The discussion started off with the foundation of the family, which is marriage.

In his submission on the Citi Breakfast Show, he took his time to delve into what marriage is, because according to him, you cannot have a happy home and family without a happy marriage.

“A husband and wife are the physical infrastructure of a marriage. If the two partners involved are not functioning well together, there is a great chance of not getting a good home”.

According to Kpikpi, every marriage is like building a house which requires a blueprint for starting the process.

“Settle the issues before you get started. I believe every marriage is like building a house, and there is a plan for building it. Unfortunately, most people start without finding out this plan”.

He noted that the mistake most couples make is having their own individual plans of what the marriage should be.

This, he said, can be detrimental to a marriage because of the likelihood of the opposing plans or vision of both couples.

He advised a man and a woman who want to settle, to try and understand marriage from God’s perspective to make marriage work.

The first and foremost thing in the blueprint of a marriage, is understanding that marriage is  about companionship “Which means they are close together, they share their lives, they support each other, they share the food or bread together,” he said.

The second thing in the blueprint of marriage from God’s perspective, is that a man and his wife will become one in the flesh, to look like and function like one unit.

“God wants every marriage on earth to have his creative ‘one flesh’”

The next thing he spoke about is choosing the right person. According to him, the person you have met is the one ordained for you.

To be able to find the right person, you need to open your eyes in God’s way or in a godly manner to what you want.

You need to work on yourself first to able to find the right someone for you. Look for deeper inner character, like faithfulness.

Faithfulness should be something you must find in the right person for you to spend the rest of your life with.

His last submission on the description of a happy home is whether or not your home is a safe haven for you, a place you are eager to go after a hustle and tussle with the world, a place where you and your partner work together as a team, and place where there is peace. If you are able to be true to yourself in the answers to what has been mentioned, then you have happy home and a family.

–

By: Farida Abernie Ola Yusif/citifmonline.com/Ghana

The post Effective Living Series: John Kpikpi’s description of marriage and family appeared first on Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always.

Random friend requests, being added to groups you did not ask to join, and tags that allow “friends” to clog up your timeline with posts or photos you don’t necessarily want.

But a Nigerian man took that to a whole new level when he posted an unusual advert.

Chidimma Amedu put up a post on 30 December, asking any woman interested in being his wife to reply, he told the BBC.

The proposal

“Am of age to and I am ready to say I do and am wasting no time.

“Send in your applications – the most qualified will be married on January 6, 2018. Application closes 12 midnight, 31/12/2017,” he posted.

He then followed up with subsequent posts.

“Am serious about this oh and don’t say you did not see it on time. Good luck.”

He received a couple of responses, but one from a certain Sophy Ijeoma was the one which caught his attention.

“Am interested, just DM me…lols,” her post read.

At first, she thought it was a joke and she simply replied to keep the thread flowing.

Man on a mission

A direct message from him to her inbox, followed by a Facebook call, would change her life’s trajectory.

Two days after their first conversation, he travelled some 500km (300 miles) from his home in the northern city of Abuja, to Enugu in the east where she lived.

She had been waiting for him outside a retail store and in true fairy-tale style, “it was love at first sight”, she recalled.

“He is the most handsome man I’ve ever met and I liked him instantly.”

After two hours of “awkward” conversation, he asked her to go to meet his uncle, who incidentally is also resident in Enugu.

Asked what was going through her mind at the time, she said she thought it was all a bit of a joke, but she was excited about it and thought Chidimma was quite an interesting character.

Tradition meets modernity

“We got to the uncle’s house and he said: ‘Uncle, meet the woman I want to marry.'”

Like Chidimma, his family don’t seem to hang about when it comes to getting things done, because the uncle gave his approval.

Sophy recounted how she relayed the information to her mother. Her dad had passed away, and her mum said she did not have the final word in terms of giving approval for her to be married, so it was up to Sophy’s elder brother to give his blessings.

It would appear the odds were firmly in their favour as Sophy’s brother gave his blessings too.

So after a few questions from her brother, it was official – Chidimma and Sophy were engaged to be married in six days.

On the rebound?

Last year Chidimma was engaged to another woman and the wedding was scheduled for December, but the relationship fell apart in March leaving him dejected.

As December approached, the disappointment of not being able to fulfil his dream of getting married made him put up the post, he said.

“I had the desire to get married, I had a date in mind, but no bride, so I decided to place an advert as a joke, but I was open and up for it.”

Asked whether she knew about his earlier engagement and her thoughts on how this seemingly rushed marriage might be seen as a rebound, Sophy dismissed any suggestions that her relationship was not well thought through.

“I don’t care about that – when you see what you want, you go for it.”

They had been friends on Facebook for more than a year, but had never met or spoken to each other until the advert.

“Am interested, just DM me…lols” was all it took for the union to be formed.

Sophy admitted her friends were sceptical about the whole thing, while some are still in disbelief, but as she said: “When you see the one, you will know he is the one”.

Happily ever after?

They got married on 6 January in a traditional Igbo ceremony, and posted photos of their wedding day on Facebook of course – to the amusement of the social media community.

Chidimma put up a post saying people may have thought he had been joking but he clearly wasn’t.

As can be expected, there were mixed reactions, but mainly a lot of support for the couple.

They hope to have a church wedding in April and perhaps a honeymoon somewhere nice, he said.

–

Source: BBC

The post ‘I replied to a Facebook post and was married six days later’ appeared first on Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always.

Prince Charming might have flaws, but he doesn’t have bad habits that can ruin a relationship. While it’s impossible to find the absolute perfect man (we’ve looked, he doesn’t exist) that doesn’t mean you should drop your standards and marry a guy who has annoyingly bad habits. For a man to be marriage material, he has to be completely the right man for you. Sure, he will still have flaws (don’t we all?), but flaws are different from habits. Habits are things we’ve learned to do over the years; they’re ingrained in our behaviour and we do them automatically. Not only can they annoy you, but it’s also practically impossible to get a man to change his ways. If a guy has some of the following 10 habits? He isn’t marriage material.

He’s Full Of Excuses

He can’t just give you a straight answer for why he let you down, and instead resorts to his Big Book Of Boyfriend Excuses. Each time he makes an excuse, he’s displaying his immaturity to you. Moreover, there is a good chance he’s lying. Excuses are the resort of children – and you want to marry a man, not a child.

He’s Narrow Minded

Guys who are narrow minded really frustrate us, don’t they? We just wish they would be more open to doing something other than watching sports all weekend, and we wish they would stop making snap, judgemental comments about people. Some guys can seem to be the most open-minded people about certain topics, but become closed off when it comes to other topics. And it’s really annoying because it can contaminate your relationship. For example, imagine you want to hang out with a guy friend you haven’t seen for a while. You know what this guy is all about, and you know what his “intentions” are – to hang out and catch up! Meanwhile, your partner mistrusts him, tells you all guys just want sex from you and won’t let you see him. If your man is still stuck in the 19th century with his close-minded views, he’s hardly worth marrying.

He Shouts

Any guy who has a habit of exploding with anger is a no-go as far as Beauty and Tips is concerned. If you’ve met a man who shouts, screams and verbally abuses people, stay well away from him.

He Breaks Promises

If your man casually breaks promises with you all the time, it isn’t a good sign. What this should tell you is that this is a bad habit he’s picked up down the years and is unlikely to change anytime soon. Broken promises are frustrating. If he breaks a promise early on in the relationship, it’s not a huge deal. But if he keeps doing it, you need to take this as the huge red flag that it is. In simple English, he’s disrespecting you and the relationship, and taking you for a fool. It’s a sign that he doesn’t care enough about you (or anyone for that matter) and probably won’t be changing in the foreseeable future. After all, he doesn’t seem to see it as a problem. But as the movies teach us, those who break their promises suck (it’s usually dad’s breaking their promises to their kids, and yes, they suck. And can you imagine what would happen if you guys had kids and he broke his promises to them, too?!)

He Lies

Breaking a promise is one thing, but if he brazenly lies to your face and you know it’s a clear lie, it’s a major warning sign that this is a guy you can’t trust. Lying is a bad habit that’s easy to get into and hard to get out of. If you’ve caught your man lying red-handed on more than one occasion, you’ll need to consider the very real possibility that he isn’t worth marrying.

He Doesn’t Put You First

If a man doesn’t put you first, you have to ask yourself the question – when will he put me first? The answer is probably never. Guys who don’t prioritise their women are instead in the habit of prioritising their buddies, their work or their hobbies. Love comes last, and if it’s always been this way in your relationship, there is a good chance that it won’t change.

He’s Possessive

It’s okay for someone to be a tad possessive at first. It’s even kinda cute. But you two have been together a while and he’s still being extra clingy, it’s a habit he’s probably not going to break. In fact, it probably means he’s a control freak. And that kind of man isn’t worth walking down the altar with.

He Likes To Win Arguments

If he gets a smug sense of satisfaction whenever he wins an argument between you guys and literally hates the fact that even once he could be wrong, it’s a bad habit that you should take as a red flag. No one in a relationship should go into an argument wanting to win. Instead, the goal should be a resolution that suits both parties. If your partner always has to be right? He isn’t worth your time.

He Won’t Take Responsibility

When we refuse to acknowledge our mistakes and take for responsibility for something that was OUR fault, we’re behaving like children. Worse still, we’re passing the blame onto someone else. Even worse, we’re not giving ourselves the chance to learn from our mistakes. If this sounds a lot like your man, he isn’t marriage material at this point.

The post 10 habits to be wary of when choosing a husband appeared first on Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always.

1. “The Absent one”
Do you find yourself spending most of your active time away from home? Do you find yourself desiring to spend less of your time away from your spouse?

Have you reduced your marital home into a lodging place where you come late at night only to sleep then leave in the morning? This is dangerous. People don’t get married in order to feel neglected, you are meant to be a companion to your spouse. Become active in your home, deliberately make time to stay at home, time for your spouse and children. Always ask yourself, does my wife feel she has a husband/does my husband feel he has a wife?

2. “The unsure one”
You are married, but do you still find yourself doubting whether you married the right one? Analyze yourself, do you feel that you are not fully giving your all in your marriage, it’s like you’re waiting for something? Do you find yourself comparing your spouse with others? This is dangerous. Love works best and is only fruitful when you both give your all. It is foolish to complain about your marriage yet you’re not giving your 100% effort. The sooner you decide you will fully be in your marriage, the sooner you will see the fruits of love. This is real life.

3. “The chauvinist one”
As a man, do you find yourself looking down on your wife or women in general? Do you find yourself wanting to dominate and lord over your wife? Are you a dictator in your marriage? Do you have the false view of what a wife’s submission to her husband means? This is dangerous. Stop treating your wife as your junior or your subordinate. Stop speaking words that make your wife feel enslaved. Stop using a tone that is condescending or giving orders. Work on how you relate with your wife. Your role as her husband is to love on her. Loving means serving her, seeing her as an equal partner in your marriage; looking at yourself not as her master, but her best friend.

4. “The over feminist one”
As a woman, do you find yourself wanting to prove to your husband that even you can do what he does, even better? Have you been taking the message of woman empowerment too far to the point that you are no longer loving and warm but militant; ever looking for ways to show your power? This is dangerous. Husbands and wives are meant to compliment each other, not compete. You two can actually live in harmony. Don’t harden your heart, relax; love and be loved.

5. “The complaining one”
Are you constantly focusing on the wrongs your spouse does or the things lacking in your marriage? Are you constantly, whining and negative? This is dangerous. You will fail to see the progress in your marriage. Marriage is a journey of love, not an event of perfection. There is so much good in your spouse and your marriage but you will not see it if you keep searching and recording failures, short comings and mistakes. Learn to be patient.

6. “The secretive one”
Are you inclined to keeping things from your spouse? You hide secrets and rarely disclose things? You edit what you tell your spouse and in a weird way convince yourself that you are doing so to protect your spouse? This is dangerous and will lead to your spouse being suspicious of you and distant from you. Your spouse is an adult and can handle the truth, learn to open up and make decisions with your spouse.

7. “The unforgiving one”
Is there one thing or things you still hold against your spouse? Something your spouse did that you keep reminding him/her of? Is your forgiveness real or do you say “I forgive you” but deep down you define your spouse by a wrong he/she did? This is dangerous. Your marriage will never blossom when you hold on to the past.

8. “The lazy one”
Do you take time to invest and put effort in your marriage? Or do you not bother at all? Is your spouse putting effort to pray for your marriage, read about marriage, self building but you are just there? Caring less? This is dangerous. Nothing grows without consistent and deliberate effort. Stop being lazy.

9. “The uncooperative one”
Are you hard to work with? Are you difficult to love? Difficult to please? Difficult to talk to,to plan things and to live with? Do you turn things into a fight? Do you always have to win an argument or conversation? Do you just stubbornly choose not to do as agreed or are great at giving excuses? This is dangerous. Marriage is a partnership, teamwork. If you become a stumbling block or a hurdle, your marriage will be a burden. Choose to be a blessing.

10. “The public driven one”
Are you so concerned about your public image that you’re focusing more on pleasing outsiders than your own spouse? Are you giving out money to family and outsiders yet your spouse and family is in need? Do you have a good reputation outside the home but in the house, your spouse sees a different you?

Are you chasing after the applause of the public as you hurt your spouse? Are you paying more attention to outsiders than you do to your spouse? This is dangerous. Your spouse ought to be your priority. The public actually doesn’t even care about you that much, some will even use you. But your family and spouse will be there for life. Get your priorities in order.

–

Source: capitalfm

The post 10 mistakes people make in marriage appeared first on Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always.

As a person who has studied the subject of relationship success, and how to build a happy and long-lasting marriage, I feel compelled to reply. Before I continue to ramble, in case you haven’t read the statement accredited to him. Here is it: “A woman who does not submit to the husband and trust his instinct is not going to be successful in marriage. I think that we have forgotten the fundamentals of marriage. When you love someone, it’s important to be able to forgive, respect and submit.

As a woman, you need to trust the captain of the ship. It’s truly important if you want peace in your home.”

“If you are a Christian, it is your bible that will take you through your wedding days. Everything happens for a reason. I have a beautiful baby boy, a wealth of experience and a lot of work to do.”

Before we ask a woman to submit. We must ask for the origin of that suggestion. Obviously, it’s from the bible and he has rightly hinted that when he said: “If you are a Christian…” When the woman was asked to submit in that verse of scripture, we conveniently forget to recall that the man was asked to love and die for her. Yes, that’s the complete Bible.

I am not privy to the hidden secrets of their marriage but Mr. Chris’s statement may reek of entitlement mentality. A prevailing philosophy by many men in my generation. “When a woman is submissive to a man, that marriage will be successful”.

This is a fallacy that needs to stop. It is not the 9 – 5 job of a woman to make her marriage work while the man treats it like a side hustle. The success of ANY marriage is a full-time job for both the man and the woman. It takes a man that is ready to die for her and a woman that is ready to submit to such a die-hard man.

When you make mistakes as a man and your woman is finding it hard to forgive you. It’s not because she forgot the need to be submissive. It’s because, just like you made a mistake, she hasn’t learned to master her emotions and let go of the hurt you caused her. She probably wouldn’t be in that shape had it not been your mistake. This goes both ways.

I have constantly poised in my teachings that anybody can be married but not anyone can build a Happy and Longlasting marriage. With all due respect sir, this is basically what that ‘submit’ verse was talking about – ‘If you are not ready to die for her, you are not eligible for a marriage that is Happy and Longlasting.’
I have never met Miss Damilola Adegbite and I am certain that she has her flaws just like you. She may even be the one with ‘bigger troubles’. However, if I will respond in the same manner you made that statement, here is what I would say, “when a woman believes a man can literally die for her, she would hold on to him forever. Submission will never be a problem”
A great mind said, “When people feel loved, it is easier for them to listen.” and I couldn’t agree more.

To every man out there who is shying away from taking responsibility for the success or failure of their relationship or marriage, you need to answer these questions:

Have you loved her enough?

Does she feel like she’s the most important person to you?

Have you lived in such a way that she can vouch for you?

Have you been 100% committed to her and her success?

Do you often ask her to make more sacrifices than you have shown willingness to make?

Can you die for her?

Until all your answers to these questions are in the affirmative, you have no right to demand submission. If she gives you, great, she’s a developed woman and if she doesn’t, understand that she’s just in the same phase you are in – ignorant!

Mr. Legend is a relationship expert who is passionate about the subject of Happy and Long-Lasting marriage. He believes that only the High-Value Partner can build such marriage. Follow on IG: @OlatunjiLegend
–
Source: olatunjilegend.com

The post Chris Attoh and the Entitlement Mentality of African Men appeared first on Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always.

Whatever the case, it’s wise to pause and ask if you’re doing all you can to attract the best.

To be sure you’re the kind of person other people can’t wait to go out with and keep going out with— here are some things to think about…

• Act “as if …”: If you knew you would meet someone amazing this week, you would probably dress a little nicer and smile more. So do it, because it just might happen.

• Make yourself feel attractive.: Read a self-improvement book, buy a new outfit, get out and exercise, update your look—when you feel attractive, others will find you more attractive, too.

• Initiate a growth spurt.: You will be far more captivating to the opposite sex by continually growing, developing, and moving your life toward a big goal.

• Check your must-have and can’t-stand lists.: Those lists you made to evaluate potential partners are a good place to evaluate your own attractiveness.

• Love yourself—so you can receive love from someone else.: Don’t roll your eyes, this is so true! Having a healthy self-regard, and feeling comfortable in your own skin, sends a powerful message that you are ready to give and receive love.

• Live with purpose.:  Everyone wants to be around a person who loves life and lives it fully. Discover what inspires and energises you, and go for it.

• Project confidence.:  Since self-confidence is contagious, you’ll boost your odds of finding a partner if you become convinced deep down that you have a lot to offer.

• Detox your emotional life.:  Toxic emotions — bitterness, regrets, shame — have a way of leaking out into actions and attitudes. Do whatever you can to work through damaging feelings.

• Tell it like it is.: Everyone appreciates a straight shooter, with no hidden agendas or sales pitches.

• Let your enthusiasm pour out.: Which would you choose—a date who has low energy and seems indifferent, or someone who is upbeat and optimistic? So would your potential dates.

• Skip the snarky banter.: Modern humour leans heavily on sarcasm and cynicism, which may work for stand-up comics and late-night TV hosts, but not so much for potential lovers.

• Maximise your God-given assets.: Look for ways to develop and utilise your talents.

• Know where you’re going.: If you don’t have a solid direction for your life, work hard to develop one.

• Show genuine interest.: Everyone has a story to tell and a desire to be heard. Make the other person feel worthy of your undivided attention. (Put the phone away.)

• Leave exes out of the conversation.: You’ve heard it before, but it bears repeating because it’s such a common complaint: No one wants to hear all the terrible details about your exes!

–

Source: Matchmaker Ashley

The post 15 ways to be the person others want to date appeared first on Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always.

It is because they don’t set boundaries. There are nine types of people a married person needs to be aware of and keep boundaries to protect themselves from. Here is how to do it…

1. “The one in need of a hero”
This is where many married men fall prey, they see a young lady, a damsel in distress. They take her in, buy her things, promise to change her life, pay her tuition fees, pay her rent, buy her a car. He feels good because the young lady celebrates and praises him. This is the toughest affair to break because it makes the man feel good as a hero.

Married women also fall prey, especially the successful ones. They get a man in need of support. The man makes her feel good by looking up to her and she keeps supporting him especially financially and giving him her body.

The truth is, many married men and women don’t get appreciated at home. To protect your marriage from being destroyed this way, appreciate each other, make your spouse feel like a hero, look at your spouse in an admiring way. And if out of your good heart one of you identifies someone you’d like to mentor and support, do it together, as a couple. Don’t do philanthropic acts alone, do it as a couple with defined boundaries. Most of all, be a hero at home, to your spouse, your children.

2. “The one with a shoulder to lean on”

This happens when you start running to another person, especially when your marriage is facing issues. You get that one person who is not your spouse you cry to and vent to, you become emotionally attached. Soon, you start meeting up with this person frequently, this person begins to know about your smile, how your day is and what’s on your mind; more than your spouse does. You feel loved, this person feels needed; next thing, you’re having an affair.

To protect your marriage from this, don’t let things deteriorate to the point you cannot vent and cry with each other as husband and wife. Keep good communication channels between the two of you, if there are problems in your marriage talk it out amongst yourselves, not to an an outsider. If that is difficult, then talk to a reputable spiritual leader or a professional counselor or someone of the same gender as you; not someone of the opposite gender who can easilly get close and feelings emerge, distracting you from working on your marriage.

3. “The Neighbor”

David, a man after God’s own heart fell this way. He lusted after a neighbor. Watch yourself, so that you don’t fall for that neighbor hanging clothes outside on the line, washing the car, bending while doing house chores, walking in a loose leso with no bra, dressed in shorts or a vest showing muscles. Watch out for that neighbor who comes to visit and gets cozy in your home, that neighbor that is within reach when you are the only one at home.

Protect your marriage from this by only entertaining visitors when you are together, show love to your spouse before your neighbors, have a healthy sex life that you have no time looking out the window, telling off a neighbor who is checking you out.

4. “The Workmate”

You are married, perhaps you spend more hours at work than at home; Monday to Saturday, 8am to 5pm, or even night shifts. By the time you get home, you spend about three hours with family before sleeping. Even when you do spend time, it is largely talking about responsibilities of the home as you do chores, eat and sleep. This kind of work schedule can easily push you closer to a work colleague and away from your spouse. Breeding ground for an affair.

Protect your marriage from this by putting your marriage out there. Wear your wedding ring with pride, constantly bring your partner in the middle of conversations at work, “My spouse was telling me that…” During lunch break, call your spouse on phone, or better yet, meet your spouse for lunch. Introduce your spouse to the colleagues you work with the most. Keep a photo of your family/spouse in your office and as your phone’s wallpaper. Above all, make time for your spouse, even as you work so hard.

5. “The friend who is too close”

Some easily fall for this because it is difficult to see it coming. You justify spending time with that friend because you’ve known each other from back in the day. You get too comfortable with this friend, it could be your spouse’s friend. You don’t stop the closeness because friendships are a good thing. Soon, you are kissing, having sex with this friend.

Protect your marriage from this by knowing that once you get married, friendships have to be clearly defined. You are now accountable to your spouse, all other friendships come after your marriage in priority and value. Let your friends know you are taken, have boundaries. Introduce your friends to each other, avoid meeting friends of the opposite gender in private venues, keep no secrets from your spouse.

6. “The attractive stranger”

This is that person some meet in a club when drunk, or that repair man who comes to fix something at home when you are home alone. It could that stranger you bump into in your work travels or when outside the country. You might feel a thrill talking with this new person since your spouse is old news, you’ve known pretty much everything about your spouse.

Protect your marriage from this by growing up. Only a fool would abandon a marriage that has stood for years for a complete stranger. Anything exciting you wish to do with a stranger, go do it with your spouse. Spice up your marriage, avoid alcohol and places of casual interactions.

7. “The old flame”

This could be your ex, the man/woman you had a child with but broke up, someone you used to like, or you had sex with in the past. This person appears and a weak spouse gets confused. The old feelings resurface and regrettable sex occurs.

Protect your marriage by opening up about your past to your spouse. Let your spouse know your ex/s and what led to the break up/s. Tell your spouse when someone from the past makes contact. Tell off an old flame that tries to woo you, stand up for your marriage. Don’t be the weak link that makes your marriage break yet the past should remain in the past.

8. “The chat mate”

In this age of social media, many married people are sexting and having phone sex with chat mates. They are excited about going on phone to have naughty sessions with chat mates that they put no effort in their marriage. This is already wrong and it upgrades to a physical meeting with the chat mate to have sexual intercourse, the chat mate turns you on and you want the real sexual experience.

Protect your marriage from this by having phone sex and sexting with your spouse, not a chat mate. Use the phone to better your communication and sex life with your spouse, not to form wrong connections. Ask yourself, if you are really mature and serious about your marriage, will you be comfortable and proud if your spouse goes through your phone conversations?

9. “The Help”

This is that employed adult who gets to live in your house or who frequents your house to help out. Many men have ended up having sex with a househelp, some married women have also had affairs with the shamba boy or a helper at home. This brings shame upon your home and to your spouse. How dare you have sex with an employee in the home you build with your spouse.

Protect your marriage from this by hiring a house help as a team. Hire someone of good repute. Have rules to follow that you agree together as a couple. Wife, involve your husband in making the rules as often, when a husband is absent in rule making, he ends up over-riding the rules the wife gives. Rules like dress code, no access to the master bedroom, do’s and don’ts. Be loving in the presence of the househelp. Be a team.

Don’t entertain temptations. Make boundaries married man, married woman.

–

Source: capitalfm

The post 9 persons married people end up having affair with appeared first on Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always.

So what’s the secret to making sure that what you’ve created stands the test of time? The secret is that there is no secret. Every couple’s situation is unique, but you can choose to adopt the right mentality to ensure you’re doing your part to make it work.

1. Value your marriage
Think of your marriage – not your car or house – as your most important asset. You’re the owner of your relationship, and you can mould your marriage into what you want it to become.

My advice to my clients is to place their family life before their professional life. Today, many women have become career women, which is amazing! But the problem begins when their career overlaps onto their home life. Keep your marriage and your work separate, but always choose your marriage over your work.

2. Forgive your spouse
Your spouse will commit errors along the way. Some will be greater than others, but it’s your responsibility to discern the grave errors from the minor mistakes.

In general, we have to learn to practise forgiveness more often. And certainly practising forgiveness in our marriage may very well save us from divorce.

3. Evaluate why you want to stay married
Getting married and staying married are two different stepping stones. If you are married, I want you to make a list of the ten reasons you want to stay in your marriage. These reasons may range from comfort to love to habit, and they are all valid reasons to stay married as long as they matter to you.

4. Develop the unbreakable bond
A bond is the glue of a marriage. Make yours unbreakable. This is more of a mental exercise; take on the mentality of “us against the world”.

No matter what life throws at you, think of you and your spouse as being inseparable. Affirm every day without fear in your heart.

5. Don’t take everything so seriously
So what if your husband snores louder than fireworks going off, or if your wife has a problem with being way too tidy? These are traits which make them unique. Don’t create reasons for arguments which aren’t valid.

Let your partner be who they are and admire them for both their strengths and weaknesses.

6. Envision the future of your marriage
Don’t take it day by day and hope that things will get better. Plan ahead in your marriage, as with anything else. Envision what your marriage will be like in five, 10, even 20 years from now. What can you do each day to make sure that you and your spouse will still be satisfied by the relationship many years down the road?

7. Make three necessary corrections
Any marriage, no matter how stable, can stand to use three improvements. Just as you improve your home, so too can you improve your relationship. Evaluate what three factors in your marriage need to be addressed and corrected or improved in some way. For example, maybe your partner doesn’t trust you enough. Make it a point to speak with them about this issue right away and find a compromise to make it better.

8. Compromise, compromise, compromise
If your partner won your last disagreement, allow them to win this one. You won’t always get your way, and understanding this is one of the first steps towards a beautiful marriage.

9. Simplicity is key
We, as humans, over-complicate absolutely every facet of life. As a rule of thumb, the simpler your marriage the more pure, genuine, and solid it will be. Don’t seek to make your relationship too complex with false promises, negative emotions, or pretentious demands.

10. Worship with your spouse
The family that prays together stays together. Whether you’re Jewish or Christian or just Spiritual in creed, worship with your spouse. Even if they’re of a different religion, take turns observing the holidays sacred to each of you. Solidifying your common beliefs will deepen your relationship and will bring you both closer to Spirit.

11. Form habits together
Here’s a thought for change – do things together! Take up a new habit with your spouse, such as a new exercise routine you can both enjoy or a new craft you know they’ll be interested in. This will lead to new conversation, more mutual interests, and those tender moments which later become cherished memories.

12. Return to the beginning
Go back in time. Try to remember what made you fall in love with this person from the day you met them. What qualities made you especially interested in them? These qualities are still alive in your spouse, but maybe they’re temporarily overshadowed by anger, bitterness, or frustration. See past their negative emotions and dig deep to rediscover their greatest qualities, the ones you fell in love with from day one.

13. Prioritize your marriage
Don’t let your marriage fall behind other elements of life. Remember that this is the one person in the entire world you decided to embark on a journey with. That journey is your marriage, and it isn’t meant to end here. Place it back as your first priority, as it was when you began your journey.

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Source: all4women

The post 13 tips to create an everlasting marriage appeared first on Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always.

What makes a woman think twice about a relationship, and what behaviour can have her partner sleeping on the couch for the rest of the week?

In my practice, I encourage both partners to air their views. To speak truthfully about what they want and don’t want in their relationship. I mostly write about the most common complaints that I hear in my practice. But today, I can also write from personal experience …

Rebuilding the trust, passion and intimacy in the relationship starts with being honest about who you are and what you want. This includes the expectations that you have for your partner.

Not only are these some of the most common complaints that I hear from patients, but I can back them up from my own experience. That’s not to say that every woman in the whole world will feel the same – we all have our preferences – but here are some of the most common things that women DON’T want in a relationship…

Tell me in the comments below if you agree? And if you think I’ve left out anything important?

1. Don’t assume you know what she wants
Men and women communicate differently. Sometimes a woman will just want to ‘vent’ about a certain issue while she works through it in her own time. She will tell her partner about the issue – which could be anything from a confrontation with her boss, to a dilemma over which colour nail polish to wear – but she will not be expecting a solution.

So often, men will try to ‘help’ the situation by offering a solution. This only leads to the woman getting upset and frustrated because “he’s not listening!”

This is just a lack of understanding of the situation. Men need to ask their partners whether they need help to find a solution, or whether they just want to chat about the issue. That way, they can both be on the same page.

2. Don’t just listen … try to hear what she is actually saying
This goes hand-in-hand with #1… Couples often speak ‘past’ each other. They say things while the other person is distracted, or is not really engaged in the conversation, and then they get frustrated when they aren’t being heard. We all live busy lives, and we all have a lot to think about. Women are usually better at multi-tasking than men, and we assume that since we can prepare dinner and watch a soapie and have a conversation at the same time, our partners can too.

But there are certain times when we need our partners to listen AND to hear what we have said. In my practice, men often tell me that their partners just ‘go on and on’ and they eventually tune out. The women will respond and say that they have to ‘go on and on’ because ‘he never listens the first time!’

I tell my patients that if they need to communicate something important, they need to make sure that their partner is engaged. Sit them down, look them in the eye. Make sure that there are no distractions like cell phones or TV screens around. Communicate directly – don’t try to make the conversation ‘pretty’. State the facts, and then state what you want your partner to do about them. For example:

“I have to go to a meeting at 2pm tomorrow, I need you to pick up the kids from school and drop them off at sports practice…”

If you really want to make sure your partner has heard you, ask him to clarify what you said.

3. Don’t say anything about her weight
This is a very touchy subject. We all expect our partners to love us no matter what … and it can be very hurtful when someone we love criticises the way we look. No one wants to hear “you DO look fat in those jeans”.

Believe me, a woman KNOWS when she’s put on weight. She KNOWS that she doesn’t look like she used to … the last thing she needs is her partner reminding her about it. She is bombarded with negative messages about her body every day.

If you are concerned about your partner’s health, then take a different, more supportive approach to the situation. Suggest that you start exercising together, maybe join a sports club. Offer to make dinner on the days when she’s so busy at work that she has to buy take-aways. Ask if there is any way you can help decrease her stress, and help boost her energy.

Added weight is just a symptom, it’s not THE problem … try to find a healthy, more balanced lifestyle solution together.

4. Don’t complain about her ‘nagging’ – DO something
If your partner asked you to fix the leaking tap in the bathroom three weeks ago, and she’s still asking you to fix it – that’s NOT nagging. She will eventually get so frustrated with your procrastination that she will call a plumber to have it fixed instead.

This often leads to an argument between couples – she says she wants something done, he says he will do it, she says “in what century”… you know what I’m talking about!

In my practice, I tell women to write down a list of items that they would like done, and next to each item their partner can write down a date that they will be done by. This way, the woman does not have to ‘nag’ her partner and the man is clear about expectations.

5. Don’t forget to give her compliments
Men in long-term relationships often forget how to compliment their partners. When you’re dating, you take the time to notice every little detail – what she likes to eat, the clothes she wears, and how she does her hair.

Over time, these things become ‘normal’ and less noticeable. Men assume that their partners KNOW that they are loved. Or KNOW that they look good in that dress. Or KNOW that their hair looks great.

But men should never stop giving compliments, and making an effort to notice their partner. We all have busy lives, and sometimes it’s difficult to remember every detail about your partner’s day. So if she mentions that she’s going to the hair dresser, put a reminder in your phone. That way, you will remember to compliment her when you see her again.

It’s not just about how she looks. Women also love to be encouraged by the people they love. Don’t forget to tell her how much you love her, what a great mom she is, or congratulate her on her promotion at work. Make it clear how much you value her, don’t just assume she knows.

6. Don’t stare at other women!
It is normal to notice a pretty woman … but it is very disrespectful and hurtful to stare at another woman in your partner’s company. Not to mention flirting!

Make sure that you always honour the relationship between you and your partner first. Make sure that your behaviour makes her feel loved and secure.

7. Don’t force intimate physical contact
Men often think that it’s playful to grab their partner’s breast or touch her intimately in day-to-day interactions. They might be having a fun conversation at breakfast, and he jokingly grabs her breast, or he might come home from work and think it is ‘romantic’ to grab his partner and force his hand up her skirt. These are all done with the best intention, but are often met with a very cold and irritable response.

In my practice, I explain that men and women experience intimacy in different ways. Men need to be touched from the outside in, while women need to be touched from the inside out.

Men enjoy physical contact, and being touched intimately, while women need to be in the right mental and emotional space to react positively to intimate touch.

So instead of coming home and grabbing her, why not compliment her and ask her what you can do to help get dinner ready? Or how you can help with kids’ homework and getting them ready for bed.

Easing a woman’s stress and emotional responsibility will help lay a foundation for intimate physical touch at a later stage.

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Source: all4women

The post 7 things women hate in a relationship appeared first on Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always.

2. You don’t have to argue over every little disagreement. Sometimes you have to move on from the petty differences you have with your spouse and focus on more important things.

3. You don’t have to keep a score of who puts in the most money or who does more in the marriage. You both have different capacity. As long as you both give what you can and as you can and appreciate each other, you will be united.

4. You don’t have to be concerned whether people approve of your spouse, the race of your spouse, the tribe of your spouse, the status of your spouse or the age of your spouse. As long as you in your right mind genuinely love your spouse, you know your spouse is good for you and God is pleased with your choice, don’t mind what people say.

5. You don’t have to have a child/children for your marriage to be complete. Biological children are a gift from God, not a right in every marriage. Don’t let people make you feel your marriage is not blessed because you have no child yet or don’t plan on having children.

6. You don’t have to respond to every attack or insult directed at your marriage. The best way to lower the power and venom of your enemies is to pay them no attention.

7. You don’t have to tell your close friends everything about your marriage and spouse. Some things are best kept special and confidential, just between you and your spouse.

8. You don’t have to copy other marriages and have the material things other couples have. Marriage is not a race competing against other couples. Grow at your own pace, define your marriage as a unique couple.

9. You don’t have to complicate marriage because people told you marriage is hard work. Love is simple, people complicate it with selfishness, unwillingness to learn and pride.

10. You don’t have to drown your marriage into gender politics because you feel some things are not for your gender to do. Both husband and wife want love, a helping hand, respect and care. Stop being difficult. Both of you have equal stake in this marriage.

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Source: Capitalfm

The post 10 simple truths about marriage appeared first on Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always.