When you need tough love advice, sometimes your friends and family aren\u2019t the best people to consult. You need someone to tell it like it is, not someone who\u2019s going to sugarcoat your flaws and shy away from pointing out any defects in your relationship.<\/p>\n
So what aren\u2019t they telling you? Below, experts share eight things you probably need to hear about your relationship.<\/p>\n
1. Talking about your S.O. behind his back\u00a0isn’t\u00a0good for anyone<\/strong><\/p>\n It\u2019s healthy to get things off your chest to friends and family you trust. Still, don\u2019t overdo it when relaying your partner\u2019s latest mistake, especially if you tend to portray yourself as the blameless party.\u00a0While venting to others may feel satisfying in the moment, it prevents you from doing the hard work of actually working things out directly with your spouse. Worse yet, it often feels like a violation to your S.O. when personal information is shared.\u00a0Plus, who wants to deal with the ensuing awkwardness the next time you bring your partner around your friends?<\/p>\n 2. Your in-laws need to butt out of your marriage<\/strong><\/p>\n It doesn’t matter how close you are to your family, your mother, father and siblings should not have a defining say in what goes on in your marriage, said Judith Wright, co-author of the book The Heart of the Fight: A Couple\u2019s Guide to Fifteen Common Fights, What They Really Mean, and How They Can Bring You Closer.<\/p>\n \u201cYou need to understand that you and your partner are family now. The two of you are a unit,\u201d she said. \u201cOf course you can talk to your family and they should care but your primary emotional bond needs to be with your spouse. Commit to yourself and your partner and give the relationship all you’ve got.\u201d<\/p>\n 3. Stop trying to \u201cfix\u201d your partner<\/strong><\/p>\n For the most part, what you see is what you get with people. If you hate how dependent your partner is on her parents or can\u2019t stand how her work hours extend into the weekend, recognize that those traits aren\u2019t likely to change once you take the relationship to the next level.\u00a0You need to stop hoping and believing the other person will change. Unless your partner is able to take responsibility for themselves and be self-reflective, those qualities will never change. You can\u2019t change someone you love, no matter how badly you want it.\u201d<\/p>\n