He\u2019s perfect for you\u2026 but he has an excuse every time you invite him to meet your friends and family. She\u2019s everything you\u2019ve ever wanted in a partner\u2026 but she\u2019s hyper-critical of all the decisions you make.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s easy to disregard your reservations when you\u2019ve found someone who seems perfect for you on paper. But trusting your instincts in the beginning of a relationship could save you a tremendous amount of hurt down the road.<\/p>\n
Below, relationship experts offer nine types of people who just aren\u2019t marriage material.<\/p>\n
1. The flake<\/strong> \u201cThey might tell you to be patient or to \u2018trust\u2019 them, but you\u2019re probably feeling more anxiety than butterflies,\u201d she said. \u201cYou have an instinct for a reason and it\u2019s OK to trust and protect yourself in relationships. Those who want to be with you will make adjustments and those who want to be with you out of convenience will fall by the wayside when you set strong boundaries in place.\u201d<\/p>\n 2.<\/strong> The too-much-too-soon type<\/strong> \u201cWhat\u2019s the rush here? If it\u2019s real, you are not going anywhere. This excitement is less about you, and more about their insecurities and who they are as a person,\u201d she said. \u201cIt\u2019s a red flag when they are too effusive with their words and their actions before they get to know you as a person. The second you share their excitement, the whirlwind has already passed and they are onto their next romantic conquest. Time is the best indicator for who a person actually is.\u201d<\/p>\n 3. The selfish S.O.<\/strong> \u201cThis is really about all forms of giving,\u201d he said. \u201cIs he generous with his compliments? Does she listen to you when you\u2019re having a rough day? Overall, do you feel that he or she is your absolute biggest fan and cheerleader? And just as important as giving, are they able to pause and fully receive whatever you\u2019re giving? If not, what\u2019s the point? It takes a healthy self-esteem to openly give or receive an expression of love or support \u2014 and you need that in a partner.\u201d<\/p>\n 4. The critic<\/strong> \u201cInitially, their stubbornness and convictions might seem attractive \u2014 it\u2019s hot when someone knows who they are and what they want,\u201d said Julie Nguyen, a matchmaker at The Modern Love Club in New York City. \u201cThose qualities start to turn ugly when you realize there\u2019s no room for what you want. These critics demand things to be done a certain way, their way. Real relationships are negotiated by compromise, empathy and the capacity to want to understand where the other person is coming from.\u201d<\/p>\n 5. The sidekick<\/strong> \u201cInstead of delving inwards, this type of person intensely picks up your hobbies, follows your passions and does whatever you want to do,\u201d she explained. \u201cIn the beginning, it\u2019s easy and flattering to have someone like you without much effort. However as the relationship progresses, it becomes unfulfilling when you start to realize there\u2019s no challenge in the partnership because the other person has nothing else to offer. You need a partner, not a sidekick.\u201d<\/p>\n 6. The narcissist<\/strong> \u201cThis is someone who has the inability to empathize with those around them,\u201d she said. \u201cThink about being in a relationship with a narcissist for a minute: Any time you\u2019re hurt, need support or count on them to consider how you might feel \u2014 they won\u2019t be there for you. No real understanding, no sincere apologies, no consideration. That\u2019s definitely not the relationship you want.\u201d<\/p>\n 7. The job hopper.<\/strong> \u201cIt showcases an inability to make a long-term commitment to something and also gives some insight into their value system,\u201d she said. \u201cWhether their movement stems from a sense of entitlement, a lack of self worth or an inability to work well with others, that negative behavior or trait will ultimately find its way into your relationship.\u201d<\/p>\n 8. The over-reactor<\/strong> \u201cBoth partners need to have to the emotional skill of hold space for the other\u2019s feelings and perspectives,\u201d he said. \u201cIt\u2019s a big red flag if the person blows up at the first sign of fight and threatens to end the relationship. Our emotional triggers are opportunities to explore our emotions and grow closer, not automatic reasons to question your compatibility or the relationship. The question to ask is: \u2018Do I feel safe to express myself, even during the heated and stressful moments? And does my partner feel the same?\u2019 And if the answer is no, find out why.\u201d<\/p>\n 9. The lone wolf<\/strong> \u201cThe truth is, a little dependency in a relationship is not a bad thing,\u201d she said. \u201cAll humans crave connection and a relationship, it\u2019s an innate need for people. The overly independent person might say that they want a relationship but won\u2019t actually make the space in their life for two people. No matter what, you can\u2019t fit in because they won\u2019t let you get closer. The more you need\u2026 the further you push them away. Ultimately, you don\u2019t want to deal with that kind of emotional distance in a relationship.\u201d<\/p>\n –<\/p>\n Source: The Trent<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" He\u2019s perfect for you\u2026 but he has an excuse every time you invite him to meet your friends and family. She\u2019s everything you\u2019ve ever wanted in a partner\u2026 but she\u2019s hyper-critical of all the decisions you make. It\u2019s easy to disregard your reservations when you\u2019ve found someone who seems perfect for you on paper. 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\nThe two of you have so much in common and the chemistry is undeniable. You can\u2019t wait until the next date \u2014 whenever that will be; it\u2019s damn near impossible to get him to pencil in time for you. The last thing you need is someone who comes in and out of your life but never really commits, said Brenda Della Casa, the author of Cinderella Was a Liar: The Real Reason You Can\u2019t Find (or Keep) a Prince.<\/p>\n
\nIt\u2019s only date number three and you\u2019ve already been handed a set of keys to her apartment and heard her top five private school choices for your future offspring. That spidey sense you\u2019re picking up, telling you to back away slowly from this person? Listen to it, said Amy Van Doran, a New York City-based matchmaker and founder of The Modern Love Club.<\/p>\n
\nA great romantic partner is generous and willing to indulge the occasional \u201cugh, today at work\u2026\u201d rant. If you get the sense that the person you\u2019re seeing isn\u2019t totally supportive, it\u2019s a good idea to press pause on the relationship, said dating coach Jeffrey Platts.<\/p>\n
\nYou can\u2019t seem to do or say anything right with this person. Ever. Your theory on what really happened in the \u201cSerial\u201d murder case? Implausible at best. Your unapologetic love for World of Warcraft? A total time-suck. The judgement is incessant \u2014 and in the long-run, who wants to be in a relationship with someone that critical?<\/p>\n
\nAnything and everything you propose gets the OK, from your plans for the weekend to when you\u2019ll move in together. And time apart is virtually non-existent \u2014 you\u2019re joined at the hip. You wanted a partner who\u2019d be willing to compromise; not someone who sits on the sidelines and lets you take the lead on every decision, Nguyen said.<\/p>\n
\nIt\u2019s my way or the highway with the narcissist. A narcissist can\u2019t admit when he or she is wrong and has hissy fits when others try to assert their needs. Clearly, those aren\u2019t qualities you\u2019re looking for in a long-term partner, Della Casa said.<\/p>\n
\nDon\u2019t write someone off simply because they\u2019re in the middle of a career change or looking for work after going back to school. But if the person you\u2019re seeing is constantly unemployed, getting fired or changing jobs every few months, it may signal a bigger problem, said Della Casa.<\/p>\n
\nArguments and disagreements are bound to happen in any healthy relationship. (It\u2019s a good thing, too; you wouldn\u2019t have the occasional fight with your partner if you didn\u2019t care about the relationship.) That said, you need an S.O. who has the emotional wherewithal to fight fair, not someone who will flip out at the slightest hint of disagreement, Platt said.<\/p>\n
\nIt\u2019s essential that you both have lives outside of your relationship. But if you\u2019re with someone who\u2019s so good on her own, she hints that she doesn\u2019t need you in her life, take that as your exit cue, Van Doran said.<\/p>\n