Many people know snooping on your partner is a terrible, dreadful, horrible, atrocious, no-good, bad idea; this is no news. But why will a partner snoop around when you have not given him or her reason to? Well, I will say there can be a REASONABLE amount of snooping especially when there has been evidence of a romantic relationship outside of marriage. As a married woman, I will begin to definitely snoop if all of a sudden my spouse claims right to privacy. If you were to refuse to give me your passwords to your computer, social networks, or cell phone records, or to what you do with your time away from each other, when I don’t know any of your friends and when you refuse to take me out, when you constantly delete your messages, hide to receive calls, that would trigger almost anyone’s curiosity. What’s my spouse trying to hide?

There are other red flags. One of them is having a close friend of the opposite sex because that’s how most affairs develop. An opposite-sex friend at work, someone you are with recreationally, or someone you simply enjoy talking to about almost anything is the person to whom you are most likely to become emotionally attached.

Another is being separated overnight — or for days, weeks, or months. The longer you are separated from each other, the more likely one of you will have an affair. Jobs that require spouses to be separated are much more highly associated with infidelity than jobs that allow spouses to sleep together overnight.

Others include unexplained absences, excessive consumption of alcohol, and a marriage that has lost its spark……..no sex from a partner for a long while. These are but a few of the conditions that inspire snooping.

Let’s look at the following scenarios:

1. The whole day your man has been on the phone, chatting, giggling and receiving calls from God knows who. You are unable to ask or even peep on his phone as he has made sure he has adjusted himself so well you can’t know what he is up to. Then finally, he goes to the bathroom, the door closes, the shower has been turned on and you hear water gushing out. You know you have very little time to check what he has been doing whole day and God being so good, you realize the phone is right beside you…………….
2. Your man has been getting calls from someone. Anytime that call comes he either go to the room to answer it or has a very low tone compared to the others. He knows you not to be the jealous type so you keep quiet and keep hurting within, your mind is filled with so many thoughts and doubts…………then luckily he dozes off. You know this is your chance to check whoever he has been communicating with…………….the phone is right beside him………….
3. Your man receives a call and quickly he goes and takes a shower, uses the best perfume and DRESSES UP, even wears a new boxer, checking and admiring himself in the mirror from time to time, making sure he looks perfect. You ask where he is going and says he is meeting the boy……………in new boxer, eish!!!. Luckily he drives out and you hear his phone ringing……he left his phone behind……….
4. Lastly, he has been acting weird, hardly talks to you or affectionate towards you. You feel he no longer loves you. He spends all his time at work and on his phone, no time for you. You ask what is wrong and you get no response. All he does is chat on his phone, you wonder who he is chatting with, who is taking your man’s mind from you and then you find his phone all alone, forgotten in the kitchen whiles he wastes time searching for it in the bedroom……………
5. I remembered the last one. Again, your man has been spending all his free time on his phone. Even when sleeping he hides it. Then “fortunately” your camera on your phone gets spoilt and you wanted to take pictures but he can’t take it for you as he is busy. You take all the pictures you want. The phone is with you and he is nowhere around you………

It is easy in all the above-stated instances and even more to develop a burning desire to go snooping around on his phone. But the question is, is it a good idea? What will you achieve aside the hurt, pain diminished trust, misinterpreted messages among others that comes along with it? But as human as we are we want to know everything at ones.

So if your spouse has been snooping on you, and you haven’t been having an affair, don’t discourage the snooping. Instead, address the red flags. What have you been doing that makes your spouse worry about an affair?

I recently read an article on citimonline.com where the writer, Kwadjo Panyin, stated that men do not accidentally leave their phones in plain sight and walk away unless they believe and are sure their partners will not snoop. He stated that, a man who leaves his phone around you most of the time is likely conveying a simple message to you; he trusts you……..and I totally agree with him. But he left something out; a man can or will leave his phone in plain sight when he knows all chats and messages have been deleted. Also when he is aware you don’t know his password or has changed it recently.

Give your spouse all of your passwords, provide your spouse with your schedule, be available by cell phone throughout the day, and be willing to give a full account of everything you do and everywhere you go. Most will be against giving your spouse passwords and access to your accounts, but what we forget is ones you are an open book the others feels no need to snoop around. The other will be confident and comfortable and will have no doubt you belong to him/her alone. A player’s job is made easy because they make their partner feel secure, loved and safe. Don’t tolerate secrecy in your marriage.

Note that there is a difference between privacy and secrecy

Don’t have ‘close friends’ of the opposite sex. Your spouse should be your best and closest friend. And be sure that your spouse enthusiastically knows and approves of the friends you do have.

Don’t be separated overnight. But if it’s impossible to avoid, create precautions that would make having an affair while you’re apart essentially impossible.  Keep in touch, call frequently and stay away from activities that will lead to anything inappropriate.

Avoid drinking to excess and going to parties by yourself. And when you go to a party together, stick together throughout the evening. Most ladies of late don’t mind “quick unholy activities”

But if your marriage has lost its spark, if you are no longer meeting each other’s most important emotional needs of affection, intimate conversation, sexual fulfilment, and recreational companion, if you’re no longer in love, if one of you is bored, start doing something about it today. The greatest risk for an affair is when a marriage is no longer romantic, boredom…… That’s when someone else can step in to fill that void. When that happens, that person can seem to be impossible to resist, regardless of how much damage an affair is to the betrayed spouse, children, and even to the unfaithful spouse. If you and your spouse are not in love with each other, restore that love so that neither of you must choose between a loveless marriage and infidelity.

Snooping usually reflects a spouse’s loss of trust. And that loss of trust is usually caused by red flags that should be addressed in a marriage. Even if no affair is actually taking place, the snooping itself should not only be encouraged to help provide evidence that mistrust is unwarranted, but it should also trigger a serious effort by the suspected spouse to remove the red flag.

Don’t criticize the snooper. Instead, eliminate the conditions that made the snooping seem reasonable to your spouse.

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By: Edith Edem Agbeli

The post To snoop or not to snoop: A woman’s perspective appeared first on Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always.

1. “Right to say No to sex”
No woman should be raped or forced to have sex by her husband or any man. She is not a sex object or a sex slave. Her no means no!

2. “Right to dream”
A woman should not be told to shelve her dreams in the name of love. The woman’s dreams are just as important as the man’s dreams. As the two love each other they must find a way of making their dreams work. We all have an individual purpose, man or woman.

3.”Right to say she is not ready”
A woman’s decision should be respected. Women are different and at different places in life and readiness. A woman may be in love but not ready for a relationship or marriage. It doesn’t mean she is scared of commitment, indecisive, or doesn’t want to love him; she is just not ready. She just needs time, a little more convincing, for the man to work a little harder.

4. “Right to financial power”
Money is a good thing. It gives power to do things. The woman is filled with joy when she contributes to the needs of the home, when she buys herself things, buys her man, her children, her family, her parents things or treat them. She feels fulfilled when she sees herself not as a burden in need of assistance every time but a contributor no matter how much or little she brings to the table. She feels more confident to engage.

5. “Right to cry”
Whether a woman cries easily or not. She has the right to shed tears if it will make her heal or feel better, the right to release. Sometimes all a woman needs is to cry it out without being seen as petty, emotional, childish or weak.

6. “Right to honesty”
A woman is not afraid of the truth no matter how painful. She deserves to know the truth at all times, she can handle it. Don’t keep things from her or peddle lies claiming that you are protecting her.

7. “Right to the best of love”
A woman, especially a woman who loves her man so good deserves good love in return. Don’t give her hell when she is giving you heaven.

8. “Right to self-advancement”
A woman should progress, her man should not be a stumbling block. She has the right to study all she desires; Degrees, Masters, PhD. She has the right to get the best job in the market, the best salary, the best promotions, best clothes. Her man shouldn’t tell her to back down, tone down or under-shine because he is insecure that she is more successful than him. Her success is his success, he should celebrate her.

9. “Right to good sex”
When a woman has decided it’s the right time to give her body to that one man she will be faithful to, she deserves mind-blowing sex from him, her husband. No holding back, the highest of pleasure accompanied by his faithfulness to only her.

10. “Right to worship God”
Spirituality is a personal journey. If the man will not walk his journey, he shouldn’t drag or hinder the woman from walking hers. No one, not even her husband should come between a woman and her God.

11. “Right to socialize”
Her man is her number one priority, but he is not the only important person in her life. She has her family, colleagues, friends, customers and clients; she still needs to invest time and effort in these other relationships without being looked on with suspicion.

12. “Right to decide matters concerning her womb”
Pregnancy is the exclusive role of the woman, it is her womb that carries the baby for months, her body and life that is changed by expectancy. They should decide when she is ready and fit to have a child and how many, with the man making his case, sensitive to her health.

13. “Right to an opinion”
The woman’s voice in a relationship/ marriage should not be silenced. Decisions made should involve her, she must have a say. The man should not be a dictator. When a woman’s voice is silenced, she will withdraw, be unhappy, resent the man, or walk away. Listening to her doesn’t mean it’s her way that will carry the day, it doesn’t always mean compromise. But even if her ideas will not be taken, agree to it with both feeling your opinion was put into consideration.

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Source: Capitalfm

The post The 13 rights of a woman a man must respect appeared first on Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always.