If you are an unemployed African bachelor or maiden, it is highly possible a chunk of the people you meet will ask when you’re getting married… and not when you’re getting a job. It points to the uncomfortable truth that, to many, marriage is such a big ambition― sometimes the only ambition.

We have successfully molded the minds of our generation to assume that marriage is an achievement one must attain in their lifetime by every means; sometimes by hook or crook. Marriage is great. No two ways. However, it is not an achievement. Wearing a ring is not a laurel!

Almost every weekend, I find my way to a friend’s wedding. Last December, there was one weekend I had to attend the wedding ceremonies of almost four friends at the same time. I love marriages. I love to see two love birds have the guts to make their relationship official; to stay together forever. However, marriage has never been an achievement to me. It is just one ordinary phase of life.

It’s great to walk down the aisle but it’s not something to live all your life for. Getting married is no feat. I’m yet to see anyone put up their married status as one of their achievements on their CV. Hence, don’t rush in because society is chasing you in.

When you regard marriage as an achievement, you rush in even when you are not ready. You’ll be in haste to compromise just to have society pleased.

I observe how uncomfortable many young women (and even men) get when society heaps these reminders on them. I know how “That’s why you are still single!” can sometimes be used as the last resort of an insult against them, at the least opportunity.

Truth is, many are marching to the altar every weekend not because they are ready… but because of public opinion. Others rush in for the sake of societal pressure while a lot more are doing same just to put their enemies to shame even if it means lowering their standards to get there. Little wonder there are as many weddings as divorces today.

Wait. When troubles start brewing because you weren’t emotionally prepared, where would these enemies so-called be? Where will society be? Maybe, they’ll just set up a table and party because you fell in their trap… and you almost can’t escape!

Listen. Your marriage is a personal decision… not public opinion.

Almost everyone wants to marry someday. Thus, if a sane adult is not married at a point in their lives, it goes without saying that they have a genuine reason. They have given it a thought severally but a genuine reason may be holding them back. Greeting them with a marriage reminder only hurts their conscience!

An unmarried adult who has never given marriage an iota of thought obviously never wants to get married. Reminding them is only an insult on their intelligence. Besides… who says everyone was made to marry anyway?

“When are you marrying?” is not a sound greeting. “You’ve everything and you’re still not married?” doesn’t seem like a compliment. If they indeed had everything, marriage would have been one of their possessions if it were a priority in their lives.

It shouldn’t take one forever to marry. However, one shouldn’t perceive marriage as an achievement that needs to be grabbed at all cost. The intention should always be right.

You can finish school ahead of your time. You can bag two degrees at the same time. However, life’s phases can’t be rushed through. Take your time and have the right intention always!

Am I some anti-marriage advocate? Not at all. Marriage is awesome. What’s more refreshing than having a spouse to make this world a better place with? Marriage is honorable. It is worth praying for. However, it should not be a yardstick to measure whether one’s life is/was well-lived. Wearing a ring should not be one’s only ambition in life.

Many marriages and divorces could have been prevented if we all entered with the right intentions. Marriage should be purposeful and it’s only when we discover this purpose that we would make all the achievements we have ever desired.

Marriage is a great union but that doesn’t make it an achievement. Marriage is desirable and that is why the reason(s) for entering should always be right. We can’t use our married status to spite others because marriage has never been an achievement in the first place. Everyone and anyone can marry and stay married!

We should dare our generation to dream big. Marriage should be one of those dreams but not their only dream. When they’re not able to marry someday, life should still move on.

I’ll be marrying sooner or later. However, when I do, it shouldn’t look as though I just went to space and back. Best wishes are fine. Don’t, however, congratulate me for something that can’t even enrich my CV. It’s not an achievement!

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By: Kobina Ansah (Playwright and Chief Scribe of Scribe Communications, an Accra-based writing company which provides all writing services)

The post I’ll be marrying soon but don’t congratulate me yet! [Article] appeared first on Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always.

Others reach the top not because the law of gravity was not existent but they defied all odds including gravity. When you see a man decorated with all sorts of achievements, it is not because his resistance was lesser but… his persistence was greater. A well-achieved man is a stubborn man― very stubborn.

When others give umpteen reasons why something can’t be done, the stubborn throw a challenge to themselves to get that same thing done. Where others see problems, the stubborn can only see solutions.

Do you know that Thomas Edison made a thousand (1000) unsuccessful attempts at trying to create the electric bulb until he finally hit the jackpot? William Golding’s hit literature, “Lord of the Flies”, was rejected twenty (20) times before it was finally published. J. K. Rowling’s bestseller “Harry Potter” can boast of similar rejections.

Sometimes, when we fail, the stubborn man inside of us is dared. When we fail, we challenge ourselves to do more.

When we give ourselves one more chance to try after we have failed, we give ourselves another chance to succeed. Failure is the same pathway that leads to success so if you encounter it, know that success is hanging around! Try once more!

All men who have risen beyond the ordinary to do something great for themselves and humanity had one trait running through their beings― the gene called stubbornness! They had the guts to persist a little more to try one more time after they had failed. While others are perturbed by failure, great men are inspired by the same failure. They stubbornly focus until they have arrived at their destination!

It’s only stubbornness that will dare one to leave their comfort zone to take on greater challenges. Only a stubborn man will continuously chase after a dream he has failed severally at. No matter the raging storms, stubbornness will always find a way. Stubbornness prioritizes its destination over everything.

I once read the story of how Donald Trump was featured in the hit movie, Home Alone. Apparently, the director had gone to shoot some parts of the movie in his hotel. He insisted he wanted to be one of his casts. The director resisted but he insisted that if he would be allowed, they’d not have to pay for using the facility. The more the director resisted, the more he insisted.

Eventually, the director gave in. Donald was featured in the movie. Little wonder his trait of stubbornness has led him everywhere, even earning him the highest political office in the US today. It pays to be stubborn― very stubborn. Resistance only gives in to persistence!

Our dreams will only come true if we will be a little stubborn. If we are willing to get up anytime we fall and try once again, success will soon smile at us. Failure will always test our persistence. No matter how many times life knocks our dreams down, we need to be stubborn enough to get up again.  We must never give up.

Unfortunately, many of us give up too easily. In the face of a few setbacks, we give up on our dreams. When our plans come tumbling down, we get exhausted. Listen. The trait that separates the great from the little is that the former is ruthlessly stubborn while the latter is not. Life has no memory of those who find every excuse to give up.

Carrying your dream to the end requires some unreasonable determination. Not everyone would understand you because stubbornness oftentimes doesn’t make sense. You may not have the support of the masses but you must know that nothing great was ever made out of public opinion. All you need is your own unapologetic opinion to move on whatever regardless.

If you want to be extraordinary, you must be ready to be stubborn. You must be prepared to make a vow to go all out― no sitting on the fence. You must be ready to face life boot for boot. Times without number, you would have to keep fighting even with the last of your strength. Stubbornness knows no excuse!

Success never came on a silver platter. The one at the top of the ladder faced the same (if not worse) challenges the one at the bottom faced when climbing. However, what distinguishes between them both is the yearning to stubbornly keep climbing despite the fear of falling.

Failure doesn’t mean “stop work”. It means “try again”. Failure is the experience we need to succeed. When you fail, you learn… and try again. When your dreams crash, you reassemble them… and try one more time. You don’t assemble and discard them. Stubbornness will give it one more try instead of discarding it into a bin.

Today, many great dreams have been flushed down life’s bin because those who carried such dreams were not patient enough― they were not stubborn enough. Stubborn people change the world. They set the standards for others to break. They literally run this world!

It doesn’t matter how many times you may have failed at something. If there’s any trait you would want to add up to your life this year, be stubborn― very stubborn― and don’t apologize for it.

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By: Kobina Ansah (Playwright and Chief Scribe of Scribe Communications – www.scribecommltd.com)

The post Be stubborn – very stubborn to achieve your dreams! [Article] appeared first on Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always.

Would anyone ever get ready for marriage? Of course yes. One needs to be prepared physically, financially, mentally and even spiritually. Even though marriage is not rocket science, it is not an alphabet recitation either. It is hard work. It is teamwork. Poor preparation has always been the best recipe for divorce.

Marriage is for the mature. It is not for those who can’t keep to the vows made on the altar. If keeping to a commitment is below you, marriage is just beyond you. Ideally, marriage is not a contract subject to your own terms and conditions. Thus, you don’t decide where or when to terminate it when such terms are not met.

I see many today in haste to walk down the aisle for many flimsy reasons and not because they found their Mr. or Mrs. Right; not because they are prepared for the journey ahead. Interesting thing is, they would spend eternity to prepare for a successful wedding yet give no hoot about what happens thereafter. Is it a surprise divorce rates are on the soar?

Love is like a fruit. When harvested unripe, it becomes waste. It can’t be enjoyed. When you rush into a life-long union you were never prepared for, you are very likely to ram into danger. When your reason(s) for marriage can’t even hold water, that union can’t even withhold fire!

We live in a society that amazingly has its own measurement of success. In a society where marriage validates one’s achievements, it is obvious there would be a mad rush to walk down the aisle to be counted as an achiever. Let me burst your bubble. Marriage is an honourable thing but it’s not an achievement. It is not good for a man (or woman) to be alone but that should not be your sole aim in life!

I have observed people helplessly want to satisfy society’s validation, thus, agree to even lower their values just to wear a ring. You see, every potential spouse is marriageable but not all of them are suitable. Every man (or woman) walking down the street can walk down the aisle with you but not all of them can keep walking down this path of life with you!

Half a loaf, they say, is better than. However, half a spouse is not better than none! Life should not push you to the limit where it is a MUST to be content with “just anything” that comes your way. You should not reach the height of life where you uncomfortably need to convince yourself at all cost that it is, at least, better to be married (to whoever regardless) than to be single.

Like I insisted, it’s a blessing to be ready early. It’s such a joy to be found by your Prince Charming, as a lady, early. The million dollar question is, “What if your case is different?” What if you’re not financially and emotionally stable early? Would you still need to play by the same rules as everyone? Of course no!

Back in high school, we had friends who left for the University before we did because they wrote remedial exams ahead of us. Well, they were very fortunate to be blessed not only with brains but with money, too. Some of us had to follow the ‘normal’ process. Others even entered tertiary institutions later than we did. It was all about time and chance. You take the chance when it’s your time.

It’s like marriage. Just because someone went ahead doesn’t mean we all MUST go ahead. Just because time and chance favored them early doesn’t necessarily mean we all may be favored same. It might be early but you just may not be ready!

Life favors us all differently. One is favored to have an early marriage. Another is favored to have probably an early business. So when someone spites you because they are married and you are not, remember you have what they don’t have, too. If what we have is only by time and chance, who are we to ridicule those who are not fortunate to have it?

I am not endorsing wasting your youth chasing after married spouses and then, later in life, hopping from one prophet to the other to charm a husband or wife from the heavens for you. I am not saying turn away all your suitors and wait for some all-perfect spouse to be created from clay just for your sake.

All I am saying is don’t bow to society’s pressure. Don’t be in haste to go nod to vows at the altar because all your friends are doing same. Don’t fret and be in a rush to wear a ring because you are assuming someone is your last bet. Marriage is like a baton race. How far you go depends on who you’re going with!

Even when you see all the warning signs beeping, don’t hasten down the road of marriage just because of some flimsy reason of age. Indeed, no one would want to give birth to “pension babies” but begetting “tension babies” to whom you can’t give the best of care is not the way to go either.

Society will, at one end, coerce you to enter because of whatever reason and, at another end, ridicule you if you dare divorce. Society will force you into taking decisions against your will even at the peril of your life yet will mock your corpse when those decisions strangle you to death.

Hasten not for a half spouse because it is early. Marry because you’re ready… not early. If you’re ready early, like me, why not!? But guess what. I’m not married. Readiness is relative. Haha.

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By: Kobina Ansah (playwright and Chief Scribe of Scribe Communications). His upcoming play is TRIBELESS.

The post Half a spouse is not better than none! [Article] appeared first on Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always.