Her: Hello Lor, oh I heard you delivered, awww congratulations.
Me: Thank you.
Her: How did you deliver?
Me: [thinking of telling her that the baby hatched from a pineapple] Oh, via cesarean.
Her: Oh really? Why couldn’t you have pushed? Did you even try pushing? You know, in my family, we all pushed o and my mother is a nurse and wouldn’t have allowed me to have an operation…
Bla bla bla she went on till I said bye and hanged up.
This was my daily phone call routine few weeks after having my first child some three years ago. Aside the fact that it was baffling for me to explain to my fellow women why I couldn’t have a natural birth, I found it a bit weird and hypocritical for those people who called to give me lectures on why having my babies via cesarean meant I wasn’t a “true mother”.
At weighing, ‘cesarean mothers’ were tagged as the weaker ones so we were even offered help with carrying your own babies!
Personally, I even amaze myself with what I am able to do considering the fact that I have had two major surgeries back to back.
However, I believe every woman’s body reacts differently to certain things, especially when it comes to bringing another human being into this world. I am of the view that when it comes to childbirth, what is good for the goose is NOT always good for the gander.
When I got pregnant, I read up a lot, so much so that during my prenatal visits, my doctor always said I made his work easier; as a result, I had an open mind concerning how I wanted to deliver.
Inasmuch as my mother and other older women close to me expected me to have a natural birth, I was really indifferent but I dared not tell them I wasn’t really keen on the ‘how’. What mattered was to have my baby in my arms.
A Cesarean delivery has potentially many more complications than a vaginal (normal) delivery. It is a major abdominal surgery done for a medical reason. It is done if either the mother’s health or the baby’s health is jeopardized by a vaginal delivery. In my case, I had fetal distress where I was at risk of losing my baby after being in labor for six hours -dilation stuck at 4cm.
So there was no other option but a C-section.
I remember my mother praying against me going under the knife because of stories she had heard about mothers dying and leaving their children. But God came through for us.
For my second child, my obstetrician advised I do another to prevent the risk of a uterine rupture.
I believe that if your pregnancy is healthy and you don’t have any medical reasons to have a C-section, it’s best to have your baby vaginally because the risks are less as compared to a C-section.
People like me are being stigmatized already and tagged as lazy for not being able to deliver naturally and some women are just in the habit of making us feel ‘less than’ because we couldn’t deliver vaginally.
Please and please, strong vagina women, cut us some slack!
Take, for example, in 2004 Kate Winslet granted an interview where she admitted she lied about how she delivered her first child, daughter Mia, in 2000. When Mia was first born, Winslet told the press that it was an “uncomplicated natural birth,” even though she actually had an emergency C-section.
The Titanic star said it was because she “felt like a complete failure” for not delivering vaginally.
“I was so completely traumatized by the fact that I hadn’t give birth,” she said.
As women, society expects so much from us: from getting married at a certain age to being pregnant and even how you deliver.
It’s about time we gave women a break. Pregnancy is not a walk in the park and the last thing any woman wants to hear is a speech about her being lazy for her inability to deliver a baby vaginally.
So to the women with strong vaginas, please give us, the so-called ‘lazy mothers’, a break will you?
After all, the children we have all call us ‘mommy’, and that is the most important thing about pregnancy and delivery.
If you’re expecting the fruit of the womb, I pray God blesses you as He’s blessed me and regardless of how you deliver, may it be smooth and easy. Amen
Happy Mothers Day to all mothers- regardless of how you brought your children into this world!
By: Lorrencia Nkrumah