They said the boy grabbed a gun on Saturday afternoon after his sister would not give up the controller.

He allegedly shot her from behind, and the bullet entered her brain.

A local sheriff announced on Sunday that the teen had died of her injuries in a Memphis hospital. It was unclear how the boy obtained the gun.

It is also unclear what consequences the nine-year-old will face.

“I assume he’s seen this on video games or TV. I don’t know if he knew exactly what this would do. I can’t answer that. I do know it’s a tragedy.”

The children’s mother was in another room, feeding other children lunch at the time of the incident.

Police are still investigating the circumstances of the shooting, including how the weapon – a .25 calibre handgun – was accessed.

“This is all new ground for us, we’ve never dealt with a kid shooting a kid at age nine,” Sheriff Cantrell told local press.

–

Source: BBC

The post Mississippi: 9-year-old boy kills sister over video game appeared first on Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always.

Sometimes, the behaviors that seem the most innocent on the surface can actually be deeply abusive. For example, acting like your partner is not causing you any hurt or anger (not being responsive) when you consciously know you’re withholding yourself (as well as withholding the truth).

Staying together with a partner you don’t care about and are not loyal to for the sake of enjoying a mutually comfortable lifestyle. Furthermore, getting into a codependent relationship so that you can milk the other person for your own perceived benefits. These are all potentially abusive behaviors and it’s a lot to discuss and go through. So, I reserve the topic of abuse and conversation for another time, where I can thoroughly explore the issues surrounding abuse.

Although it is rare, a cheater can change. I don’t think it is the rule that cheaters will change their ways. I think many cheaters probably remain that way for a long time. Yet I believe that there are exceptions, so whilst from one perspective, I believe you should never tolerate cheating, it’s not that black and white. Every situation is different, and whether cheating should be tolerated or worked through and understood by both parties or not, depends on what happened, as well as the real, unadulterated reasons why the cheater cheated in the first place.

Sometimes people cheat because they perceive that they cannot experience dark and light energy with their partner, or that they cannot experience the full range of sexual variety with that partner because their relationship is boring or restrictive. That is an example where a cheater could change — when their needs are met and when they get what they perceive as highly valuable in a relationship. And if they are willing to also take responsibility for their behavior.

Some people cheat because they can, or because they’re not very emotionally connected people (they treat any relationship as a place they go to take), and they are unafraid of the consequences of cheating, or because they’re addicted to the experience. Those cheaters may never change without intense, permanent alterations to their environment, and peer group.

Now we’re ready to start on the 6 behaviors you should never tolerate in a man.

1: A man who doesn’t value connection in a relationship

Hopefully not. But it does happen, and that’s not wrong. It’s just not ideal for building emotional attraction and emotional connection.

Why do we have a relationship again?

Hopefully, to connect. I know this is not always the case. In fact, many people have “relationships” to take, take, and strip what they can from the other person. That’s not a relationship though. That is, I don’t know…what would you call it? Abuse.

Go to a man who wants to connect. Now, I want to be clear: I don’t mean to say: go to a man who is willing to call you more often. How often a man calls you is not a reliable indicator of whether he values connection or not. His choices in life and his behavior when you are together is a more reliable indicator, coupled with how connected it makes you feel to be with him.

This is a hard one. Because, sometimes, if one doesn’t value connection themselves, they may not ever notice whether a man they are dating values connection or not. Because they are not connected themselves!
So what do we need to do?

We need to zoom out and look at this person objectively. Ask yourself: does what this man does day to day, reflect a man who values connection with me? Or does it more so reflect the actions of somebody who is looking for approval, validation, or novelty? Does this man’s actions, choices, and decisions reflect a desire to value the relationship with ME, and value what we have together? Or do his actions reflect that his first valued thing is work, or sexual variety, or comfort, or being right?

Remember, zoom out.

Hover above him in an airplane and consider objectively — without any emotions attached — what does this man value? Does he value connection? Does he know the importance and the irreplaceable connection with one important person, like me? Or other individual family members?

Tolerating a man being horrible to you is no more horrible than him tolerating you being horrible to him. Why? Because we all deserve (and need) feedback and responses from other humans in order to function healthily.

A woman not regulated by a smart man is potentially dangerous to society and dangerous to herself. Very much the same as a man not receiving feedback from a woman can be dangerous to society…proceeding to hurt lots of other people, without consequences because, well, nobody cares to give those consequences.

We’re not talking about punishment here. I’m not saying that a man should punish you for being horrible, or being a user. I’m saying that you are a human and you deserve to be taught how to treat others right.

DISCLAIMER: Please differentiate between a man criticizing your behavior and a man giving you supportive, loving feedback, or simply just having good moral boundaries (which is a positive thing for him to have). I don’t want you to think that him giving you criticism to feel superior to you means he is doing you any good. He may not be.

A man who desires your approval will compromise himself as a man. What a sad and small way to live. Don’t tolerate it.

A man who values his safety and his bubble will perhaps never demand anything more from you, but instead will just try to please you. And do you really want that in your life?

I know this may seem like a strange thing to not tolerate. But I believe it is something you should never tolerate. Why? Because it will lead you to a mediocre quality of life! If a man wants to stay small or keep you small, then he won’t mind you treating him badly. And he won’t make you stop treating others badly, either.

Choose a man who won’t allow you to do anything stupid because he wants more for you in this life. He demands more from you. To hell with his comfort! Who cares about that? Humans are made to grow in spirit. You and your man should care about each other’s morals. You should both also have standards for the way you treat yourself and others.

3: Bad hygiene

Obviously, someone who is too good to do anything about their lack of hygiene could potentially mean you experiencing unnecessary symptoms of illness, and that is not something you want to tolerate or live with.

4: He takes no responsibility for his decisions and action

I don’t know about you but I’m over people who just don’t care. I used to want to try to be close to people who would blame me or avoid taking responsibility for their decisions, but I realized that just because I care to connect with them, does not mean that they cared about connecting with me. They may just want to take what they can from me. Some people really do have long-standing habits of being defensive and cold or even uncaring.

Sound familiar?

Sure, perhaps we could have behaved better, but if somebody truly believes what they are saying when they say, “If you would not do that, then I wouldn’t need to act like this/hurt you/punish you/degrade you” — then see ya later!

We all have a responsibility to try to take responsibility for our actions. If one is not even willing to entertain that idea, and they place all the blame on you, then they are not the right person for you.

Sometimes, people cannot handle the fact that they hurt you. Sometimes, people cannot handle the truth if it means acknowledging that they played a large part in something bad that happened.

Yes, there are times where one party in the relationship has more responsibility than the other: like a parent-child relationship. Calling the child a ‘problem child,’ for example, is not good enough. The parent has a responsibility to love and influence their child or deal with the consequences. The child is just a child: You cannot place equal blame on them until they are at the right level of maturity or understanding.

That’s not the ideal to aim for unless you have very little trust in the relationship and are still in the stages of building a foundation of trust. Then a 50/50 equal playing ground is sort of ok as a rule to go by. However, don’t cling to that 50/50 as an immovable rule, because the ultimate ideal to aim for is this:

Whoever comes to their senses first, takes responsibility. Don’t wait, unless you guys have very little trust established in the relationship. Whoever comes to their senses first, takes responsibility in the moment.

And if that person is always, consistently, you and he never does the same practice of taking responsibility, then don’t tolerate him.

For example, if you guys have an argument where you both hurled insults at each other, and you are consistently apologizing and he never even acknowledges that his words hurt you — then think about that. Do you want that long-term?

Why would I recommend that whoever comes to their senses first takes responsibility?

Because freedom.

Because leadership.

By being a leader, you have way more power in your relationships.

By being a courageous leader, you are able to observe much quicker over a period of time, whether this man is willing to step up to the plate, and is humble enough to be inspired by your loving actions or not. (Some men will run and hide when exposed to someone who has confidence and takes responsibility)

And when you acted the part of a leader, you get to keep your pride and dignity and possibly, even your self-confidence.

5: A man who shows no agreeableness

Agreeableness is when someone displays behaviors that can be described as kind, sympathetic, cooperative, warm and considerate.

Has he ever been kind? Has he ever been warm? I ask specifically if he has ever been warm because one can act kind or caring on the surface, but little warmth accompanies their actions. Don’t kid yourself. Just because someone seems caring or considerate (perhaps if there are not many people being caring or considerate in your life right now), any surface caring action can make that person seem like a saint.

Don’t kid yourself. Does this man display warmth? Has he ever displayed any warmth towards you, or animals or towards anyone else? Do you feel like he cares for you, or for any other person related to him? Has he ever proven to be sympathetic or considerate of your situation? Or your feelings?

A man who scores low in agreeableness is more likely to have a personality that falls in what is known as the dark triad. The dark triad encompasses narcissists, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. Men whose personality falls within the dark triad are also more likely to stalk (in case you were wondering).

Important: Most of us are able to actively switch from being cold or nonchalant to those whom we don’t trust and don’t want to get involved with to warm and loving and compassionate towards someone that we do love. I think the key is to look at how warm the man can be towards not just you, but towards his mother, his father, his pets, his children (if he has children), and his competitors.

Sometimes a cold person can be rehabilitated with new long-term love, compassion and with new intense experiences and stimuli to change how their brain is wired. I am no scientist. That’s just what I believe.
But do you want to be the one to rehabilitate him?

6: He has no real passions or masculine missions

Repetitive patterns of anger is not necessarily a sign of passion. Resentment is also not a passion. Learn to appreciate the difference between anger and a real passion.

Yes, anger can be a sign of passion, but not if the anger is done just to give himself an easy but fake feeling of superiority.

Anger IS passion when it comes from a belief in practicing basic morals.

Anger IS passion when it is expressed to show that you are hurting him.

Anger is passion if it is demanding truth.

Anger is passion when it is connected to his passion or mission.

Anger is passion if you’re angry because you truly want better for the other person or your family.

Always look and see if a man has a track record of losing his temper regularly, as a way of avoiding the truth, as a way of not letting you get through to them, or as a way of manipulating you. Those are something you should really think about seriously before tolerating.

Sometimes men have anger as a way of coping.

Sometimes a man uses anger because he has no other decent way to cope with life — and you probably shouldn’t just leave him without further thought, because that may not be his fault. You really need to take the time to consider carefully, whether you being kind by reassuring him when he is angry, or being loving when he is angry, or giving your feminine healing energy when he is angry, would drastically help or not.

Sometimes, all our attempts to give ourselves emotionally as a gift can be blocked out or ignored. These are the cases where you should not tolerate any further. Some people are too far gone to be responsive to your efforts to give your loving feminine energy.

We all develop less than good ways of coping with life at times. You can help him see that it is a coping mechanism and let him know that you love him as he is and that everything will be ok.

We are not perfect. None of us will ever be.

Most men would probably be responsive to your loving attempts when they are angry. And if he responds regularly and he is getting less defensive over time, or his patterns of anger are getting less over time, and even surviving the challenges of tests in unfamiliar environments and novel events, then you can keep going in that relationship until you decide you are done.

However, remember that any man you meet probably has decades of practicing a particular pattern of behaving. Any man you get involved with already has decades of patterns of dealing with difficult emotions. You can try to help or change, with the caveat that NOBODY makes a lasting change without a drastic change in their peer group and environment, and without you and others not tolerating a particular behavior in him.

A man whose anger patterns are something he wants to keep is not to be tolerated.

A man whose anger patterns were developed to make others wrong and himself right, without ever saying sorry or considering the other person’s perspective, may be very painful to tolerate for the rest of your life.

Anger versus passions: I believe that real passions are things you are willing to put an effort in to. Things that you would sacrifice other things for. Passions are things that you care deeply for. Passions are things that you go through great discomfort to pursue and achieve. Passions are beliefs that you would die on the cross for. Passions scream at us to give something to the world. To create and express ourselves.

Without this passion, then over time, your relationship will lose attraction and passion. You may lose respect for him.

What does it mean to not “tolerate” a behavior in a man?

Let’s be clear on the word ‘tolerate’. What does it mean to not tolerate the above 6 behaviors in a man? It doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to leave him right now. I didn’t write this so that you could immediately leave your boyfriend. Unless of course, you had already mostly made up your mind and this article just helped steer you towards the best decision.

You might need some time to think carefully. To observe him objectively (not with emotion, as it is hard to observe correctly when you are caught up in a relationship).

It might mean conducting more research. It might mean asking other people who know him what they think. Do they trust him? Is he warm? What happened in his past relationships? It might mean studying his Facebook posts and thinking about what impression his posts give to the average human being observing from another computer.

Either way, it means to not allow such behavior to continue existing in your relationship. It means to have values and rules for the right reasons. And it means to stick to those values because you value your time which is finite. It means that you value your energy, which is also finite. You don’t have forever to fart around with someone who repeatedly proves over a long time to be unfit for a relationship.

A relationship with the wrong person can teach you valuable things, but only if you pause long enough to feel what it has taught you.

Of course, remember that I am just some person (although I care). Always use your own gut instinct. Always check in with your heart, not your head. And feel for how much you trust a man. Your body was inherited through millions of years of selection — millions of women before you have given you reasonably accurate feelings about men and how good or bad intentioned they are.

So, don’t ignore what your gut knows. Be honest with yourself. Are you desperate? Are you feeling extremely lonely?

If you are in a very lonely situation, then you will be more targeted by bad natured men, and less accurate in your gut responses because you want something for yourself and (there’s nothing wrong with that) however, your desperation to gain something can overshadow the truth.

–

Source: Your Tango

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We all want more happiness in all aspects of our life. We want happiness at work, happiness at home and we especially want happiness in a relationship. This latter one is tough, because we’re not all able to separate the good guys from the downright wrong ones. And so we enter into a relationship with a man who begins to make us feel kinda miserable. Dating can be hard at times. Just when we think we’re clicking with a guy, he begins to show his true colours. Hmm, why couldn’t he have shown them earlier? He probably did, but you probably weren’t able to read or see the signs. To help you out, let’s take a look at the 10 types of guys to avoid, if you want a happy relationship.

The Clingy Type

Who likes a clingy man? Few, if any of us. The clingy type should be easy to spot straight away, but most girls make the mistake of giving him a few extra chances to relax and become less clingy. Unfortunately, Mr Clingy usually doesn’t take those chances. He continues to berate you via text, wondering where you are and why you haven’t texted back yet. He frowns when you tell him you’re hanging out with the girls tonight and therefore can’t see him. What does this mean? It means he’s got insecurity issues and doesn’t trust you. He’s worried you might have lost interest in him, might be talking to some other guys and so on. And this kind of thing won’t make for a healthy relationship because, guess what? No matter what you tell him, he won’t be reassured. He might be reassured for a few moments but it won’t last.

The Low Key Man

What’s a low key man? It’s a guy who shows you how much he loves you when it’s just the two of you, but who goes pretty quiet, when you’re with other people. In other words, he doesn’t seem too proud to call you his. Skip this one.

Mr Negative

This is another one of common types of guys to avoid. Negative people are harmful because they infect us. If you get into a relationship with an eternal pessimist who sees only the bad in the world and in people, you could try to change him, but it’s a much better idea to cut your losses and find someone who actually smiles.

The Player Type 

Perhaps opposite to the clinger is the player. Just like you don’t want to date a clinger who can’t get you out of his mind, you also don’t want to date a player who’s got you and other girls in his mind. The player is the cool, good-looking guy who can be really sweet, funny and charming. There’s nothing inherently wrong with him in the sense that he’s just looking for a good time. Hey, that’s his intention. The problems start to arise, however, when you date him and believe you can change him. You can’t. Usually the rule is that once a player is a player, that’s all there is to it. He’s not going to change for you or anyone else. He might make you feel special and sweet but he makes all his girls feel the same way.

The Excuse Maker

Oh, he wanted to see you but something came up?

No. Just no.

The Flake

One minute he loves you and then the next he disappears for days at a time. Is this really fun? Is this what some girls like? No girl happens to like this sort of behaviour from a guy, but some of us stick around it for too long. If he’s flaky and can’t make up his mind about you, make his mind up for him and walk out.

The Commitment-Phobe

The commitment-phobe is usually a great guy. He treats you well, makes you feel loved and you genuinely feel as though you could have a long-lasting relationship with him. The problem is that you’re not sure he feels the same. He’s cool until you start talking about the future, at which point he backs off or changes the subject. You know there’s no one else in his life at the moment but, for one reason or another, he can’t bring himself to commit to you. There are certain guys that are really stubborn when it comes to commitment. They might even do all the chasing at first and they might seem really into us, but eventually they’ll get scared. And then they’ll back off.

The Angry Man

If you’ve already witnessed his anger, don’t stick around to witness even more. Move on fast.

The Cheat

Surely it goes without saying that we shouldn’t date a love cheat? Well, if it did then we would’t be here saying it! For one reason or another, some girls like to give cheats a second chance. We know they’ve cheated on their lover in the past but they seem SO nice.

So nice, in fact, that they surely wouldn’t cheat on us, too?

At Beauty and Tips, we’re big fans of giving people a second chance, but where cheaters are concerned, well, the old adage that a leopard never changes its spots springs to mind.

The Lazy Man

If your man is lazy, unmotivated and has no ambitions, guess what? That’s probably not going to change anytime soon, especially if he’s already entered his 30’s. Sure, it’s unfair of us to expect men to have it all figured out but we want some kind of plan from them, as well as some passion, desire and motivation. If a guy has zero dreams and goals, he’s only going to bring you down with him with his pessimistic outlook. Avoid.

Do you have other tips on types of guys to avoid?

–

Source: Beauty and Tips

The post Ten types of guys you have to avoid if you want a happy relationship appeared first on Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always.

Relationships can be tricky to navigate. There’s no official “Relationship Guidebook” (sadly), which means that we’re on our own. This can cause relationship anxiety and the questions are endless: Should we have said that? What does it mean when he does that? Are we supposed to ask if we’re even in a relationship? Once the so-called honeymoon of a period has passed and the two of you are well-established, you’d think that things would settle down and the questions would stop. However, this is only just getting started. Let’s take a look at 10 healthy relationship rules you should never break.

Being kind

There are days when we might not feel like being kind. Hey, we’re having a bit of a nightmare and we just want to shut the world off. However, being kind doesn’t really take any effort. Moreover, it will also have a positive rebound effect by making you feel good, too.

It’s important that kindness becomes so ingrained in your relationship that it becomes second nature. Eventually, it should get to a point where you don’t stop to think about making them a cup of coffee in the morning but instead you just do it because this is what the two of you do for each other. Be nice to each other, even when you’re having a bad day or they’ve done something to irritate you.

Don’t argue to win

The two of you WILL fight. It’s inevitable. However, what’s important is that you establish a relationship rule as soon as possible: Don’t fight to win.

If you go into each argument with the mentality that you HAVE to win each time, it’s going to cause a lot of damage, resentment and it will fuel further fights. Instead, you should adopt the attitude that a fight is just a means to the two of you finding a satisfying resolution that can take your relationship forward. Sometimes, this will mean you admitting you were wrong even when you know you weren’t. But hey, it’s just something you have to do.

Don’t change them

Changing our partner doesn’t work so it isn’t worth the time. Moreover, it creates tension and makes them feel bad. Let it go. Find compromises and learn to love them for who they are.

Love yourself

It’s very hard to love someone else when we don’t love ourselves first. When you first got into a relationship with your partner, there’s a very good chance you loved yourself first. Loving ourselves makes it easier for others to love us back. However, if you break this rule and fall out of love with yourself it can be really hard for a relationship to thrive.

Why? We get out of the universe what we put into it. If you loathe yourself more than you love yourself, it will start to show through a loss of confidence, a loss of respect and more. At this point, a relationship can be severely tested.

Stay loyal

This one goes without saying, but while we all know that we shouldn’t cheat physically, not all of us are aware of the impacts of cheating emotionally. In many ways, an emotional affair is more damaging than a physical one. When you get together with your partner, you’re essentially saying you will tell them everything and not go behind their backs. Stay loyal to them, both physically and emotionally. If you find yourself seeking something on an emotional level with someone else, you’re breaking a huge relationship rule that can create an irreversible rupture.

Always forgive

If your partner does something that’s truly unforgivable, there’s only one thing to do – move on from this relationship. For everything else, it’s important that you forgive and forget. Holding grudges destabilises a relationship. If you keep bringing up something they did years later, your relationship will struggle to be a happy one.

Be honest

There’s a line in the film Comet that says all relationships start out with a lie. It sounds pretty cynical, but once we settle down with someone there’s an unspoken rule that we’re going to be honest with each other from now on. Honesty is what builds trust and trust is super important for any relationship. Without trust, the entire fabric that a relationship is built on can fall apart. If you find yourself slipping and telling lies, shake yourself out of it. One lie makes it easier to tell a second, third and fourth. Before you know it, you’re no longer the person your partner thinks you are.

Say what’s on your mind

If one day you decide not to say what’s on your mind, it’s a slippery slope. Telling yourself “it’s okay if I let this one slide,” might sound like a good idea at the time but it can come back to bite you in the bum at a later date. Communication is key in any relationship and it’s important that you talk to your partner if something is on your mind. Otherwise, even the small issues can fester and grow into total resentment. And it’s at that point that a relationship really begins to deteriorate.

Don’t offer ultimatums

Ever found yourself close to saying “it’s me or your friends” to your partner? If so, it’s good that you’ve so far resisted from actually coming out with it. And it’s important that you never come out with such an ultimatum. Ultimatums like this need to be avoided. Making your partner choose between you and their friends is unhealthy and can spoil a good thing. The best thing to do is to find a compromise.

Always Say Sorry

Lastly, if you made a mistake, own up to it. Take responsibility and apologise immediately. If you don’t, you’ll struggle to find solutions in the future and it can create massive discord in your relationship.

What are your thoughts on healthy relationship rules?

–

Source: Beauty and Tips

The post Ten healthy relationships you should never break appeared first on Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always.

It is not better or worse, it does not mean more or mean less, it just shows that men all express their affection in their own ways (as do women, of course).

So, even if your guy isn’t telling you how he feels, here are some ways he might show you.

He brings you around his friends 

Or family. Or whoever is closest to him. When a man starts to make you part of the important things in his life, it is a good sign that he is serious about you. He wants others to experience the happiness that you bring to his life (and maybe show you off a little bit – in a good way because he is proud to be with you).

He stays close to you physically 

It could be keeping his arm around you, hugging you randomly, or cuddling up on the couch – a man who truly cares and enjoys your company will always want to be in close proximity to you. Physical contact, even when ‘innocent,’ sends non-verbal messages that are worth paying attention to.

He really listens to you 

One of the major things that men often get accused of is being terrible listeners. Whether we don’t remember that it was your friend’s birthday this weekend, or which scented candle was your favorite one at the store – the small details matter most. A man who really cares for you will listen intently and do his best to absorb all of the details that he can. It is his way of showing you that he values you and what you have to say.

He is all smiles after you kiss 

You know, that feeling…

He stays in touch with you just because 

Two people who genuinely enjoy each other’s company don’t need a reason to talk to each other. If he texts or calls you just to say hello, to see how your day is going, or to say good morning and goodnight, it is a clear sign that he thinks about you often and wants you to know it.

He doesn’t care what you do as long as you’re together 

Oh, you have to go grocery shopping today or go out and get things for your party this weekend? Count him in. For the man who wants to spend as much time with you as he can, it’s not just going to be on date night or when you are intimate together. A meaningful relationship is just as much about sharing in everyday things together, as it is about the exciting things.

He mirrors your behaviour and body language 

While some of us recognize this as an effective form of communication as well as a method to make someone more comfortable around us, many people will just become so in-tune with the person they are with that they subconsciously start duplicating gestures, positions, or postures. If you find him touching your arm after you touch his, uncrossing his legs after you uncross yours, or leaning in to you during conversation after you lean in to him – it shows he is paying close attention to you, whether he realizes it or not.

He puts thought into the gifts he gives you 

While, obviously, special occasions are not the only time that a man (or woman) should do something special for you, they are more traditional in the sense that it is an opportunity to slow our lives down and show somebody how much we appreciate them. Whether it is a gift you have wanted or an experience you have desired to partake in – a man who really cares about you will not just pick up a stuffed animal and some flowers at the store. He will do something special that is clearly specifically for you.

He compromises 

No great relationship was ever built on the foundation of “what’s in it for me?” A man who is just playing the field will have no reason to sacrifice his own self-interest for somebody…unless he feels something deeper for them. When we begin to develop love for someone, we want to see them happy, even if that means putting our own self-interests aside for the sake of theirs. Her happiness becomes our happiness.

This is not to say he will become a doormat – there is a big difference between compromise and sacrifice. It goes both ways.

He will go pick your dry cleaning 

Or whatever it is that you don’t have time to do yourself. He will put in the effort to help you out in order to make your life easier, just because. A man who is not serious about you will not be around often enough, nor willing enough, to do these things.

He will ask for your advice 

If a man asks you for your advice on a decision he is trying to make or a situation that he is in, it means he values your opinion enough to take you seriously and actually use it as a guiding light in his own life. If a man values your thoughts, it means he values you.

He always makes you feel safe 

Men are naturally protective. Millions of years of biological evolution has brought us to the point where we naturally want to protect those we love, whether they need it or not. It could mean protecting you from getting hurt emotionally or physically, but protecting nonetheless.

A man who loves and cares for you will make you feel safe. He will never make you question whether or not he will be there for you in a time of need. He will stand by your side when he must, in front of you when he must, and behind you when he must. He will be your teammate through life.

A man who loves you will make you feel it in his own ways. When he really cares, you will know it – if he doesn’t, you will be wondering all the time if he does.

–

Source: Jamesmsama.com

The post 12 ways men show that they are truly in love with a woman appeared first on Citi 97.3 FM - Relevant Radio. Always.

In the beginning of an intimate relationship, new partners strive to give it all they can. They want to love deeply, give from their hearts, and for their partners to express themselves similarly in return. They are very careful to practice those behaviors that keep their lovers close and intimacy strong.

There are six common behaviors that damage loving relationships if they continue. The struggling partners I work with often slip into these destructive patterns without even realizing it. Had they known about them earlier, they could have stopped the damage that resulted and saved the intimacy in their relationship.

Identifying and recognizing these six behaviors is the first step to healing, but it is only the beginning.

Here are 6 ways you and your partner could be ruining the intimacy in your relationship:

1. You’re increasingly distant and keep pulling further away.

Remember that man who couldn’t get enough of you? He dropped everything when you needed him and turned his attention to you immediately.

Nothing else took precedence over your desires, no matter how small. He kept a list in his mind of anything that was important to you and made sure it was available even before you remembered yourself.

He tells you that he feels terrible when he forgets an important date, and you are supportive. Yet, those times you don’t feel central to his life anymore are increasing. You don’t want to seem needy, but you’re feeling more and more neglected and sometimes ignored completely.

Where is that guy who put you first no matter what? He tells you that he still loves you, but he’s just not available the way he was. You can’t pretend anymore. He is definitely more disconnected.

That amazing, compassionate woman you fell in love with now seems like someone you can’t please anymore. You try to talk to her about things you’re upset about, and she responds by telling you that you’re being too reactive, or preaches about what you could have done differently.

When you try to get her in the present, to care and to listen, she flips it and tells you that you’re in the wrong for wanting what you want. It seems that you can’t do anything right anymore.

She finds fault where she used to give support, and then challenges your responses by telling you that you’re being oversensitive. When you ask for something you need, she tells you that you’re in arrears because you’re not giving her what she needs first.

When you ask her what’s wrong, she says it’s nothing and accuses you of being overly concerned. When she wants you, she is very seductive and engaging, but it’s less and less often, and you definitely do not like the direction this is taking.

3. You’re using intimidation and domination to get your way.

He was so exciting when you first connected — a really take-charge guy who could handle anything that came his way. He was protective of you and so confident. The best of testosterone in abundance, he swept you off your feet.

You, of course, completely adored and supported the way he felt and acted. Yes, he probably didn’t take any prisoners when challenged, but you saw that as a plus. No one could defeat him or get in his way, and he did it all with a charming edge.

If ever a woman wanted a knight in shining armor, it was him… until he made you his opponent.

After the honeymoon waned a bit, you realized that you didn’t always agree with him and sometimes wanted or thought something that he didn’t like. If anything didn’t work the way it should, there was only one good guy, and it wasn’t likely you.

It was great when you were on the same team, but as an enemy… he’s merciless. On top of everything else, he sees nothing wrong with his behavior and fully expects that you’ll still love him the same way when it’s time for sex.

4. One of you is being secretive about your true feelings.

She had a lot of relationships before she decided you were the one, and she was very convincing when she agreed she was yours forever. Lately, though, she’s telling you some half-truths that don’t always add up.

Where she was so transparent and offering of herself before, now she avoids some of your questions and gives you answers that leave you wondering.

She’s still very warm and sexually available, so maybe you shouldn’t raise unnecessary concern, but there’s this nagging voice in you that wonders if you’re missing something. You keep trying to put the pieces together in a way that feels more secure and puts your doubts out of your mind, but you also aren’t a fool.

She adamantly denies any wrong-doing, but you’re wary. Maybe people can change. When you gently ask her if she’s bored with you or the relationship, she swears that nothing has changed. It’s her intense voice that seems a little defensive.

5. You’re not sharing anything new with your partner.

At the beginning of your relationship, you couldn’t say anything that he didn’t find fascinating. You were pretty hyped at his great sense of humor, his innovative ways of looking at things, and his amazing intuition.

You stayed up all night, talking endlessly when you weren’t making love. There was never a moment in which you weren’t transfixed by his way of looking at the world and it seemed as if it would last forever. You lived in a mutual world of constant discovery.

You remember the first night he told you the same joke. It seemed a little odd that he didn’t notice your laugh was a little strained. As time went by, he did and said so much you’d heard before.

As the repeated stories became increasingly stale, you tried hard to find reasons to excuse them. Maybe it was just career battle fatigue or secure familiarity that made him stop trying to keep you interested and challenged. You even playfully tried to help him see that he was getting a little too predictable, but it didn’t seem to help.

Then you find yourself more interested in what other people are saying, particularly when they are in the process of challenge and new experiences. Armed with new motivation, you start bringing in your own excitement about transformation and attempt to get him to join you in looking differently at the world.

He acknowledges that you are happier exploring new options, but says he’s really fine the way he is.

6. You’ve abandoned your shared memories

When times were a little hard in your past, she would always remind you how important it was to hold on to the things you loved about each other and the great memories from the past. She would make you focus on the delicious moment when you first chose each other, and share those feelings as if they were happening in the moment.

Once, when there wasn’t enough money in your mutual bank account, she found that special book you loved as a child. You’ll never forget her funny, squeaky laugh when she found the puppy in the middle of the bed that you’d seen at the pound.

She knew you didn’t have a mom to nurse you when you were sick as a kid. At the slightest mention that something was not quite right, she’d immediately take care of you no matter what she had to let go of to do so.

She always made you feel that everything would be okay, even when the situation seemed irresolvable. Now, she doesn’t seem to want to go there anymore.

She’s only focused on what’s missing and why the future isn’t brighter. No matter what you do to lighten the moment, or to bring back nostalgia, she is all about the practical, how to just fix what’s wrong, and then get on with it.

You often find yourself alone in your sweet memories and unable to get her to experience them with you anymore. You still love each other enough but wonder how you’ll keep regenerating when things don’t go as planned if you can’t hold on to what was once sacred.

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Source: Beauty and Tips

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But no matter how you both grow, there are several things that you can do in your relationship to make your love one that will last and be able to withstand anything!

You love your partner and want to be happy with them in your life. And while it sounds like something that will come naturally, there are always times that your love, devotion, and dedication will be tried.

So if you want to get the most out of your relationship, then you’re going to need to actively work toward that happiness.

For some couples, this is easy and appears effortless. But the majority of relationships will require hard work and dedication in an effort to keep things fresh and to make sure that the love between the both of you never fades or grows weary. Or that if it does, you can bring it back on track, too.

But how can you accomplish this? And are there tips and tricks that you can use to make it easy and fun?

We asked some of our YourTango Experts to share their best advice for creating happy, long-lasting relationships.

Here are four ways to build a love that lasts with your partner:

1. Don’t sweat the small stuff

“Lasting love requires a mindful focus on our partner’s positive qualities,” explains relationship counselor Jan Caniff. “Make a list of all the things you love about your partner when you are feeling close and memorize them. When life gets difficult or your partner isn’t his best self (even though he is basically a good person), remember your list and try not to be swept away with negative critical thoughts that beget more critical thoughts. Purposefully cherish, accept, and hold in kindness, the human fragility of your loved one.”

Your partner is a human. They’re gonna mess up and make mistakes from time to time. It’s important that you keep in mind all the wonderful parts of their personality so that even when you’re upset with them, the negatives won’t outweigh the positives.

Jan Canniff LMHC NCC is a certified Gottman method relationship counselor and psychotherapist with thirty years’ experience helping individuals and couples successfully reach their goals. Jan recently closed her active private practice and moved to an island where she is pondering life, writing articles and offering presentations on couples’ dynamics.

2. Focus on the now to create a better future

“Don’t try to make your love last a lifetime. Instead, build your forever one day at a time,” suggests author Kawtar El Alaoui.

“It sounds counter-intuitive, but for many, the pressure of focusing on forever takes away from the joy and freedom of being in a happy and loving partnership. Instead of worrying about a lifetime, use your energy to create the most nurturing and connected relationship for both partners, and you’ll never want to leave.”

“Focus your mutual commitment on being present to your partner in the moment, and being an empowering force in each other’s lives. Create a relationship you would say yes to each day, and forever will be a natural by-product.”

If you’re constantly worried about what things are going to be like in the future, then you’re going to miss the most exciting parts of the present that will make your future even better! Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither is your relationship. Make sure that you’re staying present with your partner and working together day by day to create something beautiful.

Kawtar El Alaoui is a personal, leadership, and social change agent whose articles were published in Women’s News Korea. She supports both men and women in living authentically and creating happy and healthy relationships. Find out more about her work on Empower From Within.

3. Show your appreciation for your partner regularly

“Love is the blanket that keeps you warm, the soft padding that gives comfort from the hard surfaces of life, the cover that shields you from the glaring sun and the bitter cold. Like a blanket, if you pick at a loose thread, work your finger into a small hole, stretch it beyond its limits, it can fall apart,” explains spiritual director Margaret Herrick.

“Develop a practice of appreciation: the caress of its soft texture, the stimulation of its vibrant color, the comfort of the protection you feel. Be grateful for the gifts. Don’t pick on the flaws. Then, the blanket of love will last a lifetime.”

Kindness and appreciation for your partner will go a long way in ensuring that they feel recognized and loved. And the more you appreciate them, the more loved and wanted they will feel, and they will be grateful to do things for and with you since they know how much it means to you. Kindness is a circle that keeps coming around!

Margaret Herrick is a spiritual director, philanthropist supporting social impact investing, and a Focusing trainer, whose writing has appeared on sites like The Focusing Folio and Diamond Dust. You can follow Margaret on LinkedIn.

4. Make sure your partner feels understood

“A lot of couples get that they need to learn how to share their feelings and listen to each other if their relationship and their love is going to last. But how to do that in a way that doesn’t trigger each other into flight, fight, or freeze is the hard part,” shares relationship coach Veronica Monet.

“I teach couples to always appreciate and validate their partner’s feelings and requests BEFORE saying no to what they are asking for or proposing an alternative. It’s amazing how that one little hack will open hearts and create emotional safety for both of you, and that open-hearted connection and emotional safety is what makes love last!”

Remember that you need to try and see things from your partner’s perspective. This will help when it feels like all you want to do is scream at them. Take a minute, slow your breathing, and try to really see things from their point of view. It will diffuse the situation and make both of you feel heard and understood!

Veronica Monet, ACS is an internationally acclaimed sexual empowerment change agent and relationship coach. CNN, FOX, Politically Incorrect, Yale, Stanford and UC Berkeley are just a few of the numerous news and educational institutions that have hosted Veronica for her forward-thinking insights and expertise. Veronica invites you to her Shame Free Zone to discover her game-changing Exquisite Partnership Formula designed to turn conflict into connection and sex that gets better with each passing year.

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Source: Your Tango

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1. They’re intimidating

Some guys don’t know how to handle intimidating women, let alone date them. There’s something about them that lead these guys to believe that they’re either bitchy or more intense than they really are. If you ask me, guys like that are just afraid and would rather have a girl they feel that they have more power over. No thanks.

2. They’re independent AF and won’t sacrifice that for anyone  

Naturally, some guys are more dominant and protective beings, which tends to play into their ego tremendously. If an insecure guy feels like you don’t need him, then his self-esteem tends to go down. Why this would have anything to do with HIS self-esteem is beyond me, but that’s what happens. Many guys just like the feeling of being needed and depended upon. Independent women are the total opposite, hence the disconnect.

3. They have built-in jerk repellent 

By default, these girls can detect remotely any traces of toxic, BS behavior and in return end up scaring guys off before they get a chance. Most would consider this a good thing, but sometimes it sends the wrong message to guys who maybe just deserve a second chance and didn’t really mean to slap your ass when you were drunk. It’s a no-tolerance policy with girls like these, and it’s for their own protection.

You can’t really get anything past these girls because they’re always on their game. They can see through any lies and nonsense guys have rolled up their sleeves. It’s a gift, but it often scares off guys in the process, because what guy wants a girl to know absolutely everything they’re up to?

5. They’re a little weird 

Amazing women always come with a weird side — that’s pretty much a given. The coolest and most inspiring women have this uniqueness about them that’s sometimes hard to understand, but that’s what makes them so amazing! Some guys have a hard time with girls who march to the beat of their own drum and are a little unpredictable. They don’t know how to act around these girls or how to understand them, but that’s okay, because these women love their own weirdness. They don’t need a guy to approve of them, that’s for sure.

6. They’re super picky because they know their worth 

 Women who are super picky aren’t judgmental; they just know what they want, and they’re not about to settle for anything or anyone that’s not as amazing as they are. Guys that can keep up, be real, be honest, and love hard are the only kind they’ll accept. If these guys aren’t up to scratch, they don’t stand a chance. No questions asked.

7. They’re intense 

 Intensity is something that can be taken negatively, and sometimes these women don’t have very much control over it. They’re intense storytellers, intense lovers, and intense in the way they communicate. They don’t have a problem sharing who they are, and it can be overwhelming to guys who are a little more on the conservative side.

8. They have real goals 

Women who are killing it in life usually have their focus on more important things than finding love, anyway. Their motivation when they wake up in the morning isn’t to match with a hottie on Tinder or land a date where they get a free meal and a few meaningless compliments. A truly motivated woman will focus on improving her life with things that actually make a difference, like learning, traveling, and embracing a strong career. If guys aren’t on this level, they can move on.

9. They’re more mature than most 

Women who have a strong head, a good attitude, and a poised way of carrying themselves have this admirable maturity about them that’s rare. They don’t gossip, dwell on negativity, or care about what others think of them. They don’t get their worth from guys telling them they’re hot, nor do they need to post fifteen selfies a week to feel good about themselves. They like who they are, and any guy who shows the slightest bit of immaturity will never stand a chance.

10. They love the hardest 

These women may be intimidating, independent, bold, and strong, but they will always love hard. They’ll take pride in their relationship and put everything they have into it, and sometimes it can be overwhelming. Only strong men can handle this kind of love.

11. They’re actually the ones guys have a hard time finding 

In reality, guys are the ones who have a hard time finding the amazing girls, because they’re like diamonds in the rough. You can only find them when you look hard and have the same high standards and expectations they do. Once a guy embraces an amazing woman, he’ll never be able to go to another.

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