and he doesn’t want you to think he’s going to be sticking around forever. He wants to make sure you know he’s not going to take up all your time and that once he’s done asking his question, he’s going to pop off. If you want him to pop off, of course. If you don’t, he won’t be shy about hanging out with you for longer.

He’ll offer a backhanded compliment

Pickup artists don’t want you to know they’re full-on hitting on you. Instead, they’re a bit more artful than that. As such, instead of coming straight out with a compliment, they’ll play it cool by offering a backhanded compliment. This is known as a “neg” to pickup artists. Its intention? To feign disinterest. They don’t want you to know you’re being hit on, so they’ll come out with a neg in order to keep you grounded and raise your interest. After all, perhaps you want to be hit on and the neg is going to make you a tad frustrated. As such, you might stick around to see if you can impress this guy. An example of a backhanded compliment? “Hey nice dress, I’ve seen a few girls wearing that one tonight.”

Ouch.

He’s super confident

Not all men who are confident are pickup artists, but pickup artists take confidence to the next level. They even make it an art form! If a man is insanely confident, you have to question if something is up here. Have you got a pickup artist on your hands? There’s a good chance that you have, especially if he literally never wavers, hesitates or shows any sign of nerves. The reality is that he’s practiced this over and over again.

He’s basically Mr Perfect

He’s smart, well-mannered, funny, complimentary, loves his mom … he’s surely too good to be real!

He’ll touch you a lot 

A pickup artist is so confident that he’s going to touch you a lot. He isn’t going to touch you like a lover does after years of being together. He’s going to touch you in such a way that he wants just one thing tonight. Pickup artists tend not to have scruples. Watch out, because things might get uncomfortable.

He’ll ignore you at first

You’re hot and you know you’re hot, so why is the pickup artist neglecting you and talking to your friends instead? Firstly, he wants to appear as safe and easygoing as possible, and being able to chill and relax around your squad proves that. Secondly, he wants to get you to question yourself. “Who does this dude think he is that he can ignore ME?”

He waits 3 days to call

Do guys really wait 3 days to call? We always thought it was something guys only did in the movies! Actually, most guys don’t want 3 days to call after a date. Most will be in touch the next day. So if a guy calls after a period of 3 days, you can take this as a pretty big warning sign that you’ve got a pickup artist on your hands. Pickup artists rely on the same techniques and “rules” and one of them is the 3 day rule. If he waits until you’ve almost forgotten about him to call, take it from us – he’s well worth forgetting about for real.

He charms the pants off you

Pickup artists are a lot of things – including smooth talkers. They can charm the pants off anyone and they say exactly what you want to hear. Perhaps you might even feel bowled over by his eloquence and sweet nothings, and maybe you’ll feel as though you’re in a fairytale. And guess what? That’s exactly what he wants.

He’ll flirt with other girls

Is it a bit mean for him to flirt with other girls despite being interested in you? He’s just playing by the rules of the game as a professional pickup artist. And here’s the thing: Flirting with other girls to get your attention is the oldest trick in the game! The idea behind this is that he’s going to show you that girls like him, because he’s awesome and has interesting things to say. And because he hasn’t eyed you yet, he’s making you a bit jealous and frustrated. Pay close attention to how he acts around other girls. If he’s clearly acting up, you know why.

He just looks perfect all the time

All those guys you’ve dated in the past? They had off-days, right? Sometimes they looked messy and smelled a bit sweaty. Not the pickup artist. He’ll look fabulous all the time.

–

Source: Beauty and Tips

The post 10 Ways to quickly recognize a pick up artist appeared first on Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always.

1. Don’t try so hard

The very fact that you are reading this might be an indication that perhaps you are just trying too hard. Ease back a bit, give him some space and don’t keep expecting him to tell you how much he loves you. Men don’t like being put under pressure and his love for you will grow much quicker, if he is left to make that decision for himself.

2. Make him laugh a lot

The more you make him laugh, the more he’s going to want to spend time with you. Men are no different from women in this respect, if you have fun with someone, you will become more and more attached to them. Be prepared to make fun of yourself too. It’s much easier to love someone who does not take themselves, or life, too seriously.

3. Let him see the real you

It’s great fun putting on the makeup and getting dressed in your best outfits for a guy, but don’t be afraid to look natural sometimes too. He will appreciate it when you make the effort to look great for a night out, but he also wants to get to know the real you. You don’t need to impress him all the time; it’s the person that he will learn to love more, not the makeup and the designer clothes.

4. Show him that you are independent

How is he going to know how much he would miss you, if you are always there at his beck and call? He should know that you have a life outside of the relationship and you should go out with your friends sometimes. There’s no harm at all in him knowing that you can be independent, it will actually make him want you all the more.

5. Get to know the things that he likes

Although there is no point in you pretending that you have become a football fan overnight, you could take an interest in some of the things that he likes to do. If he is a sports fan, you could sit and watch a game with him instead of disappearing off into another room or, at the very least, ask him who won. He will really appreciate it if you take an interest in his hobbies and pastimes.

6. Give him compliments

If you are in a relationship with a guy, then he already knows that you like him, but he’d still like to get some complements sometimes. Tell him when you think he’s done something well, or let him know that you like the way he looks in his new clothes. Everyone likes to receive compliments, so don’t hold back. Who wouldn’t fall in love with someone who flatters them and makes them feel good about themselves?

7. Get along with his friends and family

You can’t guarantee that you will adore all of his family, or that you will like all of his friends, but you should do your level best to get along with them. Being nice to his friends and his family is sign of respect for your partner and he will love you for making the effort, even if you can’t stand some of his buddies. The worst thing you can do is to make enemies of those in his close circle, because that will be embarrassing for him and awkward for you.

8. Keep a bit of mystery about yourself

Men love a bit of mystery, so don’t give everything away all at one go. Let him discover more and more about you, as time goes on, and then he will love the surprises and he will keep coming back to find out more.

9. Make him proud of you

Don’t be afraid to share your successes with him, because he will enjoy them as much as you do. Let him see that you can win and he will be so proud of you, he will love you even more. Most men like a woman who has ambition, drive and passion, and they will want to share that with you and help you achieve your goals.

10. Be there for him when he needs you

One of the hardest things for man to do is ask for help, so let him know that you are there, if he needs you, and then follow that promise up with action, if and when the moment comes. Men are not as half as tough as they make themselves out to be, so become his motivation and support, and will love you all the more for it.

–

Source: Beauty and Tips

The post 10 Ways to make your partner love you even more appeared first on Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always.

Sometimes, the behaviors that seem the most innocent on the surface can actually be deeply abusive. For example, acting like your partner is not causing you any hurt or anger (not being responsive) when you consciously know you’re withholding yourself (as well as withholding the truth).

Staying together with a partner you don’t care about and are not loyal to for the sake of enjoying a mutually comfortable lifestyle. Furthermore, getting into a codependent relationship so that you can milk the other person for your own perceived benefits. These are all potentially abusive behaviors and it’s a lot to discuss and go through. So, I reserve the topic of abuse and conversation for another time, where I can thoroughly explore the issues surrounding abuse.

Although it is rare, a cheater can change. I don’t think it is the rule that cheaters will change their ways. I think many cheaters probably remain that way for a long time. Yet I believe that there are exceptions, so whilst from one perspective, I believe you should never tolerate cheating, it’s not that black and white. Every situation is different, and whether cheating should be tolerated or worked through and understood by both parties or not, depends on what happened, as well as the real, unadulterated reasons why the cheater cheated in the first place.

Sometimes people cheat because they perceive that they cannot experience dark and light energy with their partner, or that they cannot experience the full range of sexual variety with that partner because their relationship is boring or restrictive. That is an example where a cheater could change — when their needs are met and when they get what they perceive as highly valuable in a relationship. And if they are willing to also take responsibility for their behavior.

Some people cheat because they can, or because they’re not very emotionally connected people (they treat any relationship as a place they go to take), and they are unafraid of the consequences of cheating, or because they’re addicted to the experience. Those cheaters may never change without intense, permanent alterations to their environment, and peer group.

Now we’re ready to start on the 6 behaviors you should never tolerate in a man.

1: A man who doesn’t value connection in a relationship

Hopefully not. But it does happen, and that’s not wrong. It’s just not ideal for building emotional attraction and emotional connection.

Why do we have a relationship again?

Hopefully, to connect. I know this is not always the case. In fact, many people have “relationships” to take, take, and strip what they can from the other person. That’s not a relationship though. That is, I don’t know…what would you call it? Abuse.

Go to a man who wants to connect. Now, I want to be clear: I don’t mean to say: go to a man who is willing to call you more often. How often a man calls you is not a reliable indicator of whether he values connection or not. His choices in life and his behavior when you are together is a more reliable indicator, coupled with how connected it makes you feel to be with him.

This is a hard one. Because, sometimes, if one doesn’t value connection themselves, they may not ever notice whether a man they are dating values connection or not. Because they are not connected themselves!
So what do we need to do?

We need to zoom out and look at this person objectively. Ask yourself: does what this man does day to day, reflect a man who values connection with me? Or does it more so reflect the actions of somebody who is looking for approval, validation, or novelty? Does this man’s actions, choices, and decisions reflect a desire to value the relationship with ME, and value what we have together? Or do his actions reflect that his first valued thing is work, or sexual variety, or comfort, or being right?

Remember, zoom out.

Hover above him in an airplane and consider objectively — without any emotions attached — what does this man value? Does he value connection? Does he know the importance and the irreplaceable connection with one important person, like me? Or other individual family members?

Tolerating a man being horrible to you is no more horrible than him tolerating you being horrible to him. Why? Because we all deserve (and need) feedback and responses from other humans in order to function healthily.

A woman not regulated by a smart man is potentially dangerous to society and dangerous to herself. Very much the same as a man not receiving feedback from a woman can be dangerous to society…proceeding to hurt lots of other people, without consequences because, well, nobody cares to give those consequences.

We’re not talking about punishment here. I’m not saying that a man should punish you for being horrible, or being a user. I’m saying that you are a human and you deserve to be taught how to treat others right.

DISCLAIMER: Please differentiate between a man criticizing your behavior and a man giving you supportive, loving feedback, or simply just having good moral boundaries (which is a positive thing for him to have). I don’t want you to think that him giving you criticism to feel superior to you means he is doing you any good. He may not be.

A man who desires your approval will compromise himself as a man. What a sad and small way to live. Don’t tolerate it.

A man who values his safety and his bubble will perhaps never demand anything more from you, but instead will just try to please you. And do you really want that in your life?

I know this may seem like a strange thing to not tolerate. But I believe it is something you should never tolerate. Why? Because it will lead you to a mediocre quality of life! If a man wants to stay small or keep you small, then he won’t mind you treating him badly. And he won’t make you stop treating others badly, either.

Choose a man who won’t allow you to do anything stupid because he wants more for you in this life. He demands more from you. To hell with his comfort! Who cares about that? Humans are made to grow in spirit. You and your man should care about each other’s morals. You should both also have standards for the way you treat yourself and others.

3: Bad hygiene

Obviously, someone who is too good to do anything about their lack of hygiene could potentially mean you experiencing unnecessary symptoms of illness, and that is not something you want to tolerate or live with.

4: He takes no responsibility for his decisions and action

I don’t know about you but I’m over people who just don’t care. I used to want to try to be close to people who would blame me or avoid taking responsibility for their decisions, but I realized that just because I care to connect with them, does not mean that they cared about connecting with me. They may just want to take what they can from me. Some people really do have long-standing habits of being defensive and cold or even uncaring.

Sound familiar?

Sure, perhaps we could have behaved better, but if somebody truly believes what they are saying when they say, “If you would not do that, then I wouldn’t need to act like this/hurt you/punish you/degrade you” — then see ya later!

We all have a responsibility to try to take responsibility for our actions. If one is not even willing to entertain that idea, and they place all the blame on you, then they are not the right person for you.

Sometimes, people cannot handle the fact that they hurt you. Sometimes, people cannot handle the truth if it means acknowledging that they played a large part in something bad that happened.

Yes, there are times where one party in the relationship has more responsibility than the other: like a parent-child relationship. Calling the child a ‘problem child,’ for example, is not good enough. The parent has a responsibility to love and influence their child or deal with the consequences. The child is just a child: You cannot place equal blame on them until they are at the right level of maturity or understanding.

That’s not the ideal to aim for unless you have very little trust in the relationship and are still in the stages of building a foundation of trust. Then a 50/50 equal playing ground is sort of ok as a rule to go by. However, don’t cling to that 50/50 as an immovable rule, because the ultimate ideal to aim for is this:

Whoever comes to their senses first, takes responsibility. Don’t wait, unless you guys have very little trust established in the relationship. Whoever comes to their senses first, takes responsibility in the moment.

And if that person is always, consistently, you and he never does the same practice of taking responsibility, then don’t tolerate him.

For example, if you guys have an argument where you both hurled insults at each other, and you are consistently apologizing and he never even acknowledges that his words hurt you — then think about that. Do you want that long-term?

Why would I recommend that whoever comes to their senses first takes responsibility?

Because freedom.

Because leadership.

By being a leader, you have way more power in your relationships.

By being a courageous leader, you are able to observe much quicker over a period of time, whether this man is willing to step up to the plate, and is humble enough to be inspired by your loving actions or not. (Some men will run and hide when exposed to someone who has confidence and takes responsibility)

And when you acted the part of a leader, you get to keep your pride and dignity and possibly, even your self-confidence.

5: A man who shows no agreeableness

Agreeableness is when someone displays behaviors that can be described as kind, sympathetic, cooperative, warm and considerate.

Has he ever been kind? Has he ever been warm? I ask specifically if he has ever been warm because one can act kind or caring on the surface, but little warmth accompanies their actions. Don’t kid yourself. Just because someone seems caring or considerate (perhaps if there are not many people being caring or considerate in your life right now), any surface caring action can make that person seem like a saint.

Don’t kid yourself. Does this man display warmth? Has he ever displayed any warmth towards you, or animals or towards anyone else? Do you feel like he cares for you, or for any other person related to him? Has he ever proven to be sympathetic or considerate of your situation? Or your feelings?

A man who scores low in agreeableness is more likely to have a personality that falls in what is known as the dark triad. The dark triad encompasses narcissists, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. Men whose personality falls within the dark triad are also more likely to stalk (in case you were wondering).

Important: Most of us are able to actively switch from being cold or nonchalant to those whom we don’t trust and don’t want to get involved with to warm and loving and compassionate towards someone that we do love. I think the key is to look at how warm the man can be towards not just you, but towards his mother, his father, his pets, his children (if he has children), and his competitors.

Sometimes a cold person can be rehabilitated with new long-term love, compassion and with new intense experiences and stimuli to change how their brain is wired. I am no scientist. That’s just what I believe.
But do you want to be the one to rehabilitate him?

6: He has no real passions or masculine missions

Repetitive patterns of anger is not necessarily a sign of passion. Resentment is also not a passion. Learn to appreciate the difference between anger and a real passion.

Yes, anger can be a sign of passion, but not if the anger is done just to give himself an easy but fake feeling of superiority.

Anger IS passion when it comes from a belief in practicing basic morals.

Anger IS passion when it is expressed to show that you are hurting him.

Anger is passion if it is demanding truth.

Anger is passion when it is connected to his passion or mission.

Anger is passion if you’re angry because you truly want better for the other person or your family.

Always look and see if a man has a track record of losing his temper regularly, as a way of avoiding the truth, as a way of not letting you get through to them, or as a way of manipulating you. Those are something you should really think about seriously before tolerating.

Sometimes men have anger as a way of coping.

Sometimes a man uses anger because he has no other decent way to cope with life — and you probably shouldn’t just leave him without further thought, because that may not be his fault. You really need to take the time to consider carefully, whether you being kind by reassuring him when he is angry, or being loving when he is angry, or giving your feminine healing energy when he is angry, would drastically help or not.

Sometimes, all our attempts to give ourselves emotionally as a gift can be blocked out or ignored. These are the cases where you should not tolerate any further. Some people are too far gone to be responsive to your efforts to give your loving feminine energy.

We all develop less than good ways of coping with life at times. You can help him see that it is a coping mechanism and let him know that you love him as he is and that everything will be ok.

We are not perfect. None of us will ever be.

Most men would probably be responsive to your loving attempts when they are angry. And if he responds regularly and he is getting less defensive over time, or his patterns of anger are getting less over time, and even surviving the challenges of tests in unfamiliar environments and novel events, then you can keep going in that relationship until you decide you are done.

However, remember that any man you meet probably has decades of practicing a particular pattern of behaving. Any man you get involved with already has decades of patterns of dealing with difficult emotions. You can try to help or change, with the caveat that NOBODY makes a lasting change without a drastic change in their peer group and environment, and without you and others not tolerating a particular behavior in him.

A man whose anger patterns are something he wants to keep is not to be tolerated.

A man whose anger patterns were developed to make others wrong and himself right, without ever saying sorry or considering the other person’s perspective, may be very painful to tolerate for the rest of your life.

Anger versus passions: I believe that real passions are things you are willing to put an effort in to. Things that you would sacrifice other things for. Passions are things that you care deeply for. Passions are things that you go through great discomfort to pursue and achieve. Passions are beliefs that you would die on the cross for. Passions scream at us to give something to the world. To create and express ourselves.

Without this passion, then over time, your relationship will lose attraction and passion. You may lose respect for him.

What does it mean to not “tolerate” a behavior in a man?

Let’s be clear on the word ‘tolerate’. What does it mean to not tolerate the above 6 behaviors in a man? It doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to leave him right now. I didn’t write this so that you could immediately leave your boyfriend. Unless of course, you had already mostly made up your mind and this article just helped steer you towards the best decision.

You might need some time to think carefully. To observe him objectively (not with emotion, as it is hard to observe correctly when you are caught up in a relationship).

It might mean conducting more research. It might mean asking other people who know him what they think. Do they trust him? Is he warm? What happened in his past relationships? It might mean studying his Facebook posts and thinking about what impression his posts give to the average human being observing from another computer.

Either way, it means to not allow such behavior to continue existing in your relationship. It means to have values and rules for the right reasons. And it means to stick to those values because you value your time which is finite. It means that you value your energy, which is also finite. You don’t have forever to fart around with someone who repeatedly proves over a long time to be unfit for a relationship.

A relationship with the wrong person can teach you valuable things, but only if you pause long enough to feel what it has taught you.

Of course, remember that I am just some person (although I care). Always use your own gut instinct. Always check in with your heart, not your head. And feel for how much you trust a man. Your body was inherited through millions of years of selection — millions of women before you have given you reasonably accurate feelings about men and how good or bad intentioned they are.

So, don’t ignore what your gut knows. Be honest with yourself. Are you desperate? Are you feeling extremely lonely?

If you are in a very lonely situation, then you will be more targeted by bad natured men, and less accurate in your gut responses because you want something for yourself and (there’s nothing wrong with that) however, your desperation to gain something can overshadow the truth.

–

Source: Your Tango

The post Six behaviors you should never tolerate in a man appeared first on Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always.

Love makes the world go round and everybody (and I mean everybody) wants to be in love.

But it is possible! Let me help. Here are 5 ways on how to get a guy to like you and fall in love with you:

1. Be yourself

I know. Everyone always tells you how important it is to be yourself in any relationship. That’s because it is!

If you want a man to fall in love with you, you have to be you! You can’t try to be someone who he wants you to be or someone who you read about in a magazine.

Even the best actor isn’t truly authentic in their role and if you try to act like you are someone else, your guy will see through it and back away.

And, if he does become attached to the fake you, when he meets the real you, which he will, he will be gone in a flash.

And then you will be left alone with the pretend you. Not so fun, eh.

So be you. If your guy can’t fall in love with the real you, then you don’t want him to love you at all. If he can’t see how awesome the real you is, then forget him and find someone who can.

2. Be mysterious

In this era of public sharing of every intimate detail of our lives, it is hard to be mysterious in this world. But it is important to do so when you are out in the dating world.

I am a sharer. I am happy to talk about just about anything with anyone I meet. People at the dog park, at the grocery store or on the subway. I am happy to share intimate details about myself because I like hearing intimate details about other people as well.

Unfortunately, I learned the hard way that lots of sharing do not work so well in the dating world. The last thing that you want to do on a first date is to share every little detail about yourself.

Yes, your parents are divorced, you fight a lot with your sister, you have had sex with more than a dozen guys, and you are prone to bouts of sadness when the seasons change.

And, while all of those things are real and true, and should definitely be divulged in time, in the beginning, be yourself but also share information carefully.

Guys are different from girls and can get scared away by too much sharing. And, while you want a guy who can share, many guys need to get to know their girl well before they are comfortable with that sharing. So don’t put them off by sharing too much too soon.

Also, as I said before, guys are hunters and like to stalk their prey. And if he has to ask you questions about yourself to learn more, he will definitely be intrigued.

3. Be thoughtful about when you have sex for the first time

Yes. I am sorry. But this is so important. Do not have sex with your guy right away.

In this present day, 2018, I know that hooking up is part of the culture. Men and women are equals and we, women should be able to have sex whenever and with whomever we want.

And this is true but, if you want your guy to fall in love with you, waiting is a good idea.

Why? Two reasons.

The first is that, for women, having sex changes everything. Yes, we want to say that we can just hook up and not get attached but the reality is i that women become more attached after sex then men do.

There is actually evidence that women can get addicted to a man’s smell after just one sexual encounter, an addiction that makes them crave more.

The second reason is that men are hunters and what men are prone to hunt for most consistently is sex. When they catch their prey they are more likely than not to go in search of the next conquest.

So, if a man isn’t easily able to catch what he wants, he will be forced to keep working to get it. And the longer he has to work to catch you, the more opportunities will arise for him to get to know you and become attached to you.

So don’t let just anyone have you because you are awesome and, to win you, someone should have to work hard.

4. Be self-confident

There is nothing more attractive to a man than a girl with self-confidence. And there is no-one more able to handle a man than a self-confident girl.

Unfortunately, many of us become insecure wrecks around the men that we are interested in. The opposite sex is such a mystery.  We get how our friends’ brains work but can we remotely understand what motivates guys (other than sex)? No. This makes us feel clingy and insecure when we are with them.

And there is nothing more unattractive to a guy than a woman who is insecure and clingy. In fact, if you want to scare your guy away, a little clinginess will be just the thing to do it!

So nip that feeling in the bud. You are an amazing, independent woman of the 2010s. You can take on anything that you have set your mind to and make it happen.  Go about your life, be with your friends, work hard, do the things that you love. Be a person in the world who can succeed without a man.

Because you can. And he needs to see that. And when he does watch out! He will be yours before you know it!

5. Be a girl

I know. We are women of the 2010s. We shouldn’t have to be girly to attract a man. They should love us for the strong females that we are.

And, yes, this is true. A self-confident, mysterious hard-to-catch female is definitely attractive to men and worth pursuing.

But, men still really love girls who can be girls. A man wants a girl who he can make laugh. A girl who needs him. A girl who is willing to receive his gifts and his love. A girl who has an “on” button that he can find.

–

Source: Your Tango

Yes, in this modern world, men and women are equal. But men will always be men and girls will always be girls and their attraction to each other is, in many ways, the way it has always been. Visceral. A man likes to take care of a woman and a woman wants to be taken care of.

So be yourself but be a girl too. He will love you for it!

RELATED: 11 Psychological Tricks That Make Him Want You Sooo Much More

Let me tell you a true love story.

Last year, I met a guy who was a friend of a friend. We were both working our way out of relationships and we struck up a friendship. We spent three months supporting each other and getting to know each other, getting to know each other without any romantic intentions.

Probably because I didn’t think there was any chance of romance, I was naturally completely myself with him. I wasn’t trying to impress him or draw him in — we were just friends.

I shared things about myself, but not too much. I definitely didn’t have sex with him. I was building my business and shared all the hard work that I was doing and he was very impressed with the woman who I was in the world.

And when we were together, I was happy to let him walk me to my car when we were out late one night and carry my heavy grocery bags on a rainy day.

It started to dawn on me that I was getting feelings for this guy and one day, out of nowhere, I told him. He smiled and admitted that the same had happened to him. That night he kissed me and our feelings grew exponentially after that.

Yes, he is in love with me. And I with him. And it’s like nothing I have ever known before. A love built on mutual respect and friendship and truth. Not sex and falsehoods and good intentions.

Listen to my love story and make your own happen. Be who you are in the world, don’t give too much of yourself too quickly, be thoughtful about when you have sex, be self-confident and be your girlish self.

If you do, the man you want, or maybe even the guy you didn’t know you wanted, will want you back.

You’ll see.

The post 5 Ways to make a man fall in love with you appeared first on Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always.

Relationships can be tricky to navigate. There’s no official “Relationship Guidebook” (sadly), which means that we’re on our own. This can cause relationship anxiety and the questions are endless: Should we have said that? What does it mean when he does that? Are we supposed to ask if we’re even in a relationship? Once the so-called honeymoon of a period has passed and the two of you are well-established, you’d think that things would settle down and the questions would stop. However, this is only just getting started. Let’s take a look at 10 healthy relationship rules you should never break.

Being kind

There are days when we might not feel like being kind. Hey, we’re having a bit of a nightmare and we just want to shut the world off. However, being kind doesn’t really take any effort. Moreover, it will also have a positive rebound effect by making you feel good, too.

It’s important that kindness becomes so ingrained in your relationship that it becomes second nature. Eventually, it should get to a point where you don’t stop to think about making them a cup of coffee in the morning but instead you just do it because this is what the two of you do for each other. Be nice to each other, even when you’re having a bad day or they’ve done something to irritate you.

Don’t argue to win

The two of you WILL fight. It’s inevitable. However, what’s important is that you establish a relationship rule as soon as possible: Don’t fight to win.

If you go into each argument with the mentality that you HAVE to win each time, it’s going to cause a lot of damage, resentment and it will fuel further fights. Instead, you should adopt the attitude that a fight is just a means to the two of you finding a satisfying resolution that can take your relationship forward. Sometimes, this will mean you admitting you were wrong even when you know you weren’t. But hey, it’s just something you have to do.

Don’t change them

Changing our partner doesn’t work so it isn’t worth the time. Moreover, it creates tension and makes them feel bad. Let it go. Find compromises and learn to love them for who they are.

Love yourself

It’s very hard to love someone else when we don’t love ourselves first. When you first got into a relationship with your partner, there’s a very good chance you loved yourself first. Loving ourselves makes it easier for others to love us back. However, if you break this rule and fall out of love with yourself it can be really hard for a relationship to thrive.

Why? We get out of the universe what we put into it. If you loathe yourself more than you love yourself, it will start to show through a loss of confidence, a loss of respect and more. At this point, a relationship can be severely tested.

Stay loyal

This one goes without saying, but while we all know that we shouldn’t cheat physically, not all of us are aware of the impacts of cheating emotionally. In many ways, an emotional affair is more damaging than a physical one. When you get together with your partner, you’re essentially saying you will tell them everything and not go behind their backs. Stay loyal to them, both physically and emotionally. If you find yourself seeking something on an emotional level with someone else, you’re breaking a huge relationship rule that can create an irreversible rupture.

Always forgive

If your partner does something that’s truly unforgivable, there’s only one thing to do – move on from this relationship. For everything else, it’s important that you forgive and forget. Holding grudges destabilises a relationship. If you keep bringing up something they did years later, your relationship will struggle to be a happy one.

Be honest

There’s a line in the film Comet that says all relationships start out with a lie. It sounds pretty cynical, but once we settle down with someone there’s an unspoken rule that we’re going to be honest with each other from now on. Honesty is what builds trust and trust is super important for any relationship. Without trust, the entire fabric that a relationship is built on can fall apart. If you find yourself slipping and telling lies, shake yourself out of it. One lie makes it easier to tell a second, third and fourth. Before you know it, you’re no longer the person your partner thinks you are.

Say what’s on your mind

If one day you decide not to say what’s on your mind, it’s a slippery slope. Telling yourself “it’s okay if I let this one slide,” might sound like a good idea at the time but it can come back to bite you in the bum at a later date. Communication is key in any relationship and it’s important that you talk to your partner if something is on your mind. Otherwise, even the small issues can fester and grow into total resentment. And it’s at that point that a relationship really begins to deteriorate.

Don’t offer ultimatums

Ever found yourself close to saying “it’s me or your friends” to your partner? If so, it’s good that you’ve so far resisted from actually coming out with it. And it’s important that you never come out with such an ultimatum. Ultimatums like this need to be avoided. Making your partner choose between you and their friends is unhealthy and can spoil a good thing. The best thing to do is to find a compromise.

Always say sorry

Lastly, if you made a mistake, own up to it. Take responsibility and apologise immediately. If you don’t, you’ll struggle to find solutions in the future and it can create massive discord in your relationship.

What are your thoughts on healthy relationship rules?

–

Source: Beauty and Tips

The post Ten healthy relationship rules you should never break appeared first on Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always.

We all want more happiness in all aspects of our life. We want happiness at work, happiness at home and we especially want happiness in a relationship. This latter one is tough, because we’re not all able to separate the good guys from the downright wrong ones. And so we enter into a relationship with a man who begins to make us feel kinda miserable. Dating can be hard at times. Just when we think we’re clicking with a guy, he begins to show his true colours. Hmm, why couldn’t he have shown them earlier? He probably did, but you probably weren’t able to read or see the signs. To help you out, let’s take a look at the 10 types of guys to avoid, if you want a happy relationship.

The Clingy Type

Who likes a clingy man? Few, if any of us. The clingy type should be easy to spot straight away, but most girls make the mistake of giving him a few extra chances to relax and become less clingy. Unfortunately, Mr Clingy usually doesn’t take those chances. He continues to berate you via text, wondering where you are and why you haven’t texted back yet. He frowns when you tell him you’re hanging out with the girls tonight and therefore can’t see him. What does this mean? It means he’s got insecurity issues and doesn’t trust you. He’s worried you might have lost interest in him, might be talking to some other guys and so on. And this kind of thing won’t make for a healthy relationship because, guess what? No matter what you tell him, he won’t be reassured. He might be reassured for a few moments but it won’t last.

The Low Key Man

What’s a low key man? It’s a guy who shows you how much he loves you when it’s just the two of you, but who goes pretty quiet, when you’re with other people. In other words, he doesn’t seem too proud to call you his. Skip this one.

Mr Negative

This is another one of common types of guys to avoid. Negative people are harmful because they infect us. If you get into a relationship with an eternal pessimist who sees only the bad in the world and in people, you could try to change him, but it’s a much better idea to cut your losses and find someone who actually smiles.

The Player Type 

Perhaps opposite to the clinger is the player. Just like you don’t want to date a clinger who can’t get you out of his mind, you also don’t want to date a player who’s got you and other girls in his mind. The player is the cool, good-looking guy who can be really sweet, funny and charming. There’s nothing inherently wrong with him in the sense that he’s just looking for a good time. Hey, that’s his intention. The problems start to arise, however, when you date him and believe you can change him. You can’t. Usually the rule is that once a player is a player, that’s all there is to it. He’s not going to change for you or anyone else. He might make you feel special and sweet but he makes all his girls feel the same way.

The Excuse Maker

Oh, he wanted to see you but something came up?

No. Just no.

The Flake

One minute he loves you and then the next he disappears for days at a time. Is this really fun? Is this what some girls like? No girl happens to like this sort of behaviour from a guy, but some of us stick around it for too long. If he’s flaky and can’t make up his mind about you, make his mind up for him and walk out.

The Commitment-Phobe

The commitment-phobe is usually a great guy. He treats you well, makes you feel loved and you genuinely feel as though you could have a long-lasting relationship with him. The problem is that you’re not sure he feels the same. He’s cool until you start talking about the future, at which point he backs off or changes the subject. You know there’s no one else in his life at the moment but, for one reason or another, he can’t bring himself to commit to you. There are certain guys that are really stubborn when it comes to commitment. They might even do all the chasing at first and they might seem really into us, but eventually they’ll get scared. And then they’ll back off.

The Angry Man

If you’ve already witnessed his anger, don’t stick around to witness even more. Move on fast.

The Cheat

Surely it goes without saying that we shouldn’t date a love cheat? Well, if it did then we would’t be here saying it! For one reason or another, some girls like to give cheats a second chance. We know they’ve cheated on their lover in the past but they seem SO nice.

So nice, in fact, that they surely wouldn’t cheat on us, too?

At Beauty and Tips, we’re big fans of giving people a second chance, but where cheaters are concerned, well, the old adage that a leopard never changes its spots springs to mind.

The Lazy Man

If your man is lazy, unmotivated and has no ambitions, guess what? That’s probably not going to change anytime soon, especially if he’s already entered his 30’s. Sure, it’s unfair of us to expect men to have it all figured out but we want some kind of plan from them, as well as some passion, desire and motivation. If a guy has zero dreams and goals, he’s only going to bring you down with him with his pessimistic outlook. Avoid.

Do you have other tips on types of guys to avoid?

–

Source: Beauty and Tips

The post Ten types of guys you have to avoid if you want a happy relationship appeared first on Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always.

The best relationship of your life will be with someone who double texts when they have a funny story to tell you and don’t want to wait to talk. Someone who doesn’t stop to calculate whether you were the last person to initiate the conversation or whether it’s their turn because they don’t play games. They say what they want when they want without worrying about how clingy it makes them seem.

The best relationship of your life will be with someone who introduces you to their parents and each one of their friends because they are proud to show you off. Because they want you to be a bigger part of their life. Because they love you and want the rest of the people they love to meet you.

The best relationship of your life will be with someone who wants to cuddle after you have sex. Someone who sticks around, even when your clothes come back on. Someone who wants to stay up until midnight talking to you about their past and present instead of running for the door the second they get the chance to escape.

The best relationship of your life will be with someone who posts pictures of you on social media because they thought you looked adorable that day. Someone who will spam your page and blow up your phone on your birthday. Someone who will change their relationship status and delete Tinder right away to make sure that everyone knows they are off the market.

The best relationship of your life will be with someone who invites you out with their friends because they don’t want you to be stuck at home doing nothing while they are out having fun. Someone who makes a point to include you in their weekend plans because they consider you a friend, a teammate, not just a lover.

The best relationship of your life will be with someone who keeps screenshots of the cute texts you have sent them. Who keeps movie stubs from all of the films you have seen together. Who keeps a collection of memories to catalog your journey together.

The best relationship of your life will be with someone who isn’t afraid of looking stupid. Someone who is completely and utterly themselves. Someone who isn’t worried about looking like a complete idiot in front of you, because they know that’s what love does to you.

Most people would call that kind of person clingy or desperate, but really, they are authentic. They are passionate. They are real. They are the best kind of person you could ever date.

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Source: Huffington Post

The post The best relationship of your life will be with someone ‘clingy’ appeared first on Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always.

Is it vain to want all the attention to be on us? Is it narcissistic to want our man to find us supremely desirable? Hardly. In fact, it’s human nature to see validation from the people we are either crushing on or madly in love with. Who wouldn’t feel good knowing their partner finds them irresistible?

The thing is that no one is born with so much charisma that they’re irresistible to the opposite gender. It’s something that can be learned and it isn’t down to genetics. An average-looking person can be insanely desirable to their partner, as long as they do the right things. It’s all about how you make someone feel. Let’s take a look at 10 tips on how to become irresistible to a man.

Be Confident

Confidence is attractive. There’s no other way of putting it. If you’re a confident person, you’re automatically a bit more appealing in his eyes. It shows him that you’re assertive, you’ve got your own mind and you’re in love with yourself. And he’ll love that 100%, because no guy wants to be with a woman who hates herself.

He’ll be drawn to your confidence, if you show him that you’re a woman who knows what she wants. Don’t ask him to make your mind up for you. Make decisions yourself. Take control and be confident enough in what you do and say. Don’t ask to be forgiven but stand by your actions.

Be Positive

Being positive is one of the best tips on how to become irresistible to a man. Let’s face it, no one wants to be with a woman who’s always scowling, miserable and whose glass is always half empty. Negativity is infectious and as a rule of thumb, guys do their best to avoid this kind of person. When he thinks of you, you need to make sure that he pictures your natural warmth, your happy-go-lucky smile and your positivity. Be optimistic when you’re around him. Adapt a “can-do” attitude and always look for solutions and not problems. Be the best version of yourself and keep smiling!

Compliment Him

You know what guys really like? To be complimented. It’s not the same when they compliment you and you shoot them one straight back. It feels fake and they’ll question how sincere your compliment really is. But if you pay him a compliment out of the blue, it will make him feel fantastic and he’ll want more where that came from. Guys like to be assured that you like them. Otherwise, they suffer from the same relationship anxiety as us and ask themselves, “does she even like me?”

If he’s wearing nice clothes today, don’t be afraid to tell him they look good on him. Compliment his hair, his eyes, his smile. If you never shoot him a compliment, he’ll begin to question how much you really like him and – worse still – whether you’re someone worth pursuing.

Show, Don’t Tell

This is another great tip on how to become irresistible to a man. Don’t tell him you’re a kind person – show him. Don’t tell him you’re the most loving person alive – show him. Actions speak louder than words and guys appreciate women who show and don’t just tell.

Create An Air Of Mystery

Guys love a bit of mystery. They love the chase and they don’t like it when a girl gives up everything about who she is almost straight away. So make sure that you create an air of mystery around yourself. Leave some things to the imagination. Let his mind wander with questions. Hold back some answers. The more you give away, the quicker he’ll get bored.

Don’t Take Things Too Seriously

We know that there are some things in life that should be taken seriously and guys know this, too. But there are other things that should be taken more lightheartedly. If you can’t laugh at anything but, see, even the most trivial of matters as “nothing to laugh at,” you’re going to encounter difficulties in your quest on how to become irresistible to a man. Guys like to clown around and have a good laugh. They don’t take things too seriously and they make jokes about everything. So laugh along and don’t tell him to get serious.

Arrange Things To Do With Him

It’s normal for guys to arrange things for you two to do together. But you know what? Guys really appreciate it when girls take charge every now and then and suggest things you can do. It reminds them that you do enjoy hanging out, and it also takes the load off them having to come up with ideas. If there’s something you want to do with him, just say so.

Give Him Space

Oh, you wanted to do something with him for the TENTH weekend on the bounce and are upset that he’s watching the sports game this weekend? In fact, you’re so upset about this that you’re going to muscle in on his sports game and watch it with him?! Not cool. If you want to make yourself irresistible to him, you need to give him his space and lots of it. Let him watch his sports – buy him tickets! Show him that you’re going to give him room to breathe. He’ll love it!

Dress Well And Wear Make Up

Taking care of not only your inner beauty, but also of your appearance is another good tip on how to become irresistible to a man. If you want to make yourself attractive to him, you need to dress up, not dress down. Wear your best, most feminine dresses. Wear the make up you know you look good in. Look so amazing that he can’t keep his hands off you. Let your inner beauty reflect on the outside too.

Flirt With Him

Lastly, you need to get your flirt game on, if you’re to make yourself irresistible to him. Pay him compliments, banter with him, tease him. Be humorous, role play and ask him fun questions. Simply, enjoy the present moment and have fun!

Do you have other tips on how to become irresistible to a man?

–

Source: Beauty and Tips

The post Ten tips on how to become irresistible to a man appeared first on Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always.

Relationships can be tricky to navigate. There’s no official “Relationship Guidebook” (sadly), which means that we’re on our own. This can cause relationship anxiety and the questions are endless: Should we have said that? What does it mean when he does that? Are we supposed to ask if we’re even in a relationship? Once the so-called honeymoon of a period has passed and the two of you are well-established, you’d think that things would settle down and the questions would stop. However, this is only just getting started. Let’s take a look at 10 healthy relationship rules you should never break.

Being kind

There are days when we might not feel like being kind. Hey, we’re having a bit of a nightmare and we just want to shut the world off. However, being kind doesn’t really take any effort. Moreover, it will also have a positive rebound effect by making you feel good, too.

It’s important that kindness becomes so ingrained in your relationship that it becomes second nature. Eventually, it should get to a point where you don’t stop to think about making them a cup of coffee in the morning but instead you just do it because this is what the two of you do for each other. Be nice to each other, even when you’re having a bad day or they’ve done something to irritate you.

Don’t argue to win

The two of you WILL fight. It’s inevitable. However, what’s important is that you establish a relationship rule as soon as possible: Don’t fight to win.

If you go into each argument with the mentality that you HAVE to win each time, it’s going to cause a lot of damage, resentment and it will fuel further fights. Instead, you should adopt the attitude that a fight is just a means to the two of you finding a satisfying resolution that can take your relationship forward. Sometimes, this will mean you admitting you were wrong even when you know you weren’t. But hey, it’s just something you have to do.

Don’t change them

Changing our partner doesn’t work so it isn’t worth the time. Moreover, it creates tension and makes them feel bad. Let it go. Find compromises and learn to love them for who they are.

Love yourself

It’s very hard to love someone else when we don’t love ourselves first. When you first got into a relationship with your partner, there’s a very good chance you loved yourself first. Loving ourselves makes it easier for others to love us back. However, if you break this rule and fall out of love with yourself it can be really hard for a relationship to thrive.

Why? We get out of the universe what we put into it. If you loathe yourself more than you love yourself, it will start to show through a loss of confidence, a loss of respect and more. At this point, a relationship can be severely tested.

Stay loyal

This one goes without saying, but while we all know that we shouldn’t cheat physically, not all of us are aware of the impacts of cheating emotionally. In many ways, an emotional affair is more damaging than a physical one. When you get together with your partner, you’re essentially saying you will tell them everything and not go behind their backs. Stay loyal to them, both physically and emotionally. If you find yourself seeking something on an emotional level with someone else, you’re breaking a huge relationship rule that can create an irreversible rupture.

Always forgive

If your partner does something that’s truly unforgivable, there’s only one thing to do – move on from this relationship. For everything else, it’s important that you forgive and forget. Holding grudges destabilises a relationship. If you keep bringing up something they did years later, your relationship will struggle to be a happy one.

Be honest

There’s a line in the film Comet that says all relationships start out with a lie. It sounds pretty cynical, but once we settle down with someone there’s an unspoken rule that we’re going to be honest with each other from now on. Honesty is what builds trust and trust is super important for any relationship. Without trust, the entire fabric that a relationship is built on can fall apart. If you find yourself slipping and telling lies, shake yourself out of it. One lie makes it easier to tell a second, third and fourth. Before you know it, you’re no longer the person your partner thinks you are.

Say what’s on your mind

If one day you decide not to say what’s on your mind, it’s a slippery slope. Telling yourself “it’s okay if I let this one slide,” might sound like a good idea at the time but it can come back to bite you in the bum at a later date. Communication is key in any relationship and it’s important that you talk to your partner if something is on your mind. Otherwise, even the small issues can fester and grow into total resentment. And it’s at that point that a relationship really begins to deteriorate.

Don’t offer ultimatums

Ever found yourself close to saying “it’s me or your friends” to your partner? If so, it’s good that you’ve so far resisted from actually coming out with it. And it’s important that you never come out with such an ultimatum. Ultimatums like this need to be avoided. Making your partner choose between you and their friends is unhealthy and can spoil a good thing. The best thing to do is to find a compromise.

Always Say Sorry

Lastly, if you made a mistake, own up to it. Take responsibility and apologise immediately. If you don’t, you’ll struggle to find solutions in the future and it can create massive discord in your relationship.

What are your thoughts on healthy relationship rules?

–

Source: Beauty and Tips

The post Ten healthy relationships you should never break appeared first on Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always.

If only it were that simple.

At times, being in a relationship has a curious way of leaving us more confused, frustrated and dissatisfied than does being single. We love our partner but we don’t understand them, yet we want to work things out. Escalating emotions lead us to overreact and over-analyse. It’s complicated, at best.

As a psychologist, I’ve heard every relationship dilemma imaginable. Some require deep analysis and serious effort, while others benefit from a quick fix. From cheating scandals to bitter betrayals to being married for 30 years but sleeping in different beds, I’ve been taught one monumental lesson by my career: There is a solution to every single conceivable problem.

No matter how seemingly perfect, all relationships suffer from some cause for concern. Chances are, your love relationship is speckled with some of the more manageable issues which are both temporary and reparable if the right actions are taken.

Reflect on these eight how-tos and apply my solutions to reach emotional prosperity in your partnership:

1. How to settle arguments
Contrary to what you’ve heard, arguments can be quite a productive force in relationships. That’s because it’s not so much about the initial argument as it is about the final agreement.

This means that how you resolve your disagreements and the conclusions you reach far outweigh the dispute itself. Never leave feuds unfinished or let things ‘go away on their own’.

An argument which occurs once is bound to become a recurring source of conflict. Compromise to resolve disagreements once and for all by eliminating the catalyst of your hostility.

2. How to encourage better communication
Most couples complain of communication issues. Not listening is a roadblock which impedes mutual progress. Yet it’s a common issue because both partners hold dearly onto their egos and would rather not have their opinions questioned.

The key to communication is to invite your partner to talk first. Ask your partner a key question, which is likely to lead him or her to release his or her thoughts and emotions. Once you have listened openly without speaking, tell your partner that you’re ready to share your point of view. Speak to your partner as if you were speaking to your best friend: Uninhibited, un-intimidated and unafraid.

3. How to resolve recurring issues
The first step in resolving recurring issues is to dig to the root of the problem. This means, for example, that your partner’s emotional issues are not random, but might stem from some childhood experience or a deep-seated need. Once you’ve discovered the origins of the issue, you must address and manage this underlying cause before you can put a stop to a persisting problem.

Breaking patterns of negative speech and action largely involves a process of healing, as we often act out when we are hurting subconsciously.

4. How to cut out external influences
In my practice, I have seen that external influences are often the hidden reason for conflict. We unknowingly invite all sorts of energies into our relationship: family, friends and even enemies all play a role in the fluctuating dynamic between us and our partner. Even worse, we can sometimes mis-perceive the intentions of others and think that they wish us well when they might not.

As a rule of thumb, keep most secrets strictly between you and your significant other. Your love relationship is an deeply intimate bond and its details are best left between only its two members.

5. How to regain trust
Trust is more easily broken than rebuilt, and once trust is lost, it can become particularly tricky to recover.

Regaining trust in someone else requires that you first establish trust in yourself. Once you understand that you will never fail yourself, put your partner to the test. Give your partner a mental point for each trustworthy deed: being on time, doing as they promise, being honest, and so on. In time, your trust will be built up once more to a healthy degree.

6. How to make progress
Progress is a two-person endeavour. Both partners have to be in accord and must want to move in the same direction. Progress also necessitates a conscious desire to change. The most powerful way to facilitate change in another person is to change yourself. If your partner simply won’t budge, consider modifying your own behaviour. Assess the situation and understand what needs to be tweaked to improve your relationship. For instance, if you find yourself doing all the work, take a step back and see how your partner responds to the sudden decrease in effort from your part. Their subsequent actions will show you where they stand in the situation.

7. How to keep love alive
Maintaining that ‘spark’ over the years is difficult to do. For many, love fizzles out and habit creeps in. But that fleeting feeling of newfound love can be re-enacted through a medley of new and old activities. Push your partner and yourself out of your comfort zones. To start, go back to the beginning and do something you loved to do in the first few months of your relationship. Leave the cell phones at home and communicate throughout the activity. Then, try something completely new, something you’ve always wanted to try but perhaps haven’t had time for.

There are no excuses for not doing whatever it takes to keep love alive.

8. How to make your partner happy
There is no simple answer when it comes to making another person happy because there is no guarantee that your partner will be satisfied, even if he or she is given what they want. The only infallible act to keep someone content is to show them your unconditional love.

Our partner will do things which will downright upset us, but unconditional love should step in as a little voice that reassures, “It’s okay, we can work through this.” Small reminders of love – such as a short sweet message or a hot meal after a long day – work wonders to help your significant other understand that they are cherished.

All relationships will experience bumps in the road, but most problems can be resolved through a combination of compromise and simple, pure love. The more effort both partners put into crafting their connection, the more loving rewards they will reap.

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Source: capitalfm

The post The 8 ‘how-tos’ of love relationships appeared first on Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always.